Pretty

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Yesterday was the last day of my first clinical attachment, and I know that I will miss the staff and patients at the rehabilitation centre dearly.

During one of my client's treatment session, I heard his maid praising me a couple of times to him, saying "Look. Sophie is pretty uh? Pretty Sophie!" (FYI: client has cognitive problems so he isn't very responsive to anything which has no relations to either food, numbers or puzzles) Anyway, so.. Wow! I haven't heard anyone say that I'm pretty in a very long while.

My boyfriend has never complimented me saying that I'm pretty k! Alright I'll be fair to him and add this statement: I do not remember and am not consciously aware of him saying that I'm pretty. And to think he complains on how I don't compliment him anymore when I always still do. Okay maybe I AM just praising him a little LESSER lately, because he's been working out and getting buff, and so he keeps asking me for my input on whether his muscles have grown bigger, and I can sincerely and truthfully tell you that it has, however I'm being a pain in his ass by refusing to tell him that and I keep on annoying him by saying that if he doesn't eat more and work out regularly, he is just gonna DEFLATE back to being a skinny wimp again LOL. Fhl for having just an irritating girlfriend who likes his muscles so much that I want them to still be there in the long-term and not just the short-term.

I think that ever since I sliced my hair short, it was the time when the word "pretty" became dissociated with me and it was replaced with "cute". (In this context, "adorable" and "cute" have the same definitions and yes, I'm incredibly anal about that lol!)

Just a quick jog down memory lane:
1) In 2009, I was fat, and henceforth the word "pretty" is not in the picture.
2) In 2010, I started slimming down. I became from fat to plump to average, in the span of one year. I was mostly depressed an emotional during that year and umm.. guess I started knowing that I was pretty at the end of the year but it hadn't sunk in yet then?
3) In 2011, I became thin and started being associated with the word "pretty" and yes, it sunk in deep. I remember how before I go out every single time, I would look into the mirror and make sure that I look PRETTY before I permit myself to step out of my room and then out of my house. Maybe that's why I was always late! Oops! Hahaha!

I can still remember a few instances that happened in 2011 which helped to build my self-esteem.

Point to note: I know I seem really confident with myself most of the time, but I actually have a rather low self-esteem. Surprise surprise? Lol

Instance #1
While I was working at Esprit, my older colleagues had a tendency to comment on how pretty I am and kept attempting to matchmake me with this other younger boy who was working as a part-timer at esprit as well. That boy is A LOT younger k. I think.. 3 years? Or 4? Can't really remember already.

Instance #2 & #3
Working at Science Centre. That's when the word "pretty" really sunk deep into me.

#2: I decided to help out another team who was working in the same department as I was at SSC, and was told to help pick up a bunch of school kids and their teachers who signed up to attend a short presentation and then a guided walk through an exhibition.

I reached the foyer, saw the bunch of kids and their teachers and approached the nearest teacher to confirm that they were the bunch of kids whom I was looking for. (FYI: teacher was a male) So after conversing briefly with the teacher to ensure that they were the people whom I was looking for, one of the kids (secondary school) asked her teacher: "Teacher, is that one of the school's teacher? She's so pretty!!" The teacher replied hurriedly, "No lah! Not our school teacher!"

I swear that the teacher ha a really embarrassed expression on his face because of what his student said, and he gave his student the look saying "What the hell you talking?! Shut up now!" Freaking funny! Hahaha!

#3: During one of the guided tours at one of the exhibitions, a group of 3 girls stopped me in my tracks and asked me: "Teacher, can we please take a picture with you? You are very pretty!" Honestly what went through my head then were these thoughts: What? Picture? Facebook? Upload? Everyone know? Is this a joke? Sarcastic? Really? Picture? Pretty?

I was rather hesitant initially (I was really being humble k! Not acting!!) and the girls begged me a little more before I gave in to their request. The girls were really joyful after our short photo-taking session. Their smiles were really what that made my day — not the compliment even though it truly did feel good (:

Instance #4
Went out on a date with this dude which was not a date initially or at least I didn't think of it that way, but he did and so it became a date... Dude kept complimenting on how pretty I am and had this look on his face that said "Gee! I'm so lucky to be out here with this pretty girl now! All you guys who are sitting around us, dig this and go die of jealousy! Muahahaha!" Again, really amused by his expression and okay maybe I exaggerated a lot on his thought but if you are able to form a mental image on how his expression was, yeap that's the one!

Instance #5
Currently ex-friend, but was a friend before, kept trying to matchmake me with the guys she knew. In her opinion, I was too pretty to be left on the shelves. I was a pretty flower who needed a seemingly matching exquisite vase to go with, and CANNOT be left to alone in my ugly reddish-brown pot to grow.

So she kept (trying to) introducing me to guys and then would later ask the guys on how they thought of me. (Personally I think she found it amusing to matchmake me but okay... it was rather amusing for me as well lol)

I remember how she was poking at me once after meeting one of her guy friends whom she confronted later on to get their input on how they felt/thought about me, and she was like "Eh Sophie! So what do you think about Jonathan? I asked him about you after the both of you met that day, and he says that you are very nice and really good.. and pretty! So how? Jonathan okay for you?" At that point of time my mind encircled around the word "pretty" and I didn't really pay attention to anything else, not even the guy okay! LOL poor dude?

So yeah, these were a couple of memories that I remember. The ones that had left a deeper impression in my mind. It took me awhile to accept and embrace the fact that I was/am pretty.

I haven't heard that word in a long whole, and it feels really good to be hearing that again. It feels even better than my bf's friend having told my bf (after his friend tried the brownies that I baked for bf which he brought to work to eat) that I'm a DEFINITELY a KEEPER because girls who can bake so well are freaking rare and that bf should never never let me go! Sorry la, I know I'm strange but I feel better when I'm complimented for my external appearance than for my skills because we all know how hard it is to receive any acceptance from the general public on our outer appearance.

I think I might just start being vain again (LOL) but with school... I don't know how I can possible be but I'll try. I really don't know how some girls in my class can be so prettily dressed for school every day. I don't know how they find time for it or can even possibly wake up earlier just so that they can step out of the house looking pretty, instead of simply picking out a hopefully presentable enough outfit for school every morning and then rush to school because the first lecture/lesson of the day is about to start! Really really take my hat off for them *takes bowler hate off my head and bows slightly*

It's really just so amazing (to me)!

Therefore, I really am an individual who acts like she is really extraordinary because she hopes to BE extraordinary, but really... I'm just an ordinary person like everyone else. (:

So much "really". What a mouthful! :O

A little more than a month to 2013!

Monday, November 26, 2012

Yes! 2013 is coming soon! So excited about it!

I'll be honest and say that before 2011.. I was NEVER EVER EVER enthusiastic over the arrival of a new year. It was always just another year for me. I think that it had something to do with the fact that I was still in the "schooling era" then. Nonetheless my justification is rather screwed since I am studying now as well.. so.. I guess it's because I've grown up and I have learnt how to appreciate life more?

Let's just leave all the justifications there and move on.

Well.. I did a little reflection and here are some thoughts that I would like to share.

1. I wish that my blog had been a little more alive and purposeful this year. I'm not saying that it hasn't but.. in terms of recording what that has happened in my life, it barely did much. All that it served as was a portal for me to dish out my rants and whines. From my perspective, I focused too much on the negative things this year and less on the positive. Will change that next year and for the years to come!

2. I spent too much time on people who no longer gave a damn about me. Those people whom I once called my "friends" are a HUGE disappointment. From empty promises to pretending that I no longer existed. I have to say this here and now, WELL DONE PEOPLE! Screw all of you, and I'm sorry that I WASTED so much time waiting for you, thinking what the hell went wrong, and lastly worrying if you were okay. Of course, you are definitely okay. All of you are. Merrying away happily, uploading pictures that are full of smiles, joy and laughter on facebook, tweeting about your daily activities/emotions.. Whatever it is, our ties are broken, our friendship has ended. DO NOT EVER COME LOOKING FOR ME, OR TELLING OTHERS THAT WE ARE FRIENDS. Trust me when I say that the day will come when you WISH you could tell the whole world proudly that you KNOW me. Unfortunately for you, you can only tell the world that you KNEW me, whereas I will tell the world, "Oh who? Er.. I'm not sure, I can't remember. I think I don't know that person. I'm sorry (not)."

3. I WISH I TOOK MORE PICTURES!!!! I think that the reason behind the lack of photos is because I am currently in a relationship and thus I have to be more bashful and less attention-seeking! Okay, scratch that reason. It's because I am no longer at my miraculously amazing weight of 50kg but have gained 4-5kg and I am STUCK THERE. IKR, so sad. Haters, go ahead and laugh. You will be my motivation to lose weight, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I will either be attending aerobics dance class or get myself a personal trainer. Bf is more for gym + personal trainer (strictly females!), but umm... I don't like running on a treadmill! Makes me feel like guinea pig and weights are boring. I will not deny that I would love to have a bod like Jessica from SNSD (especially her legs!!!) but I would rather go for one session each of pilates and aerobics a week, than go for just one session of gym per week. That is A LOT for a person who hates to exercise. Where have the days when I enjoyed running gone to? FAR FAR AWAY... (obviously)

4. I BOUGHT A LOT OF SHITTY CLOTHES. I am done ranting over that. NEXT.

5. I hardly bought any polishes at all... I SWEAR that this has EVERYTHING to do with being in a relationship. It starts from having to shift my polish expenses to expenses for dates, to being controlled over the amount of polishes I buy. That is if I even buy any polishes at all!! However I must say that most of the polishes that are featured this year haven't really been very... captivating. Ah well, there is always next year! Am already looking forward to some of the spring/summer collections! WEEEE!

So I'm gonna stop here because my list is kinda never-ending? However I will throw in a few funny facts that will be occurring in the course of next month..

Firstly, I am gonna get a chance to go on a holiday! It isn't very far, it is just malacca but good enough for me! It is BETTER than being stuck in sunny singapore all 365 days/year. I have gone to malacca but it has never been very.. memorable. And so, I am planning to get a good deal out of it this time and create a lasting good impression! Here's to a good holiday that awaits me! *clangs glasses*

Secondly, my Xmas present is my boyfriend getting a wardrobe of his own! YES, MY BF DOES NOT HAVE A CLOSET IN HIS ROOM!!! Do not ask me why, how or is that even possible?! Obviously it is possible because it is stated here clearly that that is what's happening now!! He does own a closet, but... it is placed in his parent's room. Very odd and strange I know. Which is why I have been nagging him for the longest time ever to get a wardrobe of his own! I even went with him to Ikea to pick one out, and the wardrobe that he'll be getting is a pretty white one with two-doors that will be swung open! I'm freaking happy k! Reason: I get more room to put my clothes, and therefore I am able to buy more clothes! YAY!!! :X

Thirdly, MY BIRTHDAY! I did my boyfriend a huge favor by telling him what I want for my birthday! HAHAHAHAHAHA! I am still in the midst of deciding on how I would like to spend my birthday... After having spent my birthday in the hospital last year, I've got to make-up for it this year k! I don't need a lavish party! Just something sweet, memorable and happy. (:

BALLOONS!! Maybe I will really crazy and buy myself one of those silvery helium balloons for my birthday. I have never gotten one of those balloons before. That will be so damn fun and it will be etched in my mind deeply.

To a fruitful and enjoyable week starting from this minute, CHEERS! ((:

Happy Monday people!

Galactic sweaters, bracelets and 2013 planners

Friday, November 2, 2012


Hi.

School is exhausting. I am thinking of stopping my tutoring so that I can have more time to focus on my studies and on The Project. This is something that I'm going to have to discuss with Rod because it will affect our agreement on our monthly contribution to our combined fund. I'm going to have settle this issue this weekend. It is my responsibility to give my tutees sufficient time to look for a new tutor. Things are going fast and they will be going even faster really soon.

I'm sorry for the ambiguity but the situation calls for it.

#breathe

2013 is gonna be one helluva exciting year — I'll swear on it.

6am

Saturday, October 20, 2012

When your boy goes out with his buddies, stays up the whole night and texts you at 6am in the morning when he's on his way home, that he's been thinking of you the whole night...

*squeals!*

***


Throughout his night out with his buddies, he hadn't failed to notify me where he was whenever they had a change of venue.

I asked, "Where are you now? Have you had your dinner?"
He replied me on iMessage, "Otw there now." When he arrived at the restaurant, he whatsapped me his location. FYI I didn't ask him to! He made an extra effort to do it, out of his own accord.

After dinner, he went with his friends to kbox. I was fast asleep by then. It was meant to simply be a nap, but after a long day in school and a major project on hand, I gave into my body's cry for some proper rest. Reception sucked on his phone, so he borrowed his friend's phone to drop me a text stating where he was at the moment. Again, extra effort made out of his own accord.

The little extra efforts made that could have gone unnoticed and uncredited are worth every bit of acknowledgement and accreditation. Why so? I have listed below on the reasoning thought up by me.

1. He knows that I'm worried.
2. He cares for me. (link to point #1)
3. Proves that he WAS thinking about me.
4. He BOTHERED to make the effort. (In my case, I think that this is a VERY VERY IMPORTANT point!)
5. He knows clearly what is the right thing to do, and doesn't just think the thoughts. He processes his thoughts and acts on them, because he knows that it is what he is suppose to do.

Yes, you can say that I am a very stringent girlfriend. I wouldn't deny it. I can be cutesy and lovey, however rules are rules, and limitations are limitations.

Sometimes it takes for a mirror to crack before you actually do realise the thing that you really are looking at. Perhaps you've just been seeing it and you haven't actually been looking at it. Do you get what I'm saying? I think I do.. I'm not quite sure. I swear that all the working on the Project has made a little ding-dong!

5 months till my next 45 days vacation. Go go go!

Not what I signed up for

Monday, September 24, 2012

I took my mobility supplementary exam today. Comments? IT SUCKED.

It doesn't help that I spent so much freaking time in school on it today, made a whole lot of effort to study it and tried my best to do it right yet... I still flunk it. I flunked all my 3 bloody attempts. I've got one last chance tomorrow. *cross fingers*

Here I am trying to get all the terms and logics of Human Anatomy into my head... And there is this small little voice in my head asking me: "What are you doing?" Very frankly, I have no shitting idea.

Give me a chance and I might just choose to be a math tutor for the rest of my life. Sense of satisfaction, accomplishment and definitely, a lack of moral degradation. What it feels like now is how I felt when I studied for A level Chemistry. I had no bloody idea how I was ever going to apply what I learn and it wasn't getting to me at all.

Ironically now, I'm in a health science education... which means studying parts of the human body is applicable and TECHNICALLY it should be getting to me... Right?

*hits the buzzer* DEHHHHH! WRONG!

It doesn't help either when my parents are traditionalists and thinks that I should finish what I started, no matter what. This is a career for heaven's sake. Not just an education.

Honestly honestly honestly... What do I want...?

Sociology

Realised that a little too late now huh? Sucks to be me. FML.

My wisdom tooth extraction

Friday, September 21, 2012

So here I am blogging to take my mind off things.. Off all the bullshit rackety batshit crazy heart-twisting mind-boggling matters lately.

For the record, this is my second wisdom tooth extraction. I did my first one (extracted my lower left wisdom tooth) on the 23rd of December last year. The previous dentist I had, recommended me to not remove both my lower wisdom tooth at once because I would have extreme difficulty eating. I was so glad that I listened to him. I can still remember the vast amount of blood that I was constantly spitting into the sink, into the toilet bowl, into pieces of tissue papers and the surprising amount of blood-soaked gauze that I was constantly pulling out of my mouth to switch to a new one. Oh! Not forgetting the large amount of my own blood that I drank. Yuck! Felt like a freaking vampire that day.

Anyway, this second dental surgery which I had was much better than my first one. Prolly because I had prior experience already and this dentist gave me a better set of advice and protocols to follow.


So here I am with the anesthetic already injected into my mouth.


Umm.. if you would like to know, I whimpered softly a couple of times when the dentist poked the metal syringe into my gum and the area surrounding my right wisdom tooth. I couldn't wait to get done with all the freaking poking and that sensation of an unknown foreign liquid entering my system. It felt really really strange.

I had local anaesthesia.

The difference between local anaesthesia and general anaesthesia is that the former rids you of any possible sensations (not inclusive of hard physical pressure) whereas the latter knocks you out and has you sleeping like a baby. So yes, I knew what was going on throughout my entire surgery. Including one of the parts when my dentist cracked my tooth and a small bit of it flew out of my mouth and landed on my right elbow. I will leave the details about this for later, eh?


Here is the x-ray of my mouth. The tooth circled in red is my right wisdom tooth. The photo is mirrored-image, which explains why you see my right tooth on your left instead of your right.

See how my tooth is "collapsed"? It was growing sideways instead of upright, which explains why I always get food lodged at the back of the right side of my mouth, and I freaking hate it when food gets stuck there. Hard to get out and incredibly uncomfortable.

So, I had my dental surgery to extract out the wisdom tooth. As my tooth wasn't growing upright, it was actually hidden beneath my gum, therefore the dentist had to do a little "trimming" to clear away the gum that was obscuring the path of the surgery from going smoothly, and then he had to (for the lack of a better word) saw my tooth to remove the upper half that was more exposed to the surface, then use this chisel-like tool which was pointed at the tip (kinda like a really sharp pencil but it is made of metal) to crack the lower half of my tooth into really really small bits. Kinda like this...


Yeap! That's my tooth!!

My dentist then stitched up the opening gap which was where my right wisdom tooth was located at formerly.


Photo taken after the swelling had gone down and I was capable of widening my mouth.


He prescribed me with some painkillers, anti-swelling medicine, mouthwash and anti-biotics.

The reason for anti-biotics is because during the recovery period, you are not allowed to brush the teeth in the surgical area. (The only thing that you can do is to rinse that area with the mouthwash as prescribed by the dentist) And also, our mouth is filled with lots of bacteria and nasty germs, thus it might possibly cause the surgical wound to be infected, hence the prescription of the anti-biotics to kill the bacteria and germs!

Sidenote: I bloody hate this anti-biotics. It made me FAT. I swear that it is the anti-biotics. Or maybe the painkiller. Either one of these darn medicine is causing me to gain weight. I've put on 3kgs ever since I took the medication. Imagine my horror when I stepped onto the weighing scale in my room and saw those digits jumping up in glee. I stared at the numbers in disbelief. Retook my weight about 3 times before the truth finally sunk in. Sigh. Not cool yo. NOT COOL

The dentist gave me specific instructions to not rinse my mouth with water for the first day because it would cause more bleeding. (That explains why I was bleeding so much during my first dental surgery because that dentist did not tell me that and I kept running in and out of my toilet every 5-10 mins to take out the bloody gauze from my mouth, rinse away the blood that seemed as though it wouldn't staunch and then put in a fresh piece of gauze, only to repeat the whole procedure again very soon.)



I was kiasu and asked for more gauze because my previous dentist prescribed me a huge pack of gauze (like those paper-wrapped packs available in the pharmacy, with at least 50-100gauze per pack) whereas the receptionist at the front of this dental clinic only gave me a few measly pieces of gauze.

Truth be told, I didn't even finish using the gauze in ONE of these packs. Ha! Awesome dentist gives awesome instructions = less bleeding for me!

My mom bought lots of yoghurt - peach flavoured, banana flavoured + bits of pear crunch, aloe vera, nata de coco, prune... to help ease the pain.


Banana flavoured yoghurt with bits of pear crunch in it! Yums!


I had to use the spoon that I used when I was a baby, to eat because my mouth could only open "so wide" for the first two days. Ate in much much smaller portions which resulted in my eating time being extended more than it had ever been. I even got so tired of eating so slow that I simply stopped eating and concluded that I was done with my meal.

So yeap! That's it for my recap of my wisdom tooth extraction.

Hope I didn't scare the shit crap out of you peeps till you dare not get yours extracted! (Ha, I have a feeling that I might have for some of you!)

Lucky you though if you've already extracted yours! I hope my upper wisdom tooth don't give me any problems so I wouldn't have to get rid of it and it can stay with me till I grow old and die. Yay!

I still owe an entry on my trip to MEMA. Soon yeah? (:

Not what I intended to be writing

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Technically, I should be writing about my trip to MEMA with Rod, the beef pastrami subway which I had with him for brunch on one fine sunny Sunday and add colourful pictures to that entry. Unfortunately that entry has got to wait, because I am feeling rather... reflective now.

I stopped living life like an ant — mundane and lifeless.

I stopped convincing myself that I can rock short hair and admit that even my wardrobe disagrees with the length of my hair. I stopped dreading the days when I would paint my nails for the sake of painting them, but rather just enjoy having applied a nice and moderate coat of polish over my nail successfully without having made a mess all over my cuticles. I stopped bothering my mind with questions on what is my goal in life constantly, and worrying that I am a no-good-for-nothing because I don't really know what sort of money-making activity I would like to do.

I realised that the reason why I'm getting sloppy is because I am wearing casual clothes all the time (or at least that's what I'm picking to wear lately!) instead of the smart casual wear I used to don often. I stopped deluding myself that the clothes available for sale at blogshops are equivalent to the ones sold at retail outlets, and that what I see will be what I get thus there isn't a need for me to shop physically. (No, I am not going to stop harping about that freaking pile of clothes I bought online that is hidden in my wardrobe. I detest it.)

I stopped living life just for the sake of getting it by, but rather... instead of constantly looking at the big picture of things, I started focusing on the things within the picture and hey, it's a whole lot more interesting and (somehow) more meaningful that way! I started taking pictures again lately for my blog. Not a lot.. but it's better than none at all! It is just so much harder to whip out my camera and start taking pictures again. I haven't been doing that for the past couple of months and umm.. I think Rod would feel weird if I start doing that? (Lame reason I know, but it's on my mind)

I'll finally admit, I am in possession of a very strong and proud ego. I can't swallow and submit to anyone. It kills me to have to do that. Most importantly, I'll generate hatred for the person whom I have to submit to. All humans are equal, no matter how powerful you might be materialistically, politically or in any other way. I do my best to maintain an equal level of standing with everyone whom I have a relationship with. The only time when I would submit to a person is when the person exhibits behaviour that deserves my respect, which usually means that I am in awe of the person. If one of my previous tutee, who is only 11 years old this year and terribly mischievous, can tell me things and display a behaviour (which only happens occasionally when he isn't too busy thinking of new mischiefs to commit) can earn my respect and leave me in awe, I believe that everyone in this world can. It is just a method of how the person chooses to be and to act.

***

Colour coordination, so important. And what ever happened to my high tolerance level for heat?

Wisdom tooth extraction in a couple of hours. I will be prescribed anti-biotics which will once again cause my stomach to churn like a washing machine. I will be drinking my own blood till I feel like a vampire and repulse at the slight recognition of the distinct metallic taste which would dance around my tongue and then slide down my throat.

I'll be getting my year 1 semester 1 examination results tomorrow as well. I've got confidence in my social sciences paper.

Mm.. I need sleep. Goodnight. 

Like in 2008

Friday, September 14, 2012

My hair looks just like how it did in 2008 when I was at Perth. And the size of my face is an inch close to that too. Okay probably my whole figure. What ever happened to my high metabolism rate? I think I should go work at Esprit for another 3 months again.. Shed all the weight gained away. However, the work there is ultra dull and the pay is absolutely like CRAP. *shudders*

I went with Roddy to MEMA (Maritime Experiential Museum & Aquarium) today. Pictures will be up soon. The exhibition was pretty interesting. I did some colouring too. (lolol!)

It's good to know that my boyfriend really loves me because he just sat there beside me playing his phone while I grabbed different colours of oil pastel crayon, adding colours to my paper models. He even told me "Don't you dare give up! You have only a bit left till you finish colouring!" Ha! Awesome encouragement. Then again, now I'm starting to wonder if he cheered me on so I would be preoccupied and that would leave him more time to play his game on his phone. Hmmmmm.

Oh btw. The 3-day diet plan that was recommended to me by my aunt. Yeah.. I guess it does work. However I didn't lose 5kgs. I only lost around 1-2? However I didn't exactly keep to the plan 101%, soo.... ya. I'll be trying it again though! All the extra weight that I've put on from having gone to Sentosa twice for 2 days straight consecutively. All the rich-flavoured, exquisite and expensive food. Bet they were loaded with calories as well.

I kinda regret snipping away my gorgeous long wavy long hair that curled naturally at the ends. However they were really dry and the weather was torturous. Also, a certain fella thinks that I look super mature and old with my long hair and he wouldn't have gone close to me if I hadn't cut my hair short. *nudges Mr Woo*

Life is often so unpredictable, throwing you hints via intuition and if you choose to ignore these little hints to magnificent presents that lies await for you, then there goes your chance with it.

I had an intuition to slice my hair, I did, and although I do miss my long hair, I'm glad that I did chop off my long hair. I'll never forget that day when my hairdresser grabbed my long hair in a loose ponytail, took a pair of scissors and just snipped away my long hair effortlessly, without even lifting his head once to look at my facial expression. I remember myself taking in a sharp intake of breath and I held it there for quite awhile as the truth sank in slowly. I was going to have short hair.

And now, I'm going to have long hair again. Hahaha!

I love having my pretty crown of glory and it is time for me to shut my eyes and sleep. I've had a really long day. More precise details soon. X

Fall is coming!

Thursday, September 13, 2012

I need to stop being so sloppy and get back in the swing of fashion. I dress like an auntie nowadays. So horrible. I blame it on all the cheapo clothes that I've bought from the fleas at NYP and online. Seldom is the material good and mostly, the cutting sucksssssss.

I should have known better. I can never pull shitty cutting off. It's the reason why I insisted on validating all my clothes personally before I purchased them in the past. I need to give myself two tight slaps in the face and be more diligent in keeping up my fashion front. Those days filled with heels, blazers and hats. So glorious.

Those days are returning. I went with Rod to RWS today. My boy is sleeping happily on a king-size bed now whereas I'm home in my super-single size bed. Talk about fairness. We bought a deal which comprised of a night at Festive Hotel, in-room dining and tickets to Maritime Experiential Museum. It cost around $200++? I can't really remember. My mother insisted that I come home to sleep so okay, that explains why I'm home now. My boy deserves a great luxurious rest anyway. School + Work.. AND ME, I'm sure it tires him out like crazy (Awww...)

I wore a purple tank top, tucked into a navy blue bandage skirt. Had a red bra on which peeped through the rather thin material of my purple tank top, revealing just enough so that it isn't far too much. I topped everything off with a white blazer, the necklace he bought me, my usual accessories (bead bracelets and earstuds) and a leather bracelet too. Chose a pair of brown boots which I bought from my trip to Taiwan last year, to match my outfit.

However that outfit didn't last long... because I hadn't worn the brown boots in a long time, the sole isn't sticking to the base of the shoe anymore :( gotta send it to the cobbler to be fixed! Had to drop by Tampines to get a pair of cobalt blue flat pumps because I doubt my boots would last the whole day. Rod was more than happy to see me switch to a lower pair of shoes *roll eyes*

Ah well... I'm planning to dress a little more casual tmr. Everyone in the hotel seemed less dressed up as compared to how I was. Probably because it's a hotel aka their "home away from home". So who really dresses up at home?

Smart but casual. The good days are coming back and I have to deck myself out in autumn colours.

I have no idea on what I should do with the pile of crappy clothing hidden in my wardrobe. They are so sucky that you wouldn't even believe it. I swear I'll never buy anything o line ever ever again, other than polishes aside. Save all the money up for Top Shop, Zara, H&M and all the other proper stores in Singapore. I don't care about how much more money I can save by shopping online. Just give me clothes that will fit me well and make me feel beautiful instead of atrocious. I'll pay whatever that is necessary.

I'll admit, I'm no budget barbie. And I don't wish to be one. Better fitting clothes! Urrgh!!!!

What's my calling?

Friday, September 7, 2012


Met Xian Yao for dinner today (yesterday). We ate at Orchard Ion's Burger King then moved on to some high-end café called Antoinette at Mandarin Gallery where we had hot chocolate and ice-cream.

The hot chocolate was very very very creamy. As like how I described to him, it's like having a chocolate bar but in liquid form. He laughed. I'm not sure if the laughter was because of what I said, or whatever else that is on his mind.

He is one of the people I know whose mind I cannot read because it is constantly fluttering from one subject to another, even though we were once very close. I guess too much has happened and even though I do try to get close to him again — to get back to the stage of our friendship when we would be bitching about the outfits of random strangers we meet on public transports or public places via texts, comfort each other when shit happens, be happy together when good things occur, or when we are seriously very bored and just want some entertainment.. I don't think we will ever return to that paradise. He seems very very distanced from me now. I really miss those days. Sometimes I get afraid of losing him. He means a lot more to me than I do ever realise, and honestly I doubt he knows that. Random picnic on the beach of Sentosa, with sushi and strawberry cheesecake. I'll always remember that.

As he updated me on life and his mission, he got me wondering.. What's the calling of my life? I had always assumed it to be something in the healthcare industry because of this incident when I was a kid.. I went to Thailand with my family, we went to this temple and there was this monk. He was one of the elders there, and he was very fond of me. Always held my hand and gave me special treatment as compared to everyone else. I swear that it wasn't because I was the youngest. There was once when I went, there was another kid (my mom's client's son) who was younger than me, and yet he still doted on me more! No.. I don't think he is a paedophile.

Anyway, he was a Thai (duh!) and could speak little English. He couldn't say my name but he had a nickname for me, it was "doctor". I think I heard it from my relatives or my parents, that he called me that as I would grow up to be a doctor. Therefore, since then.. I took it as my calling that I would be a doctor when I grew up.

Oddly enough.. At the end of my secondary 2 year, when I had to pick the subjects that I would major in my upper secondary years.. I actually had to contemplate between picking Pure Geography or Biology. The dilemma back then was: I loved Geography vs. I need to take Biology to be a doctor. In the end, I gave in to my interest and chose Pure Geography over Biology. I've never regretted that decision. Studying Pure Geography was so much joy! LOVE LOVE LOVE, LOVED IT!

So.. here I am in Occupational Therapy. Here because I always thought that my calling was the healthcare industry and I cannot possibly ever get sacked or be deprived of a job in this sector, the pay is pretty good, it isn't that boring (I think) and umm.. my sister is a nurse, my dad is a chinese physician, thus it is a good to have another family member in the medical industry...? Sigh. Shitty reason I know. I only realise it now. All the times that people would exclaim and give positive remarks on how there is this "medical" trend in my household.. I guess it feels good to a certain extent, however.. to be frank, every time I hear that, deep inside me, there would be this deep pang of doubt and guilt whacking me. Is that a sign that hey, this isn't my calling?

I told my OT friends.. I find studying diseases and illnesses to be interesting. Well, hell yeah it is. I guess I like it.. but I don't love it! I don't find myself pouring over every detail of the disease, unlike how I was pouring over every new term that I was learning for Sociology and Psychology. Getting all excited when I knew that people who enjoyed withholding their faeces when they were a kid, would grow up to be neat and tidy people (or possibly develop OCD) when they grew up!

I don't know what I love! I don't know what I want to do! If you consider being a socialite, being able to be decked out in pretty clothes, have pretty shoes, wear gorgeous polishes and nail art on my nails, as something that I want to do, then yeap I guess it counts. If not, I have no freaking idea at all!

I don't want to be like my parents... working as insurance agents because it provides them the means to support the family and give my sister and I, a good life. They don't like it. They told me that before. Nonetheless they just kept going at it, just for my sister and I.

As grateful and honourable I am for their sacrifice... I don't wish to do that. I don't want to earn a living for the sake of earning a living. I will never get far in my life if I were to do that. Like what Xian Yao said.. it is that passion, that 'calling', that intrinsic motivation which brings you far. I don't want to live my life for extrinsic motivation. It is a dead boring life, and I LIVE to live. So someone please, tell me what the fuck should I do?

If there is one thing I love, it would be being pretty... Materialistic I know, but at least I'm being honest. Henceforth, guide me, enlighten me, show me a way!!!

There is more to life.. that I know, but what is it exactly?

The importance of being wealthy

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Don't get me wrong.

I'm not a narcissistic, money-minded, materialistic bitch. I just hate being.. concerned over financial issues. I hate feeling as though my wallet has shrunk, my pocket is tight, my bank account is of non-existence.. I dislike being unable to spend freely.

In this current society, money is power. Although there are various ways to go about arguing the statement that "money brings happiness", in the most direct way possible.. yes that statement is awfully realistic and truthful. Well, at least it does... to a huge extent.

Without money, I won't be able to shop. If I'm unable to shop, I would be unhappy. Like now, for instance.

At times like this, I really wish that I am Christian Grey and I earn $100,000 per hour, 24/7. All the shoes that I can buy. SO HEAVENLY.

I went window-shopping with a girlfriend yesterday, walked into Bershka and tried on the prettiest pair of black mary-janes that I have ever landed my eyes upon. Slipped my feet into the gorgeous pair of shoes and okay.. I admit: I felt as though my ankle might just crumble and get crushed from having to bear my weight at that joint which is not physiologically designed to withstand pressure, but oh goodness... it was so darn mesmerising!!! I even whipped out my phone, took a picture and sent it to my boyfriend, who expectedly rejected that pair of shoes immediately because it was about 4-inches high. Anyway, I couldn't buy it.. the price was $129.90. My boyfriend heaved a huge sigh of relief and cheered enthusiastically *roll my eyes here*

I really miss my gap year. Earning $1.3k a month, and sometimes even more. Spending freely, shopping freely, relaxing and just breathing normally, unlike now when every breath is short, sharp and hurried.

I've never felt more screwed up about my life. I don't know what I am doing right now and it seems as though I am making do with whatever that is shoved upon me by my parents, rather than exploring my options and my interests, doing what seems to flow along with me instead of repelling me at every hook and cranny.

This feels wrong. It really does. However, I don't know how to get out of it and even if I can... this society that I live in, it's a rat race everywhere.

This is not what I want, so what should I do now?

Answers.. it's time for me to seek for some answers..

And that's how I know he loves me

Monday, August 13, 2012

It was near noon-time when Ally had finally decided to crawl out from her warm and snug bed.

She wandered around her house aimlessly even though a tiny reminder was ringing from the back of her head, reminding her that her first paper was less than 5 days away and she should be frantically studying away right at that moment.

She went back to her room and picked up her cellphone, and tapped away at its touch-screen keyboard.

"I don't suppose there is any possibility that you could take a half-day leave now and come find me, can you?"

Ally kept her fingers crossed. She could hear the little angel in her head rapping away: Why did you ask him to take the leave? What do you want him for? What is he going to do here? For what reason is he coming here? Are you out of your mind???

Yes, Ally was probably out of her mind. She had no plans nor an answer to any of those questions. She just wanted him. So, did it meant that he might just sit in her room and have nothing to do? Hmm.. Yes.. That possibility stands. Nonetheless, she wanted him.

She wanted a hug, from him.

Her phone beeped.

"Erm. I can't find you now. In the middle of my lunch. But I've taken the day off :) I'll see you soon ya"

Ally stared at the screen in amazement.

He actually agreed to come!

Ally felt this surge of motion rushing through her, it made her head light and a little dizzy! She felt a smile spreading through her face, one which she could not suppress.

And there was her little angel taunting her in the background.. He's coming, he's coming, he's coming, he's coming, he's coming~

Seriously, what am I doing?

For the blog-ders reading this now, do you remember the last time you had to edit an entry because you were afraid of being judged for what you wrote? Or perhaps you were already judged and hence you removed it to PLEASE the other party? Well.. I do. Some bitch got upset over what I wrote and so some scumbag MADE ME edit my words remove the entire post. Anyway, that's history.

Back to the main subject,
WHAT AM I DOING?

I honestly.. don't know.

It has been a seriously long time since I asked myself that question. I could and I would blame all my other worldly factors but myself. For eg. School? My current relationship? (No offence there, Roddy) Work???

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND. *sends a gazillion flying kisses in his direction*

I guess I am somewhat in the right direction of the calling of my life? There are a million things that I wanna do/become while I still can take in another breath of air for the next second. Life is too short to set boundaries so soon. I see Roderick becoming a superstar with fans all over the world.

Him rocking out on the stage with hundreds (or perhaps thousands!) of crying screeching screaming girls standing below, holding vanguard sheets and hard-boards that has his name written all over them and they are decorated hearts and glitter! I can hear them screaming, "RODERICK!!! I LOVE YOU!!!" and then like in those recorded shows of the concerts held by popstars, the star gives thanks for their love, sparklers ignite at the background and the girls scream louder. I know, so dramatic and yes my imagination has indeed gone wild. My visualisation skills are incredible! Oh and, I'm not quite done yet with my visualisation! HERE COMES MY PART.

I see myself as.. a celebrity wife. LIKE DUH, if not?! I am BORN TO BE A 太太 OK? *kicks up legs and places feet on the coffee table*

However, I think I would die of boredom if I were to be cooped up at home all day and most importantly, depend on my husband for allowance. That's right, my independence kicking in at the precise moment to contradict my desire. Just kick me in the butt already.

I was thinking.. I definitely cannot and well, I don't think I will, be an Occupational Therapist then. I can't see it that way. I was thinking along the line of venturing into entrepreneurship. Not fashion.. I can't design for nuts. I LOVE TO SHOP, but designing clothes is a whole other thing. But! Creating my own line of polishes is very much possible.. Haven't people always say, Do what you love? Well.. the world could do with a little more polishes that are quality-assured, has brilliant shades, unique designs, definitely wearable and realistic for all the girls out there in the world! ((:

I HEARTS POLISHES!

Alright, so I'll leave my castle that is build high up in the clouds and come back down to planet earth already. It's too soon to think of marriage? Hmm.. yes? And, no?

Let us take a quick jog down the timeline. I am currently 20 this year. My intentions are to get married when I am in my late 20s. I have no intentions of keeping my options opened and most definitely do not wish to be with anyone else other than the person that I am with now. I am more than satisfied with my current relationship. I agree that he isn't perfect, but judging from the past 5 months that I've known him, he has most certainly proven himself to be worth closing all my other doors for. I have friends who tell me, "Hey, your boyfriend is a 'keeper' for sure!" Whether they said it out of good intention or that they truly mean it, I'll leave it for you to decide. Nonetheless, if a guy merely LAUGHS and looks at me LOVINGLY, when I FART OUT LOUD in front of him accidentally, hey! That means a hell lot to me and I am definitely keeping him!

I have had enough boyfriends to last me for the rest of my lifetime. I just want someone to spend the rest of my life with. Settling down is a scary thought indeed. I'll admit, I am scared. Not because he might not be the right choice (as mentioned and explained before, he is MY right choice) but rather, there are still so many things in life that I wish to do. I wanna travel, for a whole entire year. To different places in the world. Maldives, Krabi, Carribean Islands, Switzerland, Transylvania? Okay.. I need to give more thought to that last one there.

My point is, there are still so many things in life to live for, and I do not wish to have to give any one of those things up. Thankfully for me, I know that I have a man here (YES, A MAN OKAY. DON'T LAUGH!) who pushes me to do the things I want, he doesn't cage me nor put up any restrictions for me. OTHER THAN... wearing clothings that reveals my cleavage too much. He says that if it can turn him on, it can turn any other guy on and hence he doesn't like it and forbids me to wear anything too skimpy.

Meh~ Who thinks that I'd listen to his restrictions? *DENG DENG DENG!* First-prize!! I am rebellious by nature. However I do know my limits and his concerns, therefore I do not wear anything that I deem as 'overboard'. Fair enough ya?

A friend once told me that are 4 drivers in life. Family. Work. Love. Friends. To be successful in life would to be juggle these 4 factors and have them in a state of equilibrium. If any one of these factors were to thrive more than others, then it would simply mean that one of them is taking a back seat, which is incredibly detrimental to life. I agree with her on it.

Oh and, by the way.. SEET SHIYING, TEXT ME WHEN YOU SEE THIS OKAY! I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE LIKE... VOYAGE DE LA VIE!!! THAT WAS IN MARCH!! IT'S AUGUST ALREADY!! 5 WHOLE MONTHS! RAWR! DON'T MAKE ME CRASH TEMBUSU AGAIN!! I WILL IF I HAVE TO!

It is impossible to not re-adjust or perhaps even make changes to my plans for life after I met Roderick. If he hadn't told me that I was his "The One", his True Love, the person he wants to marry and spend the rest of his life with.. I would have persisted on with my plans for life before I met him, just so that if anything went wrong, I had something to fall back upon.

For the past few months, I had been thinking... Was it really worth it for me to give up that back-up plan? Am I being stupid? Am I being silly? Do I really want to do that? And having been deliberated on that thought for so long, I have an answer at last.

Yes, I want to give up on that back-up plan. Reason? Because if I don't, all is doomed to fail.

We can't move forward if we keep looking back. However, looking back is also necessary as it helps us to reflect and remind ourselves of our goals and aims in life.

If the world is one day raged by an apocalypse of zombies, and fortunately, the zombies are all secured in a city and the city is separated from the world by a high wall that is about.. say 5-storeys high? You are on that wall and you have 2 choices.

1) There is a safety net behind you on the 2nd storey ready to catch you. There are ammunitions prepared, enough food that will last you forever? The only catch for the fabulous deal is: the zombies.

2) There is no safety net in front of you. No guarantee that you will thrive in the world outside. One thing for sure, there are no zombies there. The catch is: it is 5-storeys high, you might die from the jump.


Which would you pick?

I hate zombies. I even told Roderick before, if our world gets raided by zombies while we are still alive, please kill me first (put a gun to my head or strangle me or throw me off a building and etc.) as I do not wish ever have to face zombies. Henceforth, I would pick option two. What's yours? (:

Now I am badly distracted by clothes sold on the blogshops that I frequent and if it wasn't because I forgot to remind my student that it was pay-day during my last session with her on Saturday, I would be placing my order for that pretty pair of flag shorts or the high-wasit classic cut apricot shorts...

My tribal bag is out-of-stock :( SEE LAH RODERICK WOO, NEVER NIAO ME TO BUY IMMEDIATELY!!!! You will suffer from my whining till our shipment from Malaysia finally arrives at my doorstep! I do hope it comes tomorrow.. Been waiting for more than 2 weeks for it!

I shall now continue with my Sociology revision.. The notes for the chapter Socialisation is taking forever to get done. Why is that bloody chapter so wordy and so damn long?!! *procrastinates*

I'M GETTING ENGAGED!!!!!!

Saturday, August 11, 2012

JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!

No one can deny the fact that it is very attention-grabbing though! HAHA!

I was having this conversation with Rod the other day on how people who knows that I am currently attached, like to ask me this question "How's you and Rod?"

It was brought on by a friend of mine who asked me THAT EXACT QUESTION, and at that point of time what went through my mind was... What exactly is she asking about? Whether am we are still together or that we have parted ways already? (SO SUPERSTITIOUS AND UNLIKE ME TO SAY THIS BUT -- TOUCH WOOD!)

Hence we decided, if our friends were to ask us that question, we would give them the reply "Oh, we are getting engaged!" HA! Can't wait to see the response on their face and the atypical "ARE YOU SERIOUS????!" Damn serious k. No joke. Just that the ring on my annularis (ring finger) is an invisible one. MADE OF AIR. FOR NOW.

RODERICK WOO, I know you jail-broke your phone so you probably lost all the pictures I sent you before, and even if you didn't lose them all, I know you lost a good whole chunk because you failed in your first attempt at jail-breaking your phone. Anyway, here is a picture of the ring that I want!!!! SO YOU WILL NEVER FORGET AND YOU WILL NOT GET ME THE WRONG RING. See, I'm so nice. Save you the time and extra effort to go hunt a ring for me! :DDD



BEHOLD,
MONT BLANC'S LA DAME BLANCHE COLLECTION: PASSION SOLITAIRE RING!

So pretty right? All the diamonds!!! A girl's best friend!

Don't say that I don't love you peeps and that I am an awfully lazy girl who hasn't uploaded any pictures on her blog for like %$#@%#@$23%$#@54#$@ long.

It is currently 2AM. I took 2 papers yesterday (one in the morning, another in the late afternoon), spent half the night out with my boyfriend at Toa Payoh — IPL for me then dinner for us both, and AMK — we wanted to go sing at KBox which we took super long to find because we decided to rely on my oh-so-awesome memory and didn't use the Maps app. on our iPhones initially, but we gave in at the end and pulled out our phones.. anyway, KBox AMK didn't allow us to use this special $10 discount voucher that I have because Friday is considered as a weekend and it was far too expensive, so we decided against it!

We then returned back to my place because we were both extremely tired and wanted somewhere quiet and cozy to simply spend some quality time with each other. He left my place at close to 1AM. SO YOU SEE, I LOVE YOU PEEPS SO MUCH XOXOXOXO

Alright. Enough chat-chat. Let's bring out the photos!

So some time around the end of June, I had a short 2-weeks break from all the insane lectures and tutorials in school. Rod took leave and we decided to go cycling at ECP! It was one of the things that I listed on our to-do-list.

For those who have not heard of it from me, Rod and I have this.. list (LIKE DUH!)
This list contains activities that are to be done by the both of us, and over time the list will just keep growing as we add more activities to it. It helps in creating different types of meaningful activities between a couple so that it wouldn't always just be mall, shop, eat, walk, movie etc. It also helps in keeping track of the things that you have done before and the ones that you have talked before about doing together!

One of the activities on our list was... cycling. I would say that it was rather MEMORABLE, because... some smart alec decided to pull a stunt on his bike, he failed, and bled all over. Oh and, he somehow managed to break off one of the brakes of his bike. I've got a picture to illustrate on that!



The smart alec who pulled a FAILED stunt!



Him & his injuries. Think I mentioned before somewhere here that I am haemophobic right? So yeah, put me + his blood = poor me :(

I NEED A HUG FOR MY BRAVE & COURAGEOUS EFFORTS IN KEEPING MY COOL AND FOR ATTENDING TO HIS WOUNDS DILLIGENTLY.
Or better yet, give me a medal!

Anyway, this Mr. Woo damn lucky. I was kiasu that day so I decided to bring 3 packs of tissue and a handkerchief. I used about 2 packs++ to clean his wounds and I turned the handkerchief into a bandage for the massive wound at his left hand.



An unglamorous photo of me laughing taken by him.

The story goes like this: I touched the wound on his left hand by accident, and it took him 3 seconds before he responded to it DRAMATICALLY.. "YA-AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" *PULLS LEFT HAND AWAY AND CLUTCHES IT IN HIS RIGHT HAND*

It was impossible to not laugh about his dramatic delayed reaction. Frigging funny shit.




The bike...

If you look closely at the side of the bike with the bell, you would notice a handbrake missing from the handles of the bike. It is now 're-wired' and placed beside the bell.

***

14th July, 2012
MISS SINGAPORE INTERNATIONAL(MSI).

I went with Rod to a formal event. His aunt is the president of Singapore Women Association(SWA) [SWA is responsible for hosting MSI every year for charity] which explains how I got entry to that event.


Cam-whored super lot that day. BF on detox diet for his skin, hence the container of food in his hands which is specially made by my mom. It contains boiled lettuce, boiled potatoes and some other boiled stuff that I can't remember. All that I can remember is that I ate the boiled eggs because his detox diet doesn't allow him to eat eggs and that I was freaking hungry. LOL



I THINK I LOOK RATHER SLIM HERE!!!! ^_^

Even though Rod looks weird in this picture (and the next one as well), but nevermind. JUST LOOK AT ME!!!! #bhb



An innocent Rod caught on camera!



More cam-whoring...



And more...



And a pretty photo of us which isn't uploaded on FB (:



Okay, this is on FB, but I like it so it gets to be uploaded here as well! (:

Same caption as like in FB: BF LOOKING SUAVE HERE!!! Hot pink tie yo!


Some shitty photos of the event taken with my iPhone's camera.



Crowning of 2012's beauty queen



The Queen

And that's all folks!!! See, I am so awesome today! Grace you all with photos and interesting captions accompanying the pictures!

It has been a seriously long time since I uploaded any pictures at all. Shall try to do it regularly, after all what other better methods are there than this, to keep a record of the events/occurrences in my life?

XXXX

Batshit crazy fights

Sunday, July 8, 2012

I have never fought with my ex-boyfriends before. Not up till the last 2-3 months that lead up to the eventual break-up.

I am the sort of person who hates fighting because I'm afraid of fights and I think that arguments are irrelevant and unncessary. However if I really do fight, it's only because I give more shit about the person involved/the issue concerned than I usually would or do, to actually spend time, energy and effort to extract the emotions within me and place them on the table for evaluation (mine and the other party's).

I fight quite a fair bit with my current boyfriend. Well.. To me, it's quite a lot because I hadn't ever fought with any of my past lovers and have always chosen to either run away or to simply give in when problems occurred, just because I couldn't be bothered to deal with the negative situation and his negative emotions.

I have batshit crazy fights with my current boyfriend. I think it has to do with everything that I've been through before, thus when my tears do shed, my ego acts up quickly to overpower my tears and it screams at me to stand up, stop being a baby, be stronger, turn into a stone-cold statue if the situation deems it necessary, be calm and take the necessary actions required such that the situation/problem doesn't aggravate as much as it would if I were to not do anything at all, simply just curl up in bed and permit my female instincts to take over.

I am not encouraging anyone to fight with their boyfriend/girlfriend unnecessarily, because if you really did that, then it would be a suicidal act for your relationship and I would really applaud you for your stupidity. Fights are depressing, no one likes to fight, yet if you can't possibly run from them for ever. I once had an ex-boyfriend who gave me this as one of his reasons for breaking up with me, "We hardly fight. No wait, in fact, we don't ever fight. You ALWAYS give in to me. You don't ever take a stand and voice out your thoughts. I sometimes even wonder if you have any thoughts at all. Do you?"

Trust me, his words were degrading. Right through the heart, I would say. You probably have this question in your head, "What's wrong with choosing to not fight? That is a good thing, no?" Well.. Yes it is, if it was something minor and nonchalant. Especially those that blossomed from no positive motives, and it started due to mere immaturity and the human urge to 'feel' wanted from your mate via this incredibly dumb method.

An important point to note is that fights are a test of the endurance level of your relationship. If your relationship crumbles easily due to a fight that you had with your mate, then I guess you have either got more to work on (yourself, the relationship and your mate). At the mere poke of a finger, my past relationships have crumbled as they could not withstand that slight pressure. What I had done with my past lovers was to build a relationship based on well.. nothing at all. Hence it is worst than the game "Jenga", fragile and weak.

I don't pick fights with my current boyfriend to deliberately strengthen our relationship. Instead, what I aim is to enhance myself and him via our relationship. I have tons of weaknesses and I will be frank here, so does he. I'll give an example here: he is hot-tempered and gets agitated easily. It makes me jumpy when he is agitated. Remember what I said before about how I dislike dealing with negative emotions (be it mine or others)? Well.. in this scenario, sure I can simply withdraw myself from his agitated behaviour and immerse myself in my land of rainbows and unicorns like before. However if I were to do that, then I would be submitting myself to my weakness and this relationship would be over even before I could say the word 'sabotage'.

It isn't easy to fight. Anyone who has ever stood his/her ground in a fight with their mate before would know that giving in is a hell lot easier. Yes, one party has to give in eventually but it should only be done for the right reasons (ie. the lesson that is to be taught has been learnt or acknowledged) and no, this doesn't mean that you should in any way prolong the fight any longer than it should be. After all you shouldn't forget the point: FIGHTS ARE DEPRESSING.

In conclusion, do note that it is nice to give your mate a big hug and a re-affirmation of your feelings for him/her. It is not wrong to say "I'm sorry" but do take note of the reasons for your apologies. Dish out "thank you" for the right reasons as well, so that they would hold a much more significant meaning as compared to the universal social meaning that the phrase holds.

One-half



Remember the days when I used to flood this blog with lengthy entries/letters to my future lover? My Bestie got so fed up and disgusted(?) with it that he stopped reading my blog entirely for a long period of time. I'm not even sure that he still reads my blog but just in case he still does..

HI THERE! I hope you've been doing well! Just so you know, I miss you terribly. I hope the #project is going well and it's needless to say, you have my 101% support. I swear it has nothing to do with the contract we signed.

I'm sorry that I haven't been keeping up to the terms, and yes I suppose that I have allowed my current relationship to affect us a slight bit, but I swear to you that it's mainly to do with school. I know you probably wouldn't understand how hectic my schedule is at the moment, most people don't anyway. Poly life aren't suppose to be that tough nor that crazy. Unfortunately, mine is. I really wish that I could meet up with you on the 20th of every month, just like how we agreed on.

I apologise for my selfishness and for all my downsides that have driven you crazy over the years and more so, over the edge for the past few months. Stay cool, stay manly, stay fit, stay strong. I'm still waiting for the day when I would be in the audience, watching you go up a stage in a tux, receiving a Nobel prize (or some other noble prize along that line).

All the way man!


Okay now that I'm done sending out that message (cross fingers that it'll reach its receiver successfully), let's get down to business. Watch that MV if you haven't done so already. I'll be talking about it so if you don't wish for your mind to be filled with question marks as you continue reading on, WATCH IT ALREADY.

Firstly, I HAVE TO SAY THIS: for those of you who know when my birthday is, YES!!! Because of that little detail in the MV, this MV creeps me out. Coincidence I know, and it'll be foolish of me if I were to imply anything from it. Confirmation bias yo! I love psychology. I really do. Okay fine, I don't. It's fun to learn and to understand the mentality of others, it helps in taking a step back when dealing with negative situations, it is useful when facing depressing emotions, it is handy for analysing my surroundings and those of others.

To my then-future/now-current lover, hello! You hardly ever read my blog (I think) but I guess it's nice to throw in a random greeting to you! I shall be an asshole and test the frequency of you checking my blog for new entries.

MR WOO, WITHIN THE NEXT 24 HOURS FROM THE MOMENT YOU READ THIS, YOU ARE REQUIRED TO BUY ME A STANDARD BAR OF TOBLERONE MILK CHOCOLATE AND DELIVER IT RIGHT BEFORE ME PERSONALLY.

Hohohoho! This is going to be so fun!!!

HMMMMMMMM. I looked through my archives to find out what I was doing around this time last year, and what I found was an old entry of mine which contained an extraction of a portion from one of XiaXue's entry. To be precise, the entry was on 'Cheating'.

Ah... the things that I've gone through for the past 2 years. Unforgettable. So many valuable lessons learnt and emotions experienced. I dug a little further to 2010 and yes.. I blogged so vehemently then. Almost every entry had emotions filling them to the brink of spillage. I miss eating Toppo (Click here to see what Toppo is) and I can't seem to remember where I bought it. I doubt it's even available in the market anymore :(

Sigh.. It's been a very long time since I composed anything seriously intellectual and amazing. Hold on, do I even have the time to be thinking of the content for that sort of an entry?

Yeap. That's what I thought.


P.S. I (unintentionally) lied. This entry has absolutely nothing to do with the MV above. Bet you got distracted by my digression as well to have not noticed that point. However, it is nice to know that you were so obedient to go play that MV! :P

The sweet scent of white roses

Tuesday, June 12, 2012


Ally sat infront of her huge wooden desk, working away on her laptop. Her windows were open. Just then, a gentle breeze blew past, carrying the sweet fragrance of white roses to her nose. She paused in her work and turned towards her right, smiling slightly as she looked at the 2 stalks of white roses that sat quietly at a corner of her desk.

Ally had never received any flowers before, much less catch a whiff of white roses. The closest she got to smelling anything that might possibly be the scent of white roses would be her Bulgarian white roses facial masks.. but that's a whole different story — and smell as well.

Ally's phone rang. It was him. Ally picked up the call.
"Hello! Where are you?"
"Taking the lift up to your home."
"Okay!"
Ally hung up, took her keys, skipped to the door, flung it wide open, she unlocked the gates, and without putting any shoes, she went out barefooted into the corridor and sat on her swing as she waited for his arrival.

While Ally sat on the swing, with the swing rocking gently in a slow rhythm, she gazed up.. White clouds were scattered across the blue sky in an uneven pattern, the sun gracing the land below with its warm rays. It was a beautiful day. And then Ally heard the rustling of plastic, he's finally here —with her J. CO. donuts! She had been bugging him for weeks for the deliciously sweet donuts that were perfectly crispy on the outside and tenderly soft on the inside, glazed with a thin layer of white sugar coating at the top.

"My donuts!!!" Ally cheered.
He appeared before her after the turn of a corner. The bag that carried her donuts came into her view first. Ally grabbed the bag happily.
"Did you buy for my mummy?"
"Er... Inside got 3! You can give her one!"
"Hor hor!!! Never buy for her! You die.." Ally teased him.

Ally shook her head in mock dismay as she stood up from the swing and made her way back into the house.

"Wei.." He said.
"Tsk tsk.." Ally continues shaking her head.
"Wei!"
"What?" Ally turned around as she voiced her question.

From his back, he whipped out a small bouquet of two white roses. Ally froze. She stared at the flowers in disbelief. This was the first time that anyone had ever given her any flowers. What's more.. There wasn't any celebratory meaning of any special occasions attached to it. It was merely another ordinary Saturday which he came over to her place to chill and simply spend time with her.

Slowly, Ally reached out for the flowers. As the tip of Ally's fingers touched the bouquet and her fingers wrapped around the stem of the flowers, she couldn't help screaming in her head, "They are real!!!!! He bought flowers for me! He is giving me flowers!!! My favourite flowers! White roses!!!" If he said anything at all, Ally had no recollection of them. She was too high up in the clouds to hear whatever that he had said. Ally muttered a soft 'thank-you' to him which hardly sufficed in expressing the immense sense of gratitude that was stirring within her.

Holding her delicate flowers cautiously in her hands, and with the wide silly smile that hung on her face, she made her way back into the house with him following close behind her...



And he says the mushiest things ever

Friday, June 1, 2012



Ally couldn't help smiling to herself and feeling silly for having done so. That tiny flame dancing around in her heart, it was hard to ignore. She was never one for anything mushy, however she made a drastic change for him. She found herself doing things which she couldn't comprehend, from making surprise picnics to planning surprise movie marathons. She wondered what other surprises could she ever come up with -- and frankly those surprises surprised her as well!

She sat before her desk, fiddling with her water bottle and her medication for her swollen left eye. She knew that her mother would be walking into her room any minute to nag her for not having taken her medication yet, for she should have after having just returned from the doctor's. However, her mind was elsewhere. It was on the things that he had said a couple of minutes ago. Ally thought, how could anyone ever come up with such cheesy lines?! And why is it that he and the things that he say, have such an effect on her? It was like a fireworks show going on in her head! So many colours, so bright, so pretty, so explosive.. they made her light-headed!

"I should paint this colour for next week then I'll be an awesome girlfriend/wife-to-be for the week!"
"Don't paint yet! Wait for me to be there and I'll paint it for you!"
"Er... Hmm the next time that you'll see me will be 11 days later? You've got your exams coming up and you have to train for your IPPT which is on Wednesday, no?"
"Let me do it please! Let me have the honour of giving you the title."


There, it was that line. It made her go giddy. It made her happy. Damn it. Ally knew that she shouldn't be, but she is.. vulnerable to his cheesy lines. She liked it when he affirmed her with his words and she need not affirm herself with her thoughts. It made her seem self-delusional when she did it, and in a way she felt insecure. It isn't that she has no faith in him, she simply preferred the faith that he gave her on his own accord..

Ally's smile grew a little wider when she noticed that by coincidence, the colour of that polish shade was his favourite colour too. Blue. The little things that girls notice and associate with, how silly and foolish it caused them to be. For better or for worst, Ally knew that it was not within her grasp, but rather the person who wield such powers/possess such gifts within his hands, unknowingly.

Bathrooms are the best places in the world

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Get over my heading for this entry already. It's not the first time that I've chosen some wacky out-of-the-place titles for my posts anyway. Moving on.

I'm starting to feel the toil of my current life, reeling it in bit by bit every day. I am not expressing the stress that I am feeling properly. For the first few weeks initially, I took it out on food, binging whenever I felt stress. Rod was appalled by my tremendous appetite, and frankly so was I. I haven't binged for a very long time, therefore I was so afraid that I blow up like a balloon and be unable to lose all the weight. I refused to stand on a weighing balance, the fear of looking at the digits on it was too intense. Fortunately I managed to slap myself awake in time and keep check of my diet once again. If I ever grow fat again, I wouldn't ever forgive myself. The horror of gaining weight.. for those who've never undergone that sort of scrutiny, you wouldn't understand.

Anyway, as I am currently unable to take out my stress on food, I've turned to internalising the stress, ie. attacking on my personal points. This is why I say that bathrooms are the best place on the world, they help to realise the things that you've been doing but haven't been seeing. Bathrooms are so freaking fantastic!

Back to my point, this was how I dealt with matters previously; can't binge? Sure, take it out on myself, pick on my points, make myself a better person. It would seem like something great, for it meant self-improvement, however what I was missing out on was that I wouldn't be just taking it out on myself, I would be taking it out on Rod too. Let me explain: Earlier on, and in fact for the past few days, I've been questioning myself on whether I knew what love was, how to love, and how I would like to be loved. Or that's what it seems from a narrow perspective. However if I were to take a step back and view things from a broader perspective, or for an example Rod's perspective, the aspect of those questions would take a 360-degrees turn. To question if I knew what love was, is akin to questioning if I really loved him (which I totally, truly, 101% do!), to question if I knew how to love was akin to stating that I haven't been loving him (I HAVE!) and lastly to question on how I would like to be loved is akin to saying that he doesn't love me or that he isn't gracing me with enough love. Honestly, this hadn't crossed my mind before. I guess I have been too selfish and too narrow-minded, focusing on only me, myself and I. I know right, what a bitch! :(

I have to find other avenues to channel the tension that I am feeling. I can feel the congestion in my mind, it's like the expressways in Singapore during the evening -- so freaking packed! I have to find some time out to sit down, lay my diary in front of me, grab a pen and list down all the major concerns in my head while prioritising them as well. It'll definitely help me to clear my mind and possibly ease it too. The amount of thoughts in there.. it's insane! Or maybe there isn't that many, but because I haven't got a chance to process each of them thoroughly, so what I am doing is chucking them to the back of my head till I get the time to think about them, yet the longer I drag, it gets worst as other thoughts are coming in at the same time, therefore there is a backlog which isn't cleared and what happens when things are overstuffed? They overflow, hence they keep re-surfacing on my mind but as my brain is programmed to keep them under, things start working like a trampoline in use. Boing-boing!

I am dying to catch my breath. I miss 2011, when school wasn't a factor of my life. The grass always seems greener on the other side. In 2011, I said I missed studying and going to school. Now that 2012 has rolled about and I am halfway through the year (WITH A CHANGE IN MY RELATIONSHIP STATUS -- I am so sorry, but I have yet to have gotten over that fact!) and am schooling again, I can't help whining about how fantastic those days were for I could always feel the entire interior of my head, had sufficient amount of rest, could sleep whenever I wanted/needed to, had a good grasp on the events that were occurring, constantly planning and keeping my schedule perfectly organised. I'm not saying that it is disorganised now, it is simply that it is so packed that I am hyperventilating a little.

Like what I mentioned earlier, I need to find time to sort my thoughts out properly. My head is too cramped up. I suppose that it is what's been draining my energy as well. I could survive on 5 hours of sleep for 20 hours (No, I did not fail in my math. Think a little harder and you'll get what I'm trying to say.) and now with 7 hours of sleep a day, I can't even make it through 8 hours completely. Epic fail.

It's 1:58AM. I have yet to start on my human anatomy tutorial and I'm done revising for my Malay test tomorrow. School does not suck! I WANT SLEEP :(

The dilemma between working hard and the guilt of resting -- inextricable.

Remember

Monday, May 28, 2012

"Always remember that in order to be strong, sometimes we have to do the things that our heart doesn't want us to but our brain tells us to."

More often than less, we let our heart lead the way. I guess it is due to all the fictional stories that we have read since we were young, or the notions that dramas have inserted into our heads. We think that "Oh, we will not regret if we are to let our heart lead the way. The heart is never wrong." Well my dear friends, I am afraid that I have to incline to disagree to that statement. Regrets are formed not only when the wishes of our hearts are not fulfilled, but also when the thoughts of our minds are ignored during important moments when they should be valued the most.

And so you'll ask, if that is the case, which path should I walk? Well it is certainly a dilemma as both ways will cause regrets, one way or another. Opportunity cost would be the term to be used in this case. You have to lose either one thing or another, or perhaps you might be smart enough to figure out a way such that you wouldn't have to lose any at all. Such paths are not shown but rather created, hence they require a lot more thought than assumed.

"Between two evils, always pick the one that you have never tried."

Is it because we fear the other evil thus we avoid it and keep going for the one that we have tried again and again albeit the attempt has always been a failure? I suppose that for certain instances, that would be the reasoning behind our decided action.

Which would you choose to have -- have a strong but short life, or a long life filled with pseudo-happiness? Some people live to live long, some people live to truly live. No choice is right nor wrong. Us humans, we are granted with the rights to freedom of choice. So long as they do not defy your own moral values nor priniciples, nor bring harm to anyone (and much less yourself) and they must definitely be legal (should you wish to do anything illegal, please never be caught!), you are pretty much free to do whatever you wish.

Which is more essential -- to lose yourself because you love someone, or to retain yourself because you love yourself? Once again, no right nor wrong answer. Or at least I can't give one at the moment because I am still fairly young and am still exploring the world and all the complexities that it contains. The factors which determine the polarities of the answer differs for everyone. Frankly even I have no idea how I am to answer that question.

And so I wonder, why is this goddamn world so damn confusing? Or are we (the society) the ones making it so confusing, what with psychology and sociology and anthropology and all the other studies. I suppose that is why I am at my most calmed and peaceful state when I was lying comfortably in his warm embrace, looking across the Straits of Johor at our neighbouring country, empty Tupperware boxes at our side which once filled our picnic, the noisy callings of crickets as the night began to fall, birds chirping as they made their way back to their cosy nests, evening lights coming on one by one as its timer ticked and fulfilled its intended function.

For me, everyday is a battle, to retain myself because my love for someone requires for me to do that. I'll admit that I lose the battle at times and immerse in the euphoria brought about by the obsession till it weans off eventually and guilt starts creeping in, for I should have been stronger for him, and for I. Odd mentality I know. However this is my perception on things, he fell for me because I was I, and should I lose myself due to the love that I have developed for him, then I am no longer I and definitely not the one he loves, thus I would not have only failed him but I would have failed myself as well. Okay, confusing much. Blame psychology and sociology. Doing both modules at once is indeed mind-fucking. Try doing both projects at such an hour when I should (technically) be tucked snugly into bed, asleep and dreaming of happy dreams.

Oh well, procrastination is not going to get me anywhere at all. Although I do hope that I have as much resolve as I had before to wake up at wee hours to study, my lack of sleep has overpowered that will every single morning, no matter how determined I may be before I sleep.

In hindsight, just remember, you have one heart and one brain. Right.. that does not make any sense at all. Goodnight world.

It's time to pay the rent

Sunday, May 27, 2012

"Babe, it's time to pay the rent."
"What rent?????"
"Because you live in my heart..."
"LOL.."


Ally wondered, however can he be so mushy, yet it was strange as well, as to how much she found herself liking it.

Thinking twice

Saturday, May 26, 2012


And so I stop and wonder, 'Am I viewing things from a too-serious perspective? What is the definition of too-serious? Should I take a step back, loosen up a little and take things with a lighter mindset?'

I asked for Roderick, the universe answered to my request. I have yet to regret any of the steps that I've taken and I do wish to have none of that either in the future. Is there such a thing called 'try-and error' when it comes to relationship? I don't think so, for when a bad scenario is tried and tested, you hardly ever forget the bad outcome. You can't just put a cross in the check-box and then move onto try a situation which seems more plausible. Or can we?

How are boy-girl relationships suppose to be like? What is its purpose? What are its functions? I think I might be suffocating him.. And possibly even me. I guess this is a subject which I will have to bring it up to him tomorrow. Relationships are suppose to be fun, and the level of fun should be on par with the level of seriousness. I might have taken things a little too far lately. This is really something which I have to deal with lately.

He whines that I haven't surprised him in a long while. I wouldn't deny that, I know it too. Somehow I get the feeling that his primary love language is "Receiving Gifts" because all arrows are pointing towards that direction. Chapter 6 — Receiving Gifts.. We'll find out soon enough what language it is that he speaks.

Now, planning time. What surprise should I have for him? It is not an excuse for me to say that I haven't any time nor energy to plan surprises for him because the deadlines for my assignments are coming and so I'm beat-out —drained of mental and physical energy, and therefore I need not fill his love tank. Excuses, excuses, excuses. There is no place in my world for the existence of excuses. And so back to the subject: what surprise? It's 5AM now, my menstruation is rebelling and thus I'm unable to sleep and am awake at this ungodly hour. I can go visit my grandma early this morning, then take a train down to his place and surprise him! I shall get him some snacks which he can munch later during work — I'm considering Japanese snacks since they are so much tastier and he is so picky when it comes to food, download his favourite shows and put them in his thumb drive which I'll pass it to him later? That's an idea! Okay so there are 3 surprises in place: ME! (the biggest and best surprise), the snacks (shows I'm caring) and lastly the shows (shows I'm awesome!!!)

Okay today will be a productive day for me. I will bring my socio notes out too and my tutorial too? Ponder about the questions when I have the time and maybe scribble down the answers when I have the time. K!!! Awesome!!! Idea!!!!

Approximate bedtime tonight: 10.30PM. I have a feeling that I'm gonna need that early rest :/



Post-note: Read a Yahoo! article on how women rate themselves last on their priorities list when they should actually be giving themselves a little more 'me' time. Thus I've decided, that I am going to suck in my longings and do something productive today. I've got to set my sights further and work for what's best in the long run than in the short run. There has got to be some other way to let him know that I love him, something which doesn't require me to sacrifice myself nor him. I'm not saying that I am one who is unwilling to make sacrifices, just that in this instance, I think there is a better option out there waiting for me to go find it.

Isn't it odd?

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Isn't it odd on how people who are trying to find themselves/figure out the way of their lives, take tons of pictures during that path/search? I remember how I used to be like that once upon a time. I used to camwhore so much.. Bestie called me a freaking CAMWHORE, and I was like "WHAT...?! WHERE GOT?" then I continued snapping pictures of myself with my camera -.-

I know right, ironical. I guess it's because this period is such an important moment of our lives that we simply want to document every single possible event, down to the second. I remember describing to Rod on how 2011 was for me and I told him that it seemed more like 12 days than 12 months. His reply, "What?! It was so good???"

Yes sir, it was!

In case any of you are wondering, dear Mr. Roderick does not have access to my blog(s). He has asked for permission but I have declined. A girl who wishes to retain her independence and cognitive ability, needs her little piece of virtual heaven. I know that giving him the access would probably be one of the better ways to taking a step towards a more intimate relationship, however I value my thoughts way too much to simply hand it over so easily. The thing that keeps me strong is also the same thing that weakens me. Hence lock it safe in a labyrinth.

Anything else added to that phrase would make it either melancholic or add a false sense of light to the darkness. I'm not saying that darkness is bad but frankly, you've gotta admit -- there is nothing bad about it either. Only those who have once walked through darkness and emerged through it bravely, are the ones who will be able to see the light and walk towards that brightness. Okay what the hell. I feel so out of place saying all of that, yet a weeny bit of awesome-ness surged through me at the same time! Woohoo!

It is only 10:48PM and my eyelids are half-shut. I am tempted to take a quick nap. Yes, you read that clearly. At this hour when I can simply sleep till the next day but no! I have work to do, because I pledged to never permit myself to feel stupid in school ever again, even if it means having dark eye-rings.

Added 3 new polishes to my collection yesterday (Number One Nemesis, Just Spotted The Lizard, Into The Night) and I will be adding 7 more this weekend! I am a happy happy HAPPY girl this week!!! (:

And I always tell him, "Besides you, I have 163 other boyfriends!"

SO MUCH LOVE!!! (:

Post-note: Re-counted my polishes.. I've got 170 of them!!! :O

Black stockings, blue shoes with green polka dots.

Monday, May 14, 2012

There was 10 minutes left before her next lecture began. Ally sat on one of the benches by the lecture theatre as she waited. She took out her lecture materials to read, before her lecturer went through them in awhile. She opened her manual, stared at the words for a minute or two before she realised that her mind was registering none of the words before her. Her mind was on him.. and the surprise lunch visit that had taken place two hours before.

"Ally!!! How could you be late for the first lecture that we had today?! You didn't even turn up for the morning run!"
"... I lost something. I was late because I was looking for it."
"Lost something??? Your concession card again?!!"
"No, not that.. But it's something very important to me.."
"Then what is it?"
"I don't wish to talk about it. I'm very upset about it already."
"Okay okay. Let's change the topic. What shall we have for lunch today? Where to to have it?"

As her friends debated on their lunch venue for the day, Ally's mind wandered away from them. The frustration which she had finally managed to suppress during the morning lectures was beginning to rise again within her. She hated it when she can't remember where she had placed her belongings, and it gets worst when she loses her possessions. While she was getting ready for school that morning, she realised that her religious beads bracelet was not at its usual place, in the accessories basket bowl. She panicked and did a quick search throughout her room but it was to of no avail. She was forced to leave her house dejected, for she was going to be late for school already. It sucked to not have her daily accessory with her. She felt uneasy, not having it with her. It was her lucky/protection/energiser charm. It felt weird to have to go through a day without it. Ally took a gulp at the words "a day".. Somehow she had an inkling that it wouldn't be just a day. She hadn't had the confidence that she would find her beads bracelet anywhere at home even if she were to turn the whole house around.

Ally dragged her feet behind her friends as they made their way towards the canteen at the Southern part of the school. She tried to focuse her attention on her surroundings as she attempted to push this morning's incident out of her head, but found herself dazing instead, thinking about her beads bracelet.

"Hey, let's find seats!" The voice of one of her friends pulled Ally out of her daze. They had arrived at the canteen and as per usual, it was packed with hungry students. Ally stood up straighter and strained her neck as she looked around for a table for her clique. Just then, her phone buzzed.

Hmmm? Why is he calling me at this hour? Shouldn't he be having his lunch too?

Ally picked up the call.

"Hello?"
"Are you going to have lunch today?"
"Nooooooo..." Ally joked.
"Why?! You better have your lunch okay!"
"Nooooooooooo!"
"EAT!"
"No no no!"
"Please..?"
"Why are you able to call me now? Shouldn't you be having your lunch break?"
"Yeah I'm having my break now."
"With Chuck?"
"Yeap."
"Where is he?"
"Somewhere else..."
"Oh.. So what are you guys having for lunch today?"
"Eh he's coming back already. I call you back later."
"Oh-k..." Ally heard a 'click' and the line went dead on the other side. She hadn't even finished her sentence yet and much less said goodbye. She shook her head and pushed the dialog and her thoughts out of her mind as she continued her search for a table.

Her phone rang again. It was Millicent this time. She answered.

"Hey darling! Where are you?"
"I found us a table. It's infront of the Western food hawker. Come here."
"Okay! On the way!"

Ally waved to the 3 other girls in her clique who were beside her and led the way towards their table. When she arrived at the table, she plowed herself down on one of the seats comfortably and looked around at the hawkers in the canteen as she decided on what she would have for lunch.

With her eyes still on the various hawkers in the canteen, she asked her friends on what they were planning to have for lunch. Then, Jess, who sat beside her at the table, patted Ally on her shoulder. Ally turned around to face Jess.

"What..?"

Ally's eyes stopped for a second on Jess, then she saw a familiar figure in a red-checkered shirt behind Jess. Chuck...?! Then her eyes wandered towards the figure standing next to Jess, who wore a familiar looking khaki-coloured jacket. Her eyes lingered there for another second before it raised to see the owner of the jacket..

"EH?!!!! What are you doing here for?!!!" Ally voiced her thought out loudly unknowingly. Her heart took a double flip! There he was. Standing right before her.

For 3 minutes, Ally thought that she had gone deaf. All the chattering and noises in the canteen had become muffled. Except for him, everything else beyond that focus had gone blur. Ally's mind was trying to register the scene before her.

Him. Here at her school. At the canteen where she was at. In front of her table. No, she is not dreaming. He is real. Everything is real. He's here!!!!!

Ally snapped out of her stunned mode and zoomed back into reality. She began re-accepting the sounds around her and heard the taunts from her friends.

"Wah!!!! Surprise leh!!"
"Ally!!! He's here!!!"
"Hahahaha!!! Ohhhh... Ally.... Tsk tsk!"

Ally didn't know what to say. She had yet to recover from the surprise. She sat there, eyes on him, still in shock. He made his way towards her, and then pushed two cards in her hands. She looked down at the cards in her hands and recognised them. They were the Buddhist cards which he had always carried around his wallet, and he treasured them a lot.

"Hey, why are you giving me these?"
"Just take it. And keep it in your wallet properly."
"But why..."
"Take it."

It was redundant asking him for a reason when Ally knew the cause behind his action — her beads bracelet. She smiled widely, like a fool.