Pretty

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Yesterday was the last day of my first clinical attachment, and I know that I will miss the staff and patients at the rehabilitation centre dearly.

During one of my client's treatment session, I heard his maid praising me a couple of times to him, saying "Look. Sophie is pretty uh? Pretty Sophie!" (FYI: client has cognitive problems so he isn't very responsive to anything which has no relations to either food, numbers or puzzles) Anyway, so.. Wow! I haven't heard anyone say that I'm pretty in a very long while.

My boyfriend has never complimented me saying that I'm pretty k! Alright I'll be fair to him and add this statement: I do not remember and am not consciously aware of him saying that I'm pretty. And to think he complains on how I don't compliment him anymore when I always still do. Okay maybe I AM just praising him a little LESSER lately, because he's been working out and getting buff, and so he keeps asking me for my input on whether his muscles have grown bigger, and I can sincerely and truthfully tell you that it has, however I'm being a pain in his ass by refusing to tell him that and I keep on annoying him by saying that if he doesn't eat more and work out regularly, he is just gonna DEFLATE back to being a skinny wimp again LOL. Fhl for having just an irritating girlfriend who likes his muscles so much that I want them to still be there in the long-term and not just the short-term.

I think that ever since I sliced my hair short, it was the time when the word "pretty" became dissociated with me and it was replaced with "cute". (In this context, "adorable" and "cute" have the same definitions and yes, I'm incredibly anal about that lol!)

Just a quick jog down memory lane:
1) In 2009, I was fat, and henceforth the word "pretty" is not in the picture.
2) In 2010, I started slimming down. I became from fat to plump to average, in the span of one year. I was mostly depressed an emotional during that year and umm.. guess I started knowing that I was pretty at the end of the year but it hadn't sunk in yet then?
3) In 2011, I became thin and started being associated with the word "pretty" and yes, it sunk in deep. I remember how before I go out every single time, I would look into the mirror and make sure that I look PRETTY before I permit myself to step out of my room and then out of my house. Maybe that's why I was always late! Oops! Hahaha!

I can still remember a few instances that happened in 2011 which helped to build my self-esteem.

Point to note: I know I seem really confident with myself most of the time, but I actually have a rather low self-esteem. Surprise surprise? Lol

Instance #1
While I was working at Esprit, my older colleagues had a tendency to comment on how pretty I am and kept attempting to matchmake me with this other younger boy who was working as a part-timer at esprit as well. That boy is A LOT younger k. I think.. 3 years? Or 4? Can't really remember already.

Instance #2 & #3
Working at Science Centre. That's when the word "pretty" really sunk deep into me.

#2: I decided to help out another team who was working in the same department as I was at SSC, and was told to help pick up a bunch of school kids and their teachers who signed up to attend a short presentation and then a guided walk through an exhibition.

I reached the foyer, saw the bunch of kids and their teachers and approached the nearest teacher to confirm that they were the bunch of kids whom I was looking for. (FYI: teacher was a male) So after conversing briefly with the teacher to ensure that they were the people whom I was looking for, one of the kids (secondary school) asked her teacher: "Teacher, is that one of the school's teacher? She's so pretty!!" The teacher replied hurriedly, "No lah! Not our school teacher!"

I swear that the teacher ha a really embarrassed expression on his face because of what his student said, and he gave his student the look saying "What the hell you talking?! Shut up now!" Freaking funny! Hahaha!

#3: During one of the guided tours at one of the exhibitions, a group of 3 girls stopped me in my tracks and asked me: "Teacher, can we please take a picture with you? You are very pretty!" Honestly what went through my head then were these thoughts: What? Picture? Facebook? Upload? Everyone know? Is this a joke? Sarcastic? Really? Picture? Pretty?

I was rather hesitant initially (I was really being humble k! Not acting!!) and the girls begged me a little more before I gave in to their request. The girls were really joyful after our short photo-taking session. Their smiles were really what that made my day — not the compliment even though it truly did feel good (:

Instance #4
Went out on a date with this dude which was not a date initially or at least I didn't think of it that way, but he did and so it became a date... Dude kept complimenting on how pretty I am and had this look on his face that said "Gee! I'm so lucky to be out here with this pretty girl now! All you guys who are sitting around us, dig this and go die of jealousy! Muahahaha!" Again, really amused by his expression and okay maybe I exaggerated a lot on his thought but if you are able to form a mental image on how his expression was, yeap that's the one!

Instance #5
Currently ex-friend, but was a friend before, kept trying to matchmake me with the guys she knew. In her opinion, I was too pretty to be left on the shelves. I was a pretty flower who needed a seemingly matching exquisite vase to go with, and CANNOT be left to alone in my ugly reddish-brown pot to grow.

So she kept (trying to) introducing me to guys and then would later ask the guys on how they thought of me. (Personally I think she found it amusing to matchmake me but okay... it was rather amusing for me as well lol)

I remember how she was poking at me once after meeting one of her guy friends whom she confronted later on to get their input on how they felt/thought about me, and she was like "Eh Sophie! So what do you think about Jonathan? I asked him about you after the both of you met that day, and he says that you are very nice and really good.. and pretty! So how? Jonathan okay for you?" At that point of time my mind encircled around the word "pretty" and I didn't really pay attention to anything else, not even the guy okay! LOL poor dude?

So yeah, these were a couple of memories that I remember. The ones that had left a deeper impression in my mind. It took me awhile to accept and embrace the fact that I was/am pretty.

I haven't heard that word in a long whole, and it feels really good to be hearing that again. It feels even better than my bf's friend having told my bf (after his friend tried the brownies that I baked for bf which he brought to work to eat) that I'm a DEFINITELY a KEEPER because girls who can bake so well are freaking rare and that bf should never never let me go! Sorry la, I know I'm strange but I feel better when I'm complimented for my external appearance than for my skills because we all know how hard it is to receive any acceptance from the general public on our outer appearance.

I think I might just start being vain again (LOL) but with school... I don't know how I can possible be but I'll try. I really don't know how some girls in my class can be so prettily dressed for school every day. I don't know how they find time for it or can even possibly wake up earlier just so that they can step out of the house looking pretty, instead of simply picking out a hopefully presentable enough outfit for school every morning and then rush to school because the first lecture/lesson of the day is about to start! Really really take my hat off for them *takes bowler hate off my head and bows slightly*

It's really just so amazing (to me)!

Therefore, I really am an individual who acts like she is really extraordinary because she hopes to BE extraordinary, but really... I'm just an ordinary person like everyone else. (:

So much "really". What a mouthful! :O

A little more than a month to 2013!

Monday, November 26, 2012

Yes! 2013 is coming soon! So excited about it!

I'll be honest and say that before 2011.. I was NEVER EVER EVER enthusiastic over the arrival of a new year. It was always just another year for me. I think that it had something to do with the fact that I was still in the "schooling era" then. Nonetheless my justification is rather screwed since I am studying now as well.. so.. I guess it's because I've grown up and I have learnt how to appreciate life more?

Let's just leave all the justifications there and move on.

Well.. I did a little reflection and here are some thoughts that I would like to share.

1. I wish that my blog had been a little more alive and purposeful this year. I'm not saying that it hasn't but.. in terms of recording what that has happened in my life, it barely did much. All that it served as was a portal for me to dish out my rants and whines. From my perspective, I focused too much on the negative things this year and less on the positive. Will change that next year and for the years to come!

2. I spent too much time on people who no longer gave a damn about me. Those people whom I once called my "friends" are a HUGE disappointment. From empty promises to pretending that I no longer existed. I have to say this here and now, WELL DONE PEOPLE! Screw all of you, and I'm sorry that I WASTED so much time waiting for you, thinking what the hell went wrong, and lastly worrying if you were okay. Of course, you are definitely okay. All of you are. Merrying away happily, uploading pictures that are full of smiles, joy and laughter on facebook, tweeting about your daily activities/emotions.. Whatever it is, our ties are broken, our friendship has ended. DO NOT EVER COME LOOKING FOR ME, OR TELLING OTHERS THAT WE ARE FRIENDS. Trust me when I say that the day will come when you WISH you could tell the whole world proudly that you KNOW me. Unfortunately for you, you can only tell the world that you KNEW me, whereas I will tell the world, "Oh who? Er.. I'm not sure, I can't remember. I think I don't know that person. I'm sorry (not)."

3. I WISH I TOOK MORE PICTURES!!!! I think that the reason behind the lack of photos is because I am currently in a relationship and thus I have to be more bashful and less attention-seeking! Okay, scratch that reason. It's because I am no longer at my miraculously amazing weight of 50kg but have gained 4-5kg and I am STUCK THERE. IKR, so sad. Haters, go ahead and laugh. You will be my motivation to lose weight, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I will either be attending aerobics dance class or get myself a personal trainer. Bf is more for gym + personal trainer (strictly females!), but umm... I don't like running on a treadmill! Makes me feel like guinea pig and weights are boring. I will not deny that I would love to have a bod like Jessica from SNSD (especially her legs!!!) but I would rather go for one session each of pilates and aerobics a week, than go for just one session of gym per week. That is A LOT for a person who hates to exercise. Where have the days when I enjoyed running gone to? FAR FAR AWAY... (obviously)

4. I BOUGHT A LOT OF SHITTY CLOTHES. I am done ranting over that. NEXT.

5. I hardly bought any polishes at all... I SWEAR that this has EVERYTHING to do with being in a relationship. It starts from having to shift my polish expenses to expenses for dates, to being controlled over the amount of polishes I buy. That is if I even buy any polishes at all!! However I must say that most of the polishes that are featured this year haven't really been very... captivating. Ah well, there is always next year! Am already looking forward to some of the spring/summer collections! WEEEE!

So I'm gonna stop here because my list is kinda never-ending? However I will throw in a few funny facts that will be occurring in the course of next month..

Firstly, I am gonna get a chance to go on a holiday! It isn't very far, it is just malacca but good enough for me! It is BETTER than being stuck in sunny singapore all 365 days/year. I have gone to malacca but it has never been very.. memorable. And so, I am planning to get a good deal out of it this time and create a lasting good impression! Here's to a good holiday that awaits me! *clangs glasses*

Secondly, my Xmas present is my boyfriend getting a wardrobe of his own! YES, MY BF DOES NOT HAVE A CLOSET IN HIS ROOM!!! Do not ask me why, how or is that even possible?! Obviously it is possible because it is stated here clearly that that is what's happening now!! He does own a closet, but... it is placed in his parent's room. Very odd and strange I know. Which is why I have been nagging him for the longest time ever to get a wardrobe of his own! I even went with him to Ikea to pick one out, and the wardrobe that he'll be getting is a pretty white one with two-doors that will be swung open! I'm freaking happy k! Reason: I get more room to put my clothes, and therefore I am able to buy more clothes! YAY!!! :X

Thirdly, MY BIRTHDAY! I did my boyfriend a huge favor by telling him what I want for my birthday! HAHAHAHAHAHA! I am still in the midst of deciding on how I would like to spend my birthday... After having spent my birthday in the hospital last year, I've got to make-up for it this year k! I don't need a lavish party! Just something sweet, memorable and happy. (:

BALLOONS!! Maybe I will really crazy and buy myself one of those silvery helium balloons for my birthday. I have never gotten one of those balloons before. That will be so damn fun and it will be etched in my mind deeply.

To a fruitful and enjoyable week starting from this minute, CHEERS! ((:

Happy Monday people!

Galactic sweaters, bracelets and 2013 planners

Friday, November 2, 2012


Hi.

School is exhausting. I am thinking of stopping my tutoring so that I can have more time to focus on my studies and on The Project. This is something that I'm going to have to discuss with Rod because it will affect our agreement on our monthly contribution to our combined fund. I'm going to have settle this issue this weekend. It is my responsibility to give my tutees sufficient time to look for a new tutor. Things are going fast and they will be going even faster really soon.

I'm sorry for the ambiguity but the situation calls for it.

#breathe

2013 is gonna be one helluva exciting year — I'll swear on it.