Still angry, but it's time to let go

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

For the past couple of days, I have been tangled up with an unfortunate case of severe immaturity. Due to this case, I have had an argument with my beloved quite a number of times. I guess I finally decided to put the white flag up when I was done being hurt, being maligned, being too-nice.

I am still mad. How can I not be, when I have never spoken a single direct mean word to the person, yet I got thrown at with tons of vulgarities and hurtful stuff. I could have pulled out the "boyfriend" card to get the person to stfu, but I didn't because that would be really immature and I thought we could settle things in an adult fashion. It's quite obvious by now that my plan for both of us to end it in an adult fashion was a complete failure. Things didn't get better when she pulled out her "boyfriend" card. What I hated most was that her boyfriend was as immature as she is. I really shouldn't be surprised about that point actually. Which dumbass would repeatedly go back to a girlfriend who ill-treats him like nobody's business? I'm not kidding about the ill-treating. Worst case that I have EVER seen. Makes boyfriend kneels in public to apologise, then slaps and spits at him, and she still thinks she is right for doing all of that. She does not respect her boyfriend at all, and the guy is a fool for allowing his girlfriend to trample over him in such terrible manners.

If there is one kind of people that I hate in this world, it would be "two-faced" people. The thought of it still causes me to clench my jaw and grit my teeth. What is the point in apologising to me and telling me "Yes, my girlfriend is wrong. I'm so sorry about it." and then you go behind my back and tell my boyfriend "No, my girlfriend is right and your girlfriend is wrong. Your girlfriend is so bad (blah blah blah..)" No wonder you are as fucked up as your girlfriend. Despite everything your girlfriend did to me, did I honestly say shit about her when I could have? If she didn't do shit, why is that all I had to do was ask a few questions and she could gather up answers for my questions and retaliate me already? 要不是她心里有鬼,我的话能够刺激她吗?

In most cases, if people really assumed that they didn't do anything at all, they would reply with a "Huh? Can you elaborate on what I did wrong?" But for her, no. She just came at me with a rocket launcher and started blasting away. If not guilty, then please tell me what it is? You can't defend shit for yourself if you don't know what I'm talking about to begin with. So don't come and tell me how innocent you are when you lack of proper upbringing and moral values.

I don't know why I bother typing so much shit about them. Probably because I had so much anger in me and I had been storing all of them up because I know that if I were to release it out, then I would be no different from them and I would be stooping to their level. Therefore I have chosen the means of literature to vent my anger and to let it all out. I would really go insane if I had no avenue to release all these emotions. So just this once, right here on this blog, I would permit myself to let loose and let my emotions take over my hands.

Anyway before I started writing this entry, I had already decided that with this entry, I would close this chapter permanently and my refusal to see nor have anything more to do with these 2 individuals in the future. For all that they have done, I cannot forgive them because they were never even sincere with their apology in the first place. Even if they were to present me with their sincere apologies in the future, it is too late, my mind is made up and hence things will never change.

When I'm nice, I give a person all of me, to the very best. When I'm nasty, I'm shit as hell nasty and the worst bitch ever.

I have decided to leave the rest of this matter in the hands of my boyfriend. I have already told him on my decision and that I will leave my life, my heart, my mind, my security in his hands. He is gonna be my Prince Woohoo and protect me from all evils with his magical guitar! (Yeah ok fine, I'm being ridiculous here but hey lighten up the mood yo!)

End of story. End of this chapter. I will wake up tomorrow morning, free from any of these entanglements (for the rest of my life). I will be happy, chirpy, friendly, joyful, happy-go-lucky and my boyfriend's favourite mood - lovey dovey (:


Have a great day everyone. You deserve it!

I blame, my short hair.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Today, I finally understood the reason behind my parent's harsh criticisms on my behaviour and my character. Before today, I hated my parents for their constant criticisms on me. I couldn't understand why they always looked at me in a bad light. In my eyes, there is nothing wrong with my character. It wasn't perfect, but it was good.

If that is the case, why am I thanking my parents then? Because today I realised that whatever I have now, it is all because of my parents. Yes, their criticisms are harsh, brutal and hurting. I've lost count of the number of times that I have cried over their mean words. Today, I will contradict myself by saying "Thank you mom, thank you dad, for all the mean things that you have said to me, and from preventing me from becoming a spoilt brat."

I have encountered spoilt brats in my life. In fact, I dated one before. However I have never met a person who is more spoilt and more bratty than any other spoilt brats that I have ever met. Probably because I have a dated a spoilt brat before, hence I know the extreme importance of not conforming to a spoilt brat. Spoilt brats, they always get their way. Their family does it out of love, their friends do it probably because it is the easier way out and there is less trouble as well, however these friends sneer at them behind their back and despise them. To call these people "friends", I feel sad for these spoilt brats because they are unable to identify their true friends. In other words, yes.. spoilt brats are pathetic.

Spoilt brats are unable to accept any form of disagreement or criticisms from others. They resort to childish means to get what they want. They don't hesitate to inflict pain on others, just to satisfy their need for revenge and to satisfy their inner devil that drives the wheel of negativity. We all know of people to inflict pain on themselves, either by physical or mental means.

By physical means, I'm referring to wrist-cutting, suicides, head banging. Whatever sort that will bring about a physical harm to your body.

By mental means, I am referring to the refusal to change your mindset and have happy thoughts.

Why do people inflict pain on themselves then? Because pain feels good.

I know, I sound absurd, but think about it. Pain is what makes you feel human. Pain is what makes you alive and feel that you are living. Pain is an emotion that you can feel thoroughly. That heartache, that sensation that runs through your entire body that makes you wanna curl up in bed. Pain is one of the emotions that can be identified easily. We all say, "Why can't we be happy when we are sad? Why is this sadness never going away?" If that were to ever happen to you again (which it most probably will because we are all humans living on the surface of this planet), please ask yourself this question "Am I allowing myself to be happy? What am I thinking right now? AM I THINKING HAPPY THOUGHTS?".

Very often, it isn't that happy thoughts are hard to think of. But rather instead, it is harder to let go of unhappy thoughts because we would lose that feeling of pain that surges through us that makes us feel alive. Happiness makes a person feel light-headed and we would feel as though our feet isn't on the ground, and well.. I guess that makes us feel weird? To all my dearest friends, if you can feel light-headed, feel blessed because you have something in your life that makes you happy. Happiness makes everything better and we all deserve to each own a better world.

Back to the main point of this entry: "I blame, my short hair."

Ever since I sliced my long hair off, I look less like a bitch. No really. My best friends say that I look really cute and easy to bully now, and most unfortunately, I have to announce this: Yes I know I am adorable (BHB much!) but I am NOT nice nor easy to bully. I'm not a bad bitch, I'm a good bitch. Kinda like how not all witches are bad, there are good witches too. For those who don't get what I'm trying to say, GO WATCH 'HANSEL & GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS'.

Over the past year, I have lost count of the number of people who have attempted to take advantage of my kindness and how I have had to pull out the inner bitch in me to let these people know that I am not who they think I am and I am not to be messed with.

Before I sliced away my long hair, I would often get comments like "You look damn fierce and scary", when really I didn't say shit nor do anything at all. When boyfriend first met me, he said that I look damn fierce and mature, which is why he wasn't attracted to me. I know what's going on in all of your heads. Yes, he is a poor chap who fell for my current cunning, deceiving, doe-like appearance. TOO BAD!

You know I actually don't mind having the image that I give to others when I have short hair. What I hate is how these people don't know how to control themselves and they have such poor character. No one should ever be taken advantage of, and these spoilt brats prey on such people just to have a good time. So despicable. Seriously, I have to despise them.

I want everyone here to remember this:

DO NOT FALL PREY TO GROUP CONFORMITY.

It is important to be liked by your friends and more often than not, we change ourselves so as to gain their acceptance. However in the process of gaining their acceptance, do always take note on whether the changes that you make is to make yourself a better person or to simply just gain their approval of you. If that change is to simply gain their approval of you but it makes you a lousier person, I rather you lose the friend and be..


One day you will find friends who can see you for your good and to accept you for who you are. It's hard but just endure. It is much better than finding friends who misguides you, mistreats you and misleads you. Live a good and right life, not a good but wrong one.

Like what I told the spoilt brat: If you want me to say something, I'm only gonna give you the truth and it will be nothing but brutal and harsh. If you can't accept what I'm going to say, then I suggest you be on your way and stop bothering me, or else what you seek for will only be the disruption of peace to our friendship.

P.S. REMEMBER THIS: Don't mess with me. Yes you're bitchy, but I will always be bitchier than you.