People who will not give up on me

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Fortunately for my best girl friend, my entry today will be the kind which she likes. Thoughts-inducing and reflective. It has been a very long time since I entered such a state of deep thought.

Recently, a bitter event occurred. To protect the identity of the person involved, I have decided to not jot down the details. After all, why remember the unhappy stuff? The thing that I wish to note down would be my reflective conclusion. The people whom I need in my life are the ones who will not give up on me.

It is not the first time that someone has decided to abruptly cut ties away from me. Fortunately for me, the current party who is involved in this bitter event, has been kind enough to provide me with some reasons to understand the choice made and I honestly appreciate the effort made.

Most people think that friendships are unimportant as they can be easily made, and therefore easily broken. Thus when a friend leaves, no justification is required. It is alright to leave all loose ends untied. Well.. to this bunch of people, I feel very sorry for you when you age.. because the day will come when your hair is white, your skin is papery and there are wrinkles all over your face, you will most probably be alone, without any friends, because you have never made the extra effort to retain any friends that you have made throughout your lifetime. You will leave this world without the reminiscence of a good friend who was there with you through your good times and your bad times, who knows your character very well, who puts up with your weaknesses and redefines your strengths, who knows all your secrets (from the dirty and bad ones to the embarrassing and funny ones) and most importantly, have you seen you grow and has grown with you.

Such friends are different from your lifelong partner. The relationship that you have such friends are different. Your partner is most probably already burdened down with the task of having to care for you, be responsible for you, to share almost every one of your emotions with you.. As much as we imagine them to be, they are not superheroes. Most importantly, they just aren't like friends. I can't exactly explain how. Perhaps it is the lack of intimacy or that the number of years that you have spent with your friend(s) is more than the number of years that you have spent with your lifelong partner? This is based on the assumption that the friendship will last till the death of either party.

As I grow older, I realise that it might be easier to make close friends, however it is equivalently easy to lose them. Those that stay with you are usually the friends who have been with you during your younger days. They know the bullshit that you have been through, you have been through some bullshit of theirs with them, or if not you have had some bullshit with them. I would say that such friendships are really interesting, fascinating and addictive. I guess I need friends who are not afraid to make a solid statement to me that they will never give up on me and they make sure that I keep some sort of proof of their words because they know that they are going to keep that promise for sure and hence the lack of fear that they will someday disappoint me. Only wimps dare not make solid promises and will always leave an escape route for themselves.

I still remember the day that my partner (I don't call my boyfriend "boyfriend" as it is a definitive term, or in this case too definitive) handed me a file and told me to read its contents immediately. Inside the file was a simple piece of A4-size white paper with some words documented on it with black printer ink, yet it held some of the greatest promises that he has ever made to me. He was not afraid to give me his words in a hard copy, and that really touched me deeply. It reminds me of today when I got upset over my sister's terrible habit of using the term "fat" on me, which I find to be very offensive and hurting. I got upset and decided to sleep my troubles away. As I laid on his bed, tired from a long day at work and hurt from my sister's word, he hugged me from the back and whispered softly in my ear "I love you" countless of times, and then he said "I'll never leave you no matter what". Hmm.. TMI? Haha!

My best guy friend made me take a screenshot of his promise (he sent it through text) and told me that I have the right to slam this screenshot in his face if he were to ever break it. So manly of him! Gotta give him credits!

My best girl friend.. She has never given me such kind of promises in terms of words, however she has always been proving to me through her actions that she is never going to give up on me. In fact, whenever I complain to her on all the disappointing people whom I have met, she would shoot me right back with this same old point: "Who cares about those people? I'm still here right? I have not given up on you." Aww.. So cheesy! *throws heart-shaped confetti*

Not forgetting my family.. I have to signal out my little brother for this one. I can never forget that night when I got upset over my ex-boyfriend after we broke up, and my little brother hugged me really tightly as I cried on his shoulders. He wiped my tears and kept me company while my tears flowed on. He didn't really know how to comfort so he chose the alternative of trying to cheer me up by coming up with some really lame jokes that are seriously lame. I think he took the soft toys around my bed and started acting really silly with them. The jokes were not that funny but the effort that he made in getting me to cheer up.. it was what cracked me up. I have an awesome little brother!

With all the love from these people, I will end this entry tonight. I will find more fantastic and beautiful people in this world. This is why I live.

Amazingly marvellous, fantastic and enchanting

Saturday, January 5, 2013

It's a new year already, 2013. As the tradition that was started in 2011, here is my new year resolution for 2013..
2013: A year that is amazingly marvellous, fantastic & enchanting.

There are many things that are going to happen this year. Also, I made a resolution list this year. I guess it is to make for the... boring year that I had for 2012. No, really. I did nothing exceptionally crazy nor thrilling. Whether it is for the better or for the worst, I will leave you to decide for me.