A Little Bit of Me

Sunday, March 29, 2009

My turn to be in the limelight!!

After so many entries on nothing but the story,
i'm getting a little tired on writing.
i've never thought that story-writing could be that tiring.
Especially when i've got to squeeze my brain juice out for details.
Somehow, when that writer-mode just suddenly vanishes,
writing becomes a total killer.

its the 1st week back in school.
everyone is still in the post-holidays mood,
the i-dont-want-to-go-back-to-school mood. as if anyone wants to. :X
new term = new notes.
most of my term 2 notes are twice the thickness of term 1.
in order to survive through my term 2,
i've gone to unnecessary needs by separating those THICK notes into smaller piles.
i'm still wanting my spine to be perfect condition.

as the days go by,
everyone's schedule is getting more hectic.
like the Himalayas Mountain, our mountain of homework is growing as well.
and its at a much much faster rate.
everyday when i reach home, the first thing i'll do is crash and sleep.
waking me up is already a chore for my mom,
now its a killing job.
too bad, i love the bed, my mom loves me.
this is life.

however,
work is work, life is life.
two different aspects of my life.
which is why.....
there's still playtime! :D
haven't you always heard those experts saying,
you've got to set time out for fun no matter how busy you are.. and blah and blah.
so yes, i've got half a day set out every week.
its obvious who i always spend that half a day with.
what about you?

LAST SATURDAY
on my craze of sticking stickers all over his belongings,
his spectacles was not let off the hook either!

looking for some really cute disney stickers?
head over to MINI-TOONS!
they're selling these really cute stickers at $1.95 for 50 pieces! its a bargain!



THIS SATURDAY
watched CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC. a definite movie worth watching.

after shopping for daddy's presents (birthday next friday!),
its DINNER TIME.
New York New York again. the food there is rather good!

while waiting for the food,
my camera went "snap snap snap"! :D



Double Barrel sandwich!
one of the nicest sandwich we've ever eaten (:






alright alright.
i know this post is freaking lousy and short.
too bad! the lady doesnt have much of a choice.
she has to complete her mountain pile of homework.
hate tomorrow's timetable. why cant it all be lectures?!?!
why is there so many freaking tutorials!! *grumbles*
life should be more fair.

An SK Production: I Remember.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Chapter 5: A Walk Down The Path of Destruction




Flip, flip, flip.
As I leafed through the pages of my yearbook,
I paused to look at the faces of people whom I once knew.
I took a brief glance at their profile,
remembered the various incidents in which they were involved,
a tiny smile creeped up my face,
and then I would proceed back to my flipping.
When I arrived at the page of my class,
I couldn't stop my eyes from looking down the page immediately,
in search of a particular something, or to be more precise,
a certain someone.
When I saw his profile, I felt a gush of memories rushing towards me.
Too many things to remember, too many things I've remembered.
Slowly, I placed the yearbook aside.
I sat in silent, staring at the white wall before me.
I began to recap our incidents, his incidents...
Starting from the age of 5...
When the movie that was playing in my head was finally over,
I felt exhausted. Remembering 7 years of events was not easy indeed.
However thrilling it felt when the incidents was being replayed in my head,
I knew that I had to move on.
It was time to embrace a new chapter of my life.

I stood outside the corridor of my classroom,
my arms resting lightly on the metal railing.
It just rained. The air was cooling.
I took in a deep breath of the refreshing air. Just what I needed.
As I stood gazing at the open field, a million thoughts rushed through my head.
They were all questions and more questions and more questions.
Questions that I did not have an answer to.
I looked back over the past few months of my life,
what a drastic change.
Is this really what I want...? Sigh..

"Vera!!"
"Yeah..?"
I turned around and faced the source of the calling, Alice.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hmm..? Nothing."
"Oh.. Okay." She dragged her monotonous answer.
"Why? Whats wrong this time?"
"Erm...."
I breathed out a huge sigh. "Whats wrong with Darren again?"
"He just keeps on pestering me!!"
"I thought you liked the attention??"
"Well.. Yeah I do." She admitted sheepishly.
"Then.. Whats wrong now?"
"Well!! I just don't think I'm ready to be with him. Yet!" She exclaimed.
"Then just tell him that lah! It's pointless toying with him." I reasoned her out.
"But! I've developed feelings for him...." She whispered.
"Then just be with him, for god's sake!"
"But but! I'm not ready yet! I've heard that this relationship thing is really complicated and troublesome! You've got to.. Got to hold hands lah, go out on dates lah, hug each other lah, and and! The worst of all, you've got to kiss!!" She gave me a disgusted face.
I laughed. "I'm still going to say the same thing, you either tell him, yes. Or No. Simple as that. Just make sure that you don't regret later for making the wrong decision."
"Bah... You're of no help at all!" She grumbled.
"Hahaha.. I never said I would be. And for the matter of fact, I'm inexperienced in this kind of stuff. So all my advices would be-"
"Shit crap." She finished off my sentence for me.
We ended our conversation with fits of laughter.

We walked back into the classroom,
exchanging grins on the way.
"Alice...."
We turned our heads in unison to face the source of the voice.
"Hello Darren." I greeted.
Darren flashed me his trademark smile, yet his eyes never left Alice.
"Yes Darren?" Said Alice.
Darren shrugged his shoulders and began talking aimlessly,
diverting Alice's attention to him.
Together, they walked into the classroom, deep in their conversation,
with me, forgotten, trailing behind them into the classroom.
I looked at them and envy surged through me.
I wanna be loved too, I wanna love someone too.....

A week later, Alice was together with Darren.
The happy couple went everywhere together.
They came to school together, they sat together in class,
they partnered each other for projects, they sat together during breaktimes....
Everything that they did, they did it together.
From a physical point of view,
it seemed as though they were deeply in love.
But as Alice's good friend, I knew that it was nothing more than just lust.
With raging hormones, they were just two people of different genders,
submitting to the control of the pesky hormones.
Without love, the feeling would soon be gone, just as quickly as it came.
Infatuation, is the word of description.
Although, they weren't together because of love,
the two of them had created quite in a chaos in class.
People were reeking of jealousy, and I was unfortunately, one of them.

I was blinded by the desire to be with someone,
I yearned to be with someone so desperately,
that I started throwing all my feelings around.
To take an extra few more glances at guys,
to hear my voice turning up an octave higher when I spoke to guys,
to hear my voice coated in a sugary-covering,
to see myself watching my every move whenever I'm around guys.
The more I did these stuff, the more I felt disgusted with myself.
I felt like a slut, I felt like a bitch, I didn't feel like Vera anymore.
What had happened to me? I didn't know.
I tried shying away from guys, but I simply couldn't.
Like the opposite ends of a magnet, I was attracted to them.
I was helpless, I was hopeless.
I had thrown myself into a pitch black ditch that was so deep that I could see no ends,
and neither could I climb out of that ditch.
I thought I was in a major disaster then,
but what I had never expected was for more to come in the next few years......

Like all major disasters, it began slow.
So slow that you've never anticipated the magnitude of its disaster.
A disaster, a catastrophe, a calamity, a cataclysm, a tragedy...
was about to occur, because I had allowed it to take place.

It all began with one text message.
"Buzz, buzz."
I looked up from my desk which was overflowing with all my worksheets and notes.
Who in the world would SMS me? I thought.
I was then, a good little girl.
One who barely used her handphone even though I owned one.
Pushing a few buttons on my handphone,
the text message was opened.
"Hello, are you Vera?"
Beads of cold sweat began pushing itself through my pores,
I shivered in fear.
The number was not familiar,
and this unknown person even knew my name. What should I do?
"Yes, I'm Vera. Who are you?" I texted back.
"Someone from the same school as you." Was the reply I received.
"Okay... Who are you?"
"Someone."
"Who????"
"Human."
"Are you going to tell me who the hell are you?!?!"
"Woah... Chill man. Relax..."
"Who the shit are you? How'd you get my name and my number?"
"Okay okay, relax. I'm Charlie. I'm from the class next to you. I got your number from Alice. Don't scold her please. She meant no harm. "
What the shit. Despite the plea for Alice, I was ready to pounce on her tomorrow in school.
And for the next few days, I was attached to my phone. I was never away from it.
I could be seen texting everyday, and it was to the same recipient.
It seemed so harmless then.
But I was wrong. Very very wrong....

-To Be Continued-

An SK Production: I Remember.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Chapter 4: The Bleeding White Rose




All my dreams were shattered.
All my dreams were crashed.
Nothing was like what I imagined it to be.
No.. Things shouldn't be like that.
It should be better. It should be merrier.
Why was it like that?
I imagined it to be all pretty,
like wearing a pretty, pink dress,
which has lots of pink laces and pink ribbons decorating it,
a big pink ribbon tied at the back into a nice and pretty bow.
Everything was suppose to be brilliant. Everything was suppose to be pretty.
How did it all end up like this?
Why am I wearing a torn dress? All ugly, all tattered.
It's beyond repair. The damage done to it.... such extensive damage.
Was it necessary to ruin my dress?
Was it necessary to ruin my remaining 2 years in Primary School?
Was it necessary to ruin my life in Primary 5 and Primary 6?
My years when I was 11 & 12,
was a complete horror.
It wasn't what I expected it to be.
Just like the dresses,
I imagined those years to be all pretty like the pretty pink dress with the ribbons and laces.
Yet, in reality, those years were trashed, they were being torn apart, they were being ruined.
Through and through.
Those people... they left no remains at all.
They had to tear every single bit of my pretty dress.
Into bits and pieces.
My dress, my life, was ruined and beyond repair.

I walked into my new class,
with new enthusiasm.
I was like a young girl, donned in a new dress.
All happy and excited.
Eager to know my classmates, to embrace my new class.
Only to walk out of that class, 2 years later,
all crippled, injured, bruised and hurt.
For once, I knew that in this world,
nothing was as brilliant as it seems to be.
He was still as ever, brilliant and outstanding.
He was like a rose to me,
a white rose, pure and beautiful,
growing in my heart.
Yet, its such a pity,
because with such a beautiful rose,
sharp thorns accompanied it. And how they hurt. So badly.

"Hey Vera!"
"Hmm....? Yes Cruella?"
"I heard that you like Xavier, don't you?"
"Where did you hear that from?!"
"So its true.. Well, you can dream of getting him. He'll never be yours. See that girl there? She's Melissa. Her mother and his mother have known each other for ages. Do you hear me? For ages. If anyone's to be with him, it'd be her. It would never be you. Never!"
"Yeah Vera. It'd never be you. Who are you to be with him? You're a nobody. Just a nobody. You're not worthy of him at all."
"Do you hear us? You. Are. Not. Worthy. Of. Him."

The last few words were spat into my face.
I fought hard within me, to search for something to say back.
But I couldn't.. I was renderred speechless.
From then on, I daren't go close to him.
I kept my distance from him.
I stayed away from him.

Although we were in the same class,
I felt even more distanced from him than ever before.
Silently, I noted down his actions.
Every small and minute detail of his little actions,
I was observant to them.
However small they were, they left a deep impression.
Deeply imprinted his actions were to me.

Although I spoke little to him,
being in the same class allowed me to witness a few memorable incidents of his.
Incidents which I carefully preserved and stored in memory....

During Physical Education....
"Class! We're going to do high jump today, in ready for the Annual Sports Meet. Now, get into two lines, one boy one girl. Hurry hurry!"
It was another boring day of physical education.
Everyone dragged their feet and shuffled into line.
As there was only one mat available, we had to do it by turns,
starting off with the boys.
One by one, the boys took their turn.
The good ones, jumped over the bar effortlessly.
The lucky ones, manage to stumble across the bar.
The unlucky ones, managed to get across the bar too,
but they brought the bar along with them onto the mat.
Finally, it was his turn.
He stood a few metres away. All ready and prepared. His body tensed.
Then, on the teacher's cue, he ran.
Jumped over the bar gracefully,
and landed on the mat on his 2 feet,
with his arms raised above his head in the shape of a V-sign.
The teacher stared at him with two bulging eyes,
the class was trying hard not to laugh, stiffling the laughter into giggles.
He turned around to face the class and everyone saw his beetroot-red face.
No one could control their laughter anymore.
Everyone bursted into fits of laughter.
Even he, joined in the laughter.
Thanks to him, the boring physical education lesson suddenly became interesting.
So did the ordinary school day, which became a memorable one.
For me.

During Civics Moral Education....
"XAVIER!!! SWITCH PLACES WITH MICKEY!!"
"WHY?!??!"
"Because you keep talking to Minnie!!"
"Its not my fault! She's the one who keeps talking to me!"
"Which is why I'm telling you to switch places with Mickey!!"
He grumbled, took his books and stationaries,
and swop places.
That was how he ended up sitting beside me.
For some unknown reason,
he blushed. A deep red.
While the whole class roared into laughter, I stared at him.
Whats there to blush about? I wondered.
I never got the answer to my question.
I was the only one who remembered it.

"Xavier, would you kindly come up here and help me?"
"Okay."
It was another CME lesson.
The teacher needed a student to help with her demonstration.
She picked him.
"Now, class.. This is what you should do when someone falls down. Xavier, would you act as though you're falling down?"
He straightened his torso, locked his arms to the side of his body,
he looked exactly like a soldier. All solid and hard.
Then, he simply leaned back and fell to the floor,
like a cemented statue of a soldier being pushed down onto the floor.

*BANG!*
As his body hit against the floor, it created a loud sound.
The sound was equivalent to the roar of thunder.
The teacher was utterely shocked, she stood there, stunned.
Gasps of shock ran through the class,
people leaned forward from their table,
people stood up from their chair,
everyone was trying to get a glimpse of him who was still lying on the floor.
After 5 (eternal) seconds,
the teacher finally recovered from shock.
Hurriedly, she dashed forward,
helping him up, asking if he was fine and etc.
He stood up and flashed the class his trademark grin,
through his crimson red blush.
At the sight of his blush, the class erupted into laughter.
He smiled sheepishly and walked back to his seat,
with a still red face.

Such vivid images I'm having in my head.
As I'm remembering them now,
I can see the scene being replayed right before me.
It seemed as though, the incidents are once again,
being unfolded right infront of him.
I was the audience, he was the actor on stage.
The scenes that he acted,
the moves that he made,
the actions that he did,
the sound that he produced,
I remembered till the last minute detail.

Once again, time flew.
2 years passed swiftly, even before I knew.
On the night of my graduation,
I laid in bed and tears began falling from my ears,
drenching my pillow and my sheets.
I felt silly initially, crying over my graduation,
I was not known to act in such a particular manner.
Only after awhile, did I realise that,
I was not tearing because of my graduation,
I was tearing because I might never be able to see him again.
The sadness surged through me again and brought another flow of tears.
An irony that time passes slowly when one is unhappy,
it ticked by slowly and my tears streamed down my face silently,
in such a way I fell asleep.
I cried myself to sleep.
My beautiful white rose. Stained with blood. My blood.
I can no longer sustain its growth,
so I can only slowly watch it wilt within me...
I'll remember you forever,
my bleeding white rose...

-To Be Continued-

An SK Production: I Remember.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Chapter 3: Different paths, similar destination




He walked left, I walked right.
Its as though we've walked till the end of the path
that we've taken together for the past 3 years.
Before we were separated,
he told me: "Vera, work hard. Don't be lazy just because I'm not beside you. Remember, this is not all the potential that you can unleash. There's more than that within you. I know that you're not going to be in a really good class next year, but still, its not the worst that there is. Work hard, you can accomplish more than just that. When we meet again, make me proud okay? Oh and one more thing, if we do meet again. Please don't sit beside me. I don't wanna puke anymore blood."
I laughed at his words.
Those words were my motivation,
the motivation that I needed.
To strive hard, to work hard,
to see him again.

I wouldn't really consider it as a coincidence.
To me, it was more of fate, more of destiny.
We were placed in the same house. Red house.
By then, we were in Primary 3.
All students from Primary 3 onwards,
was required to be present for the Annual Swimming Meet that the school held.
The venue, I can still remember, was at Hwa Chong Institution.
We were told to go there by ourselves.
Our parents were allowed to accompany us for the event.
I went with my mom, he went with his mom.

When I arrived, the place was alien to me.
I knew no one, no one knew me.
I stumbled up the grand stand, heading to my house alone.
My mom was separated from me,
parents had to watch from the cafeteria above the grand stand.
Once again, terror surged through me.
Although everyone was wearing the same uniform as I was,
there wasn't any familiar faces at all.
I began panicking,
I couldn't find my mother,
I couldn't find my friends,
I couldn't find anyone whom I knew.
Just then, heaven provided me with an answer.
I saw him.

I wondered if he could remember me, knowing what poor memory he had.
I used to tease him,
why was his brain pea-sized, small?
Yet why did he have such a big head. What an irony.

I walked forward, afraid of speaking to him,
I lurked around his side,
before being able to brace up enough courage to talk to him.
Just like what I thought,
he couldn't remember.
It took me quite awhile to refresh his memory.
Till now, his poor memory still irritates me badly.
How could anyone actually have such lousy memory? I wonder.

For the whole of the event,
we were together.
Where you can find me, you can find him as well.
Where you can find him, you can find me as well.
We cheered for the winners together.
We jeeered at the losers together.
We ran around the area together.
We did basically, everything together.
We stuck together throughout the entire swimming meet.
He helped me to find my mother.
He introduced me to his mother.
I introduced him to my mother.
We introduced our mothers to each other.
And then, off we went again. Running around the area.
Innocence filled our mind.
We were nothing, but young and innocent kids.

"Vera! Look!! Food!!"
"Where????"
I looked at the area which he pointed.
"Oooo.. I see cold beverages!!"
"Yeah!! Let's go get some!!"
"WHAT?!?!?! Are you mad Xavier?!"
"Why not! Let's go get some for our mothers!"
"What..? No Xavier!! Xavier!!! NO!!! Eh you!! Don't go!! Eh wait up!! Wait for me!!!"
I ran after him, afraid to lose him in the crowd.
He grabbed my hand and began winding through all the people.
"Come on! Let's go!"
"Gosh.. You're insane Xavier!"
We reached the table loaded with all the goodies,
and managed to sneak 2 cups of cold beverages away.
Quickly, we walked away, clutching onto our prizes tightly.
We went back to our mothers and gave them the beverages.
They questioned the source of it, but we refuse to tell them.
Afterall, it was a secret between just, me and him.

If I was given a second chance,
I would do anything in the world to stop him from going for a second round.
As we wind through the crowd again,
I lost sight of him.
I began crying his name out loud, but he couldn't hear me.
It was far too noisy, too many people were talking,
they drowned out my voice.
"Xavier! Xavier! XAVIER!!"
I began winding through the crowd even more desperately,
searching for him frantically.
Where was he? Where did he go? Xavier, where are you?
When I arrived at the table, I couldn't find him.
I quickly went back to the grand stand, hoping he was there.
To my dismay, he wasn't.
I was terrified.
I couldn't see him anywhere, I couldn't find him anywhere,
I lost him.
How was I going to answer to his mother?
Just then, I felt a tap on my shoulder.
I turned around and faced his mother.
She smiled at me and asked me in a gentle tone,
"Where's Xavier?"
I stuttered, " I.. Don't Know. He's somewhere in that crowd."
I pointed towards the crowd. To the place where I lost him.
Just pointing to the crowd generated tears in my eyes.
I couldn't register the fact that I lost him. Right infront of me.
I bowed my head down, not wanting to let his mother see my tears.
Thankfully, she headed towards the crowd where I pointed,
in search of him.
Hurriedly, I wiped my tears off with the back of my sleeve.
I felt another tap on my shoulder,
it was my mother, it was time to head back home.
I gave as many reasons as I could, I gave as many excuses as I could,
I tried to delay as much time as possible.
I wanted to know that he was found, before I left.
I wanted to know that he was safe, before I left.
I wanted to see him one last time, before I left.
But, I was never given a chance.
My mom dragged me away from the venue..

As I sat in the car, gazing at the scene outside the window,
a thousand thoughts came into my head.
I wondered if his mom managed to find him.
I wondered if he was okay.
I wondered if he was fine.
I wondered if was mad at me, for going without saying goodbye.
I just kept on thinking about nothing, but him.
When I saw him again after the weekend in school,
I heaved a sigh of relief.
When I asked him about what happened,
the only reply I got from him was a "Huh..?"
Oh well.. It's better that he doesn't remember.
It'll be something that only I'll remember.
That's good enough. For me.

As my third year passed,
I remembered his words and worked hard.
And I proved him right.
I got third in class and was promoted to a much better class.
This time, the distance between me and him got shorten.
He was in the class, just next to mine.

Quicker than ever, in the blink of an eye,
another year passed.
This time, I achieved my goal.
I was in the same class as him.
Although I've been working so hard to reach my goal,
it still came as a shock.
I even pinched myself to see if its real,
and ouch! It's really pain that I'm experiencing.
This ain't a dream. This is reality!
The euphoria.. its beyond description.

I spent the 2 months of my school holiday thinking,
what would the rest of my 2 years in school turn out like?
For once, I couldn't wait,
for the holidays to end,
for school to begin.
I was anxious, to see him again.

After waiting for so long,
our paths were finally meeting. Again.
I'm done walking right, he's done walking left.
We're going to be walking straight.
No more crossroads, no more walking left, no more walking left,
the next path is going to be straight,
and we're going to walk that path, together.
Patience, a killer,
it takes away all your air away, leaving you almost close to nothing,
before giving you oxygen again.
Love is like the air we breathe.
Love is like the oxygen.

-To Be Continued-

An SK Production: I Remember.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Chapter 2: Nothing Ever Starts With The Word "PLEASANT"




I rocked back and forth on my chair.
It was a habit that I could never correct.
I knew the danger that it contained,
but still, bad habits are hard to change, isnt it?
I rocked a little further and leaned my chair on the table behind me.
Suddenly, the table behind me was pulled back.
I was caught by surprised!
Being one second too late,
my chair was not able to keep its balance and I was leaning too far back,
I fell onto the floor and landed on my butt.

*CRASH!*
"OUCH!" My limbs were all tangled in a mess with the legs of the chair.
I looked up from the floor and saw many pairs of eyes looking at me.
I blushed a deep crimson red and clambered quickly back on my feet.
Pulling my chair upright again, I sat down,
turned and stared at the person sitting behind me.

"What?! I hate people leaning their chairs on my table."
I continued shooting daggers at him through my eyes.
He ignored me and turned to speak to another girl,
ending our conversation just like that.

I was furiously mad at him.
Could he not have chosen to tell me?
Was such an action really necessary?
I was not some kind of imbecile who wouldn't be able to understand his words.
Secretly, I swore that I would not speak to him until he apologized for his actions.
But, once again, my lips defied my orders,
and I found myself conversing with him with much enthusiasm.
The incident was thrown right to the back of my mind,
forgotten and forgiven without an apology.

My first year with him, it flew pass quickly.
He, being smart, had the grades.
He, being good-looking, had the girls in the class salivating all over him.
He, being from a well-to-do family, had everything that he wants.
As for me, I was the complete opposite.
How could I ever be compared to him?
Standing beside him,
I'm like a trash compared to a King's Crown made in gold & diamonds.
I'm the ground for people to step on while he was the sky which people adored and prayed to.
The difference between us was just like the distance between the heaven and the earth.
We were far too different.

Although I was only 6 then,
I might have failed to recognize the signs of that nagging feelings within me,
but I knew that something was not right.
Not right because I shouldn't be liking him.
Not right because I wasn't suppose to like him.
Not right because I hadn't the rights to like him.
Not right because I'm not worthy enough for him.
A hundred, a thousand, a million, not rights I had in mind.
But I was still unable to control my emotions.
They were far beyond my control. Far beyond my grasp.
Then, I swore to myself to never let him know about it.
To never let him know my feelings for him.
To never let him know that I like him.

Heaven must have been playing a joke on me.
Just after I swore, heaven played a nasty trick on me.
A really nasty one. When we were Primary 2.

"Vera! Go sit next to Xavier."
"WHAT?! Why?!?!!"
"What why? Go sit next to him!"

I must have looked like a goldfish, with my big-bulging eyes.
I couldn't help it, after hearing the teacher's arrangement.
What kind of a mean joke is this? Making me sit next to him!
I grabbed my bag and trudged to my seat.
I plopped down on my seat loudly and stared at the blackboard,
refusing to make any eye contact with him.
Not a single word was exchanged between us
because I wasn't allowing a chance for it to happen.
Obstinate, I was being.
Although I might have seemed all unwillingly on the outside,
my stomach had wild butterflies soaring all around,
my heart was pumping faster than ever before,
my blood was rushing madly through my entire body.
My eyes were wanting badly to take a look at him,
my lips were wanting badly to talk to him.
There had never been anything that I had wanted more than in my life,
other than to sit next to him in class.

"NO! You're suppose to first multiply this, then bring that extra number forward, multiply the number at the second row, add the extra number gotten previously to this number and there you go, you've got your answer!"
"Oh! I see.." I gave him a look of apprehension.
He looked at me doubtfully. "You still don't get it, do you?"
I shook my head slightly.
He breathe out a loud sigh.
My face fell slightly and an apologetic look crossed my face.
He took a look at me and took a deep breath.
"Alright, let's do it again. Pay attention to my words. Look here.. Firstly, you multiply this digit with this digit, then you get an extra ten right? Bring that one forward to the next number. Multiply the next number with this digit..........."
I wiped the apologetic expression of my face and plastered a stern look on my face,
trying to get the word, SERIOUS, written all over my face.
I did as he said and paid serious attention to his words.
However, as I listened to his voice, I couldn't help but get lost in it.
That dreamy voice.... How mesmerising it sounds...
"Vera.. Vera.. VERA!!!"
"HUH?????"
"Did you listen to what I just said?!"
"Erm... Why dont you just let me copy your work?!?!!?"
"NO!! How are you going to learn like that? Do you want to fail your exams?"
"Like you care!"
"Yes, I do care!! Now, I'm going to repeat my words one more time, listen carefully and stop day-dreaming!"
He cared whether I knew my work.
He cared about my work.
He cared about me.
Those four simple words gave me a huge shock.
Never have I imagined him to actually be concerned about me.
I looked at him, I saw his seriousness, I saw his care, I saw his concern, I saw his patience.
How could I bear to disappoint him? No.. It was something that I couldn't do.
I struggled to focus on his words and not his voice.
It was something which I tried with much difficulty,
but still, I succeeded.

Most people wouldn't have bothered to.
Most people would have given up.
Most people would have ignored me.
But, he did not.
Never had he ever given up on me, never had he ignored the help I needed.
He assisted me all the way throughout the year, in my work.
I was a slow-learner, I was a slow-writer,
I was slow in almost everything that I did.
He was ever patient,
teaching me till I could fully understand the concept behind the question.
He was ever caring,
making sure that I did my work by the correct steps.
He was ever concern,
always nagging me to write faster, work faster, do things faster.
He was ever serious,
whenever I asked him for help.
He was always there for me.

"Xavier, there's something wrong with this question lah!"
"No lah... Eh! Wait! You're right!! I can't do this question either!!"
"Why only when you can't do then the question has something wrong? Can't it be that you don't know?"
"The question has something wrong because there never is a question that I don't know how to do."
"..........."
"What?! Don't look at me that way! Come on, let's go ask Mr Wong about this question."
We rushed out of seat to get to our mathematics teacher,
eager to be the first in line to speak to the teacher.
As I was sitting on the outside, I managed to get to the teacher first.
There was a crowd of students surrounding the mathematics teacher,
I joined my classmates and began chanting his name as well,
hoping to get his attention.
"Mr Wong, Mr Wong, Mr Wong! There's something wrong with the question!"
I turned around and looked for Xavier,
he was standing behind me, a little distance away.
I turned back and faced the teacher.
"Mr Wong!!"
"Alright, alright 2D! I know there's something wrong with the question! Get back to your seat first, GO!"
The crowd started dispersing as everyone hurried to their seat.
Reluctant to simply return to our seat just like that,
we continued hogging the teacher.
"Mr Wong..."
"Didn't you hear me? Go back to your seat!"
Sensing the fiery in his tone,
terror charged through me,
I changed my mind and decided to listen to the teacher.
I had never expected Xavier to cover that distance between us,
he was always insistent on a distance between two people of different genders.
Assuming the distance was still there,
I turned around quickly, wanting to get back to my seat.
Then, my lips met his.
We stood there, for about 2 seconds before jumping apart.
Both of us blushed.
Mine a flush of pink. His a deep crimson red.
We rushed back to our seat and avoided all eye-contact.
Except for the both of us, no one else knew,
no one else saw, the class was in too much of a chaos.
It was as though the incident had never happened,
none of us ever spoke about the encounter.
But, deep in our hearts, we knew what happened.
This little incident was deeply imprinted in our minds,
never to be forgotten.

It was after the end-of-year exams,
there was no lessons to be taught, no work to be done.
It was just another relaxing day in school.
The students were bored, the teachers were bored,
we decided to play hang-man while waiting for the one-hour to be up.
It would be a match, the boys against the girls.
One gender had to think of a word, tell the teacher the chosen word,then the teacher would write the number of spacings for the number of letters of the words on the blackboard, draw each stroke of the hangman for each letter guessed wrongly, and the opposite gender would have to guessed the word before their hangman was completely drawn.

It was the boys' turn to think. Xavier thought of the word.
The girls' hangman was almost completely drawn.
The girls were desperate for an answer.
I turned to Xavier for a little clue.

"Come on Xavier.. A little clue, please...."
"Flip your Health Education Textbook."
"There's so many words.. Which one? Tell me please..."
"Its on this page, alright?"
"There's still so many words! Tell me...."
"Its somewhere in this group of words."
"Please.... Tell me...."
"Find it yourself!"
"Tell me lah.... Please Xavier..."
"Bah.. (in a whispering volume) Lettuce."
I gave him a wide smile.
"Now, you! Don't tell the other girls! No cheating!"
"I won't! Don't worry! I promise I won't!"

As I saw the teacher close to completing the hangman,
only a few strokes were left,
I started panicking.
Only I knew the answer to the hangman.
How could I bear to feign ignorance towards the answer when I clearly knew?
How could I bear to see the girls lose because of me?
So I told the answer to the other girls,
and naturally, we won.

Xavier was furious, he was mad.
He grabbed the back of my chair and tilted it forward.
I wasn't expecting it, thus,
I slid down my chair and fell to the floor,
grabbing my desk along as I hoped to get stabilisation from it.
The contents from my under-desk drawer came tumbling on top of my head,
it rained on me like a heavy hailstorm.
Without a doubt, it was painful. It hurt.
Silently, I picked myself up,
shove my things back under my desk,
pulled my chair upright, sat on it,
duck my head under my arms on the desk,
and I started crying.
Out of nowhere, a packet of tissue was stuffed under my arms.
I knew it was from him. Guilt was acting upon him.
I sat upright, grabbed the pack of tissues and threw it at him.
Duck my head under my arms again,
but this time,
I wasn't crying,
no tears came, my eyes were dry.
I was hiding, hiding from him.
I couldn't see his facial expression, I couldn't bear to.
I was the one at fault, I broke my promise.
He whispered a soft, "I'm sorry."
I sat upright and said back: "I'm sorry too."
He gave me a tiny smile, I returned him one.
We both knew, the war was over.
It came and went swiftly, never returning ever again.
Peace was once again, reinstated.

2 years passed with a blink of an eye.
We were both separated to different classes.
It was expected, seeing how different our intelligence level were.
Silently I hoped, that I could be in the same class as him.
I blamed myself for not working harder,
this consequences was to be expected, its what I deserve.
I knew that these 2 years would never be forgotten.
There were too many memorable incidents, too many unforgettable happenings,
to forget them would be a crime.
Secretly I wished, that I would have the opportunity to experience them again.

And after 2 years,
my hardwork was paid off,
my wish was granted.

-To Be Continued-

An SK Production: I Remember.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Chapter 1: My Past, My Present, My Future.




"Here here, this is your class. Sit down."

It was the registration day for primary school.
I was led away by a teacher to the basketball court,
where tens and hundreds of students sat in their classes,
one line following by another, side by side,
waiting for the orientation to begin, and to end.
All we had in mind was to rush back to our parents' side.
Everyone was a stranger to each other.
It was like walking in a forest in the middle of a deep dark night.
A frightening sight for a 6-year old.

Just then, I saw him.
I strained my eyes and stared at him.
Could I be seeing wrongly? How come that boy looks so familiar?
Have I seen him somewhere before...?
Ah.. Yes! He's from Gracefield Kindergarten too.
He's in the same class as me, he's from Donald Duck too!
Shuts.. What's his name again..?
Crap! I cant remember!

All of a sudden, he turned around to face my direction.
I got a shock and looked away quickly.
Did he recognize me? Does he remember me?
Afraid to stare at him outfront, I took sneak peeks at him.
I must have seemed like a thief. Or a real pervert.
But I couldnt help it, I wanted to know who he was.
I wanted to know his name, I wanted to know him.

My most distinct first memory of him.
The first time I truly acknowledge him, his existence.
In that sea of people,
I was made to sit with strangers, with people whom I did not know.
The mass number of people frightened me, I did not like it at all.
As I looked around, looking for parents,
I caught sight of him.
I dont know why, but seeing him brought a warm, fuzzy feeling to me.
Somehow, that sea of people didnt seem so frightening anymore.
There was someone that I knew with me.
He was with me.

We were led to our classroom,
I sat at the back of the class in the middle group,
while he sat at the front at the upper right hand group.
I was disappointed.
Why was he sitting so far? I grumbled.
I remember our form teacher, Ms Foong, talking.
Yet, I was unable to get any single word of hers into my mind.
I was busy thinking, thinking of his name.

"Guan Wei...?" Ms Foong said.
He raised his hand up. She gave him a brief nod.
That's his name?!
No what... I remember that he has an English name.
Darn.. Why cant I remember it? This is so irritating.
Why am I so dumb?
To think that I've always been boasting about my excellent memory.
And all of a sudden, his name hit me, hard.
XAVIER!
Yes, that's his name! Finally I've remembered!

The girl sitting beside me gave me an odd look,
I hurried to hide my wide smile.
Yet, it was a mission impossible to accomplish.
A series of waves charged with joy began hitting me.
It was really really hard to stop myself from smiling.
Even when I was biting my lips, trying to stop myself from smiling,
the ends of my mouth refused to listen to me and kept turning up.
After several attempts to stop myself, I gave into my happiness,
and allowed myself to smile. Widely.
What a fool I must have looked like.

After remembering his name,
I still wasnt able to stop myself. I had to talk to him.
Even if it was a brief hi, I had to say that too.
I just couldnt acknowledge him,
not knowing that someone he knew was in the same room as him.
I raised my hand up and requested to go to the washroom.
Ms Foong gave me a tiny smile and a little nod.
I stood up and headed towards the door.
I knew that I had to walk pass him on my way,
I took that opportunity and said hi to him.
He looked up at him, stared at me for a full 5 seconds before he replied back hi.
In that 5 seconds, I felt like a dumbass.
In that 5 seconds, tons of emotions rushed through me.
Happiness, fear, sadness, exasperation, desperation.
In that 5 seconds, lots of questions began appearing in my head.
Does he recognize me?
Why is he staring at me like that?
Doesnt he remember me?
Doesnt he know who I am?
Why isnt he saying anything at all?
After that 5 seconds, he made my day.

As I walked towards the toilet,
I couldnt help but kept replaying that scene in my head.
That short scene of perhaps 8 seconds,
it seemed like a full 2-hour movie to me though.
Once again, my lips defied my orders and a smile forced its way through my resistance.

That was my first direct conversation with him.
Indeed it was a simple hi, but it was more than enough to make me happy.
I wasnt confident that I would talk to him again,
but I knew that this so called "school" might not be that bad afterall.
Because he was there. With me.

-To Be Continued-

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIN HUI!!

Saturday, March 14, 2009

My third post of the day!

TODAY IS MY GIRLFRIEND, SINHUI'S BIRTHDAY!!
everyone, lets rejoice this happy occasion with her!!


we went to New York New York to celebrate her birthday!

oooo yeah...
she's a New Yorker! hahahahaa.


the two devils who gave our girlfriend the best birthday present ever! :X
JIAHER & ME!

BIRTHDAY GIRLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL.

jiaher insisted on taking a picture with her rotisserie (half spring) chicken.
oh and, she finished the whole freaking plate!!!
ate all the chicken!! *takes my hat off*




the birthday girl ordered Latino Chicken Chop!

& so did i!
honestly lah jiaher, the latino is better than your rotisserie. :B

hehehehe. the birthday girl & her birthday present,
Waffle + Chocolate Ice Cream. :D

what wildness.

what elegance. what an ironical difference.



when one of the waiters started walking around, giving out cotton candies,
jia her said: LOOK!! COTTON CANDIES!! *starts salivating!* (although she just finished half a spring chicken)
me & sin hui: please lah jia her, how old are you?!?!? you're not going to get one.
-Few minutes later-
while me and sin hui were talking,
suddenly the waiter walked over and passes jia her a cotton candy.
jia her was elated! said thank you to the waiter in a high shrilly voice.
moi turns around and asked her: how did you manage to get one? what did you do?

jiaher: i stared at the cotton candy.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!
so yes, thats how she got her cotton candy!





jiaher ate it till the whole blob of cotton candy was almost of the stick!


-talks talks talks-
suddenly me and jia her were like.. HUH?!?!!?
stares at each other and gives each other a O.O???
HAHAHAHHAHAAH. yes, we're totally nonsensical.
which is why sinhui loves us so very much! :D

hey! dont you know that you needa exercise after eating?
which was why we went to the night market for a walk after dinner!
but we ended up buying even more stuff to eat :X
especially me. Oops!!


hello my dear girlfriend,
i know you'll be reading this.
i just wanna tell you a few things.

firstly, dont kill me. PLEASE!!!
i know i'm supposed to post this out last night. but i was really too tired.
forgive me alright birthday girl? :D
considering the fact that i thought of that brilliant birthday present!! :X
(psstt... me & jiaher's birthday present was to make her fat! which explains the desert. LOL!! )

next, again i needa apologize.
i know i'm a really really bad girlfriend. i almost forgot about your birthday.
swear i wont in the future! :D
besides, didnt me and jia her said that
we're gonna make you either 18 cookies next year,
or some other wacko stuff so long as it'll make you fat? LOL!
yes, we're devils.
but too bad for you. we're your best girlfriends too.

now for the real thing.
girl, you didnt think that we'd really be that mean did you?
how could we forget to give you a birthday present?
and besides!! its your 17th birthday!!
we needa find a way to make it memorable for you.
i'm sorry that we had to make you feel really really miserable,
when you saw us discussing behind the menu,
ordering the desert together without asking you,
making it seem as though we were having it for ourselves.
but!! it's worth it, isnt it?
GOTCHA! for that huge surprise!
i doubt i'll ever forget that expression on your face. for life.
when the waiter brought the desert over,
we turned and said: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIN HUI!!
i swear to god, your eyes were really popping out!
O.O!!
that was your expression on your face.
it was really really funny.
which explained why me and jia her couldnt stop laughing.
its been a really long time since someone surprised you like that isnt it?
well, i'm glad that we could be the honoured ones.
giving you that surprise.
girl, take it easy with your workload okay?
whenever you need a break,
need someone to talk to,
need to de-stress,
need a little laughter,
just give us a call alright?
we'll always be there for you.
you cant possibly deny that we wont be able to make you happy.
you had a happy night yesterday didnt you?
you were laughing non-stop!
i mean, HOW COULD YOU NOT?!?!!?
you've got 2 jokers beside you,
who can do nothing better except to talk nonsense.
i think our facial expressions is more than enough to keep you laughing throughout the whole night.
we're your personal comedians. designed and manufactured to perfection.

how many times have someone told you, friends forever?
yes, you can be friends forever.
but how deep is your friendship?
skin-deep? or is it all the way to the core of your bone?
scenario 1:
you walk on the streets, you see a friend, you say hi!
the person waves back hello.
& then both of you walks separate ways.
scenario 2:
you walk on the streets, you see me, you say hi!
i walk over quickly, says hi,
and we end up blabbering tons of stuff in the middle of the street.
i think i'll even forget that honey is beside me just to talk to you. (oops! sorry honey!!)
finally, we break away unwillingly.
you walk away and a tiny smile plays on your mouth.
you feel all sweet and happy inside.

now tell me, which scenario would you like? (:
if you say scenario 1,
i swear to god,
me and jiaher is gonna make your birthday next year super super miserable.
by my meaning of super super miserable,
i'm referring to something like SUPER-SIZE ME!
yes, you get what i mean. SOMETHING EXTREMELY FATTENING!!
i'm threatening you indeed!
too bad!! you've got girlfriends like us!! LOL!
we're going to do whatever we can so that you'll remember us forever.
well, its not like you can forget us either.
we're deeply imprinted in your mind, aint we? teeheeeeee.

once again,
HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY GIRLFRIEND!!!

After 6 hours of sleeping....

HERE I AM BLOGGING AGAIN!


"Sorry girl but you missed out.
Well tough luck that boy's mine now!
We are more than just good friends,
This is how the story ends.

Too bad that you couldn't see,
See the man that boy could be.
There is more than meets the eye,
I see the soul that is inside.

He's just a boy, and I'm just a girl,
Can I make it anymore obvious?
We are in love, haven't you heard
How we rock each others world."


i woke up staring at the ceiling,
wondering why i was awake.
then i remembered, the weird dream/vision that i had.
i continued lying in bed for another 15 minutes,
trying to let the dream/vision sink into my head,
yet i still felt rather floaty~
an after-effect from getting too deeply engrossed in a dream.
anxious to share it with honey,
i called and woke him up. got grunts in return.
clearly, his rooster had yet to give him his morning call.
hung up and my mind was filled with honey.
an after-effect which always happens after i hear his voice.
turned my Mp3 on,
and this song (that you're hearing now if you bother to turn your speakers on) started playing.
for the first time ever,
i bothered to really listen to the lyrics.
so there i sat in bed, allowing the music to flow in through my ears,
make a whole round in my head, and there it stayed.
i finally got the lyrics,
i got the meaning,
i could feel the emotions of the song.
okay, this sounds really weird and... wrong.
but you get what i mean. right..? O.o?

hence, the explanation for my happy mood now.
i'm a lucky girl~
how many times have i told myself that and smiled like a weirdo to myself?
countless.
how many times have i tried to be all mad and fuming at him for failing to reach home at the time he promised he would be?
plenty of times.
hear his voice and i'd melt, completely hopeless within his hands. *grumbles*
nothing in this world is ever fair, isnt it?

I SURVIVED TERM ONE!

I'm a survivor! well.. going to be.

pardon me for this insane cryout but...
MARCH HOLIDAYS ARE
HEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!


i feel so much like a primary school kid.
rejoicing over holidays. an unusual adrenaline rushing through me.
beaming like mad knowing that i need not see any lecturers or tutors for a week :X
but then again,
when i stared at my diary,
i found that i've got practically nothing to do.
i've got no trainings, no camps, no remedials, nothing at all.
so this march holidays is practically gonna be a total SLACK-OUT for me.
i think.
somehow, my events tend to start popping out at the very last minute.
and i've got no intentions on having a dull holiday.
since the events, outings & fun dont come to me,
& i've got absolutely no patience to wait for them to come crawling towards me,
it'll be my duty to go search them outtttttttttttttttt! :D

speaking of boredom.
its a freaking hell 3AM now.
since its the holidays, my parents are letting me off the hook.
no more 12AM bedtime nags. for now.
even if they dont give me those naggings and lectures,
someone else is BOUND TO.
& trust me, he is so much MORE harsher than them.
anywayyyyyy, just as i'm speaking of boredom,
i've got no activities planned on for the later part of today. *grumbles*
perhaps i'll drag my feet over to my grandma's house
to pass the 2 imbeciles Eclipse from the Twilight series.
pray hard that i'm in good mood little brothers (:
& that i'm a hardworking sister. which is highly unlikely,
since laziness pretty much rules my life!

the other day when i was over at my grandma's house.
i suddenly realised that they own tons of adidas shoes.
so i went into this craze of taking photos of a collection of stuff.
(psst... actually i was bored of doing the geog. project,
finding all sorts of lame excuses to get myself to take a break. teeheeee!)

presenting to you,
THE ADIDAS COLLECTION!
















as it can clearly be seen.
i was extremely bored.
& man, its taking me ages to blog today.
i'm badly distracted doing other stuff.
from uploading more songs into my new Mp3,
to uploading more photos now.

honey refused to get away with not getting me a decent birthday present.
i've got no idea how he terms the word "decent".
so he was extremely sweet and got a new Mp3.
he's got something against my Sony Walkman, the "inferior" good.
to moi, its working perfectly fine.
hence i still term it as a "normal" good.

i think i've had one too many Economics.
either that or i'm beat up. my eyelids are real heavy.
drooping shut already.
gosh.... age does catch up with one when you're old.
the lady needs her beauty sleep now.
night people.