Challenge (Day 9)

#9: Someone you look up to

Xiaxue (Wendy Cheng)

Don't give me those scrutinizing looks. She's really fabulous.

She is THE top blogger. She gets tons of sponsorships. She earns enough to pay for her own shopping sprees. She has a husband who truly loves her and accepts her for everything that she is. She knows what she likes and what she hates. She dresses pretty well. She dares to voice her own thoughts, even if they contradict the society's and will get her a bunch of ignorant haters. She is always herself and never pretends that she is someone else (excluding the time she pretended to be Dawn Yang so as to film that mockery video). She dares to go blonde, and even better she stuck with it because she liked it, although many people chided her for it. Like seriously, what's wrong with going blonde? If the look suits you, it makes you look and feel awesome, then why not?! Oh and, this goes onto emphasise my point on how she values the word 'I' over 'You' in the correct manner.

She isn't afraid to be different. In fact, she embraces it. It is truly something to applaud for. The average person tip toes through life hoping that they make it safely to death. What is the point of wishing to be more than average, but not acting on it? Since the start of this year, I started to not only wish but to act as well. This is why even though I'm not a fan of my past, I don't exactly regret/hate it. If it wasn't for those shitty incidents, I'd never have mustered the courage to simply try putting my legs into the river and attempt crossing it. I would have instead chosen to continue staying on the safe banks of the river and walk downstream till I've found a bridge. Which is pretty stupid, because as you walk downstream, the channel gets wider and so the river becomes less shallow albeit the rate of river-flow increases. Sorry, geography. Heh!

Another reason why I look up to her is because she has gone through her own rough periods before, she braved through them, and she is now reaping the rewards for her bravery. I have a whole list of reasons why Xiaxue is the person I look up to. Some of them can be really stupid like.. 'She is a Singaporean'? (Hey! I warned you that it is stupid already!) Whereas others are generated from envy or admiration and etc.

No matter who you choose to look up to, the main reason why you chose them is because they have something in their lives which you hope to have as well.

"One should never stop wanting from life."

Challenge (Day 8)

Before I start, I think that I should probably say this. When I first started doing this thing, it was suppose to be something done for leisure and to get to know myself better. However ever since day 4 when I missed the timeline by accident, everything started going out of hand. I was out on day 5, and by the time I got home it was past 12 midnight already. On day 6, for some unknown reason why I was super lethargic and practically slept the whole day.. Oh wait, I remember! I was feeling unwell. So yes I slept alot and yeah, I missed the timeline again, even though I tried to make a rough draft using my phone via WiFi, hoping that I could finish it up the next day on my laptop. And ummm I guess the fact that I refused to turn on my laptop that day (What! I made a vow before to never get addicted to the internet! I don't want to hog onto my laptop everyday!) resulted in day 6 to not get published on time.

Now, the whole challenge thing really seems like a challenge now, because I am constantly rushing to somehow chase up to my initial schedule, yet I am insistent on perfecting every entry and dictating every word of it from the bottom of my heart. I am technically suppose to be doing day 9 now, but as you can see, I am still on day 8. Sigh I have no idea how I even let things turn out this way, nonetheless I'm gonna keep trying to catch up to my initial pace while maintaining the quality of every entry.

Back to the main point of this entry.

#8: If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?

Well.. This is one interesting question. I've often asked myself that question, and.. I always end up with that one same answer: nothing. I wouldn't deny that I don't really love my past, and if you were to ask me that question say.. a year ago, I would tell you that if I could change anything about myself, I would wanna change my past. For a young kid, I had a pretty traumatic childhood. Then when I entered my teens and thought that hey, things seem to be getting better, I got thrown with one shitty incident which pretty much scarred me so badly that till now, I'm still suffering from it on and off. Anyway, in plain simple words, I hated my past back then. I always thought that if I had a chance, I would do anything to give myself a better childhood, to retain some bits of innocence.

You know, sometimes when I look at Shiying and Sin Hui, I actually quite envy them as they still have that little bit of naivety in them. It makes me jealous. All the rough issues which I've undergone before, indeed that they toughened me up, however they also robbed me of every bit of that naivety at the same time. So yeah, I traded my innocence for maturity — advanced maturity actually. It's a rather high price to pay, but I accept it nonetheless. It has already happened and I gotta deal with it.

In a way, the whole advanced maturity thing has its own benefits. Well for one, it makes me appear friendly (in my opinion, too friendly) and approachable (too approachable you mean) because I can relate to people's issues easily and therefore they feel comfortable around me. I'm guessing that it is also part of the whole why I'm-An-ENFJ thing. You can say that I'm blessed (like how Shiying puts it) or that it is just what I'm suppose to go through. Either way, I no longer regret/hate having gone through all that shit despite how unpleasant they were, and really.. I have no intentions to repeat them again, no matter how beneficial they were.

In hindsight, if I have to change one thing about myself, then that would be realising all of these sooner. One thing always leads to another. When I took a step back and accepted this, I gained so much more. Take for example, realising and understanding all that I can be and can achieve, it was like being given a chance to do all the things which I have always wanted to do but I either did not have the guts to or that I was too caught up doing something absolutely redundant. I've been given a new life and I am not going to waste a bit of it anymore.

Whatever that I'm going to say next, you'll probably not understand unless you are one of my best friends, but hey I know that you are still gonna read this paragraph because it is of human nature to be nosy. Well, shit to that prophecy, I am going to live my life my way. I seriously need to start picking up my big yellow book again and to continue reading my buddhism book. Not to mention that my father just added another book to my reading list; the book is titled "Unlimited Power". That is going to be quite a read. Oh and, one more book — PSLE Science Revision Guide. For the first time ever, I am reading textbooks and guidebooks as though they are storybooks. How interesting is that. To think that when I was younger, I thought that textbooks and guidebooks were tree-killers and I wondered why people would even read those books unless they were forced to by their teachers. I even categorised those books as UN-readables, and the irony is that I am READING them now.

Alright I am digressing way too much. Typing gets as addictive as talking to myself. I am not psychotic, tyvm. I need to write day 9 tomorrow (or perhaps later on today). Must must must!

Challenge (Day 7)

#7: Choose lyrics and explain why you chose them.

I just can't sleep tonight, knowing that things aren't right
It's in the papers, it's on the TV, it's everywhere that I go
Children are crying, soldiers are dying, some people don't have a home

But I know there's sunshine behind that rain
I know there's good times behind that pain
Hey, can you tell me how I can make a change?

I close my eyes and I can see a brighter day
I close my eyes and pray
I close my eyes and I can see a better day
I close my eyes and pray

I lose my appetite knowing kids starve tonight
Am I a sinner, 'cause my dinner is still on my plate?
Ooh I got a vision to make a difference
And it's starting today

'Cause I know there's sunshine behind that rain
I know there's good times behind that pain
Can you tell me how I can make a change?

I close my eyes and I can see a brighter day
I close my eyes and pray
I close my eyes and I can see a better day

I close my eyes and pray for the broken-hearted
I pray for the life not started
I pray for all the ones not breathing
I pray for all the souls in need
I pray, can you give 'em one today?

I just can't sleep tonight
Can someone tell me how to make a change?

I close my eyes and I can see a brighter day
I close my eyes and pray
I close my eyes and I can see a better day
I close my eyes and I pray, I pray, I pray
I close my eyes and pray, pray

From the 11th to the 18th of June, I experienced my worst week ever. The 11th was a Saturday, it seemed like any other Saturday — I woke up grumpily at 8am, trudged to my bathroom to get ready for my classes — until I learnt that my aunt (Dad's brother's wife) had passed away early that morning, after her long battle with cancer. She left behind 2 beautiful daughters and her beloved husband. It felt odd as I tried to comprehend my mother's words that my aunt was gone. I'll admit that I wasn't very close to my aunt, albeit when I stayed at my grandparents' place for 2 years, I saw her alot as she would go over for dinner almost every night.

For the first time ever, I witnessed the fragility of life. 2 days before her death, I was there in the hospital by her bedside, watching her fight with that terrible illness. She looked so pale, so thin and so fragile. She looked so different from how she was just another 2 days back. She still had a flush of colour in her cheeks then, and was capable of speech although she spoke very softly as every word uttered out of her mouth required her to take in a big gulp of air. I saw her chest heaved up and down as she confided in my mother about how painful the therapy was and how much she was hurting. I dare not look at her. Not because I was afraid, but because I was worried that she might feel uneasy.

Have you ever wondered that when you visit a patient in a hospital who is suffering from a terminal illness, what thoughts goes through the patient's mind? Is the patient thinking: 'Oh, here comes another one. Is he/she visiting me because they are afraid that they'll not get a chance to see me again? Or is he/she truly visiting me with well wishes carried in his/her heart?' I don't know which mentality I was in when I visited my aunt. If I am forced to give an answer, then I'd say both. The rational side of me chose the former, the emotional side of me chose the latter. I tried hard to ignore the debate which went on in my head. I felt that it wasn't fair for the patient — in this instance, my aunt.

That night on the 11th, I slept at 3am as the scene of my crying cousins wouldn't stop replaying in my head. Early next morning on the 12th, at about 7am, I was dreaming happily when I heard my mother's voice. She was shrieking, at the top of her lungs. In my subconsciousness, I tuned into her conversation — she was on the phone with someone. "WHAT?! DAD IS IN TROUBLE? WHAT HAPPENED?? MOM? MOM? MOM!!!" My eyes flew opened instantly and I bolted out of my room into my parents' room where my mother was. I'll never forget her expression. It was charged with horror while panic-stricken at the same time. Without a word from her, I ran back into my room and for the first time ever in my life, I changed and was ready to go in less than 5 minutes.

My dad had to use the car that day, so we had to take a cab. As we stood by the roadside, trying to flag down a cab, my mother was so anxious that she kept rubbing her two hands together. I saw tears gathering at the bottom of her eyes. I knew her worry for her father, but I doubt I'll never understand how that worry felt like. Afterall, emotions differ for everyone. A person can only relate to another's emotions. Nonetheless, no matter how much relation there is, you can never understand how the other person feels.

I lived the next 7 days of my life between the wake, the hospital and home. All my meals were settled outside. Home was merely a place to sleep. The word 'hectic' wasn't sufficient to express how that week went by. Every day, I would wake up with no one at home albeit it was merely 9 in the morning — my family members were either at the wake or the hospital. I had never felt more weak and more helpless. Not even during that terrible break-up which I had undergone last year. I withdrew myself from everyone, my friends included. They were still there for me though, waiting patiently till I was ready to come out of my protective shell. (Love you peeps so much for it! XOXO) I didn't know what to do, I didn't know what to think or how to feel. I didn't know how to face all the emotions rumbling in me. It took awhile for me to figure out that the thing I should be doing was to flick off all emotions and thoughts, and be strong not just for my cousins or for my grandfather, but for the whole family — both sides of the family, dad's and mom's.

For that week, I prayed more than I ever have. I prayed at the wake. I prayed at the hospital as I sat beside my grandfather while he was sound asleep. I prayed for strength. I prayed for a better tomorrow. I prayed for my family. I prayed for everyone, including that old uncle in the same ward as my grandfather who snores super loudly (even louder than my grandfather!) when he sleeps.

I'm glad that that horrible week has passed. My cousins are much better now, though I know that they will never be completely fine. My grandfather has been discharged and is slowly recuperating at home.

Praying is a form of exercising The Secret. It helps to generate positive thoughts and hence it creates the universe that we want. In the past, I could never understand why people prayed, but trust me now when I say that I do. Praying isn't something silly. It's actually a very therapeutic reflective calming activity. Hmmm. I meditate and I pray. Those are things which I never thought that I would be doing. I guess the future is indeed filled with surprises huh? (:

When I heard Justin Bieber's "Pray", I fell in love with it immediately. It's my 2nd favourite song, ranked after FM Static's "Tonight". I always wished that I was capable of helping people, of saving lives. I suppose that is why I was adamant to have a career in the medical industry.

And so, I close my eyes and pray for the broken-hearted, I pray for the life not started, I pray for all the ones not breathing, I pray for all the souls in need.

One day, I'll be a somebody and I'll truly make a difference in this world.

Re-living our childhood

Yesterday night, I had sushi dinner at Sakae with Sin Hui. Our initial plan was to catch a movie after filling our bellies, however the only movie left screening at that timing was X-Men: First Class, which she had watched already. So we ended up spaming money at the arcade. I've got 48 stubs of Zone-X arcade tickets stuck in my tigger pouch because that girl refused to be hold liable for keeping it! (So much for being responsible babe!!) And 2 sets of pretty neo-prints. *happy*

It's been more than a year since I last took neo-prints. I think the last time I took was with my JC babes. What happened was that Geraldine came with us, and so with the strength of 5 people, we dragged/pushed/pulled Wan Lin into one of the machines and forced her into taking the pictures with us. Half the time, I was paying more attention at preventing Wan Lin from escaping rather than at the camera. I still have that neo-print stuck somewhere in my wallet. A picture is like immortality to me. It captures that moment and freezes it forever. It'll never change, it'll never age, it'll never die.

ANYWAY, behold. 2 young adults acting like 14 year-olds.

Booohooo! I'm trapped in a bottle by my 'evil' girlfriend!

Hey! How come my reflection looks so different?!


We are so cool. (Mint = cool, therefore we're cool.) HAHA! Get it? Omg, I'm so lame ._.

It's been so long since I've had so much fun. It was so much work taking these simple set of pictures. Well you see, we decided to take these pictures when the arcade was about to close and prepare for renovation, plus the machine shutting down on us due to some sort of accidental power failure, which in turn resulted in us having to delay the renovation by a few more moments as we had to trouble the workers there to turn the machine back on so that we could decorate our pictures AGAIN and then finally print it. Phew.

I think one day I should dig out my collection of all the neo-prints that I have taken and post them up on my blog. HAHA!

Challenge (Day 6)

#6: Your best friend(s)

(I hope Xianyao never sees this or he is gonna do more than just KILL me.)

If you don't know their names, you seriously need to re-visit my archives. They are featured on my blog almost all the time! That is precisely why, they are my best friends. They've been there for me whenever I needed them. Giving my advice, hearing out my rants, doing crazy stuff with me In fact, they even encourage me to go do them! :O

If it weren't for them, who would I be? That will be a question without an answer. Xoxo to all 3 of them.

Challenge (Day 5)

#5: The most amazing thing that ever happened to you?

Realising the benefits of singlehood.

Challenge (Day 4)

#4: If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

In a land where I will always be happy and free from all the messy affairs of the mortal world.

Then again, let's be realistic here. The only place that fits the criteria as mentioned above, would be heaven. I have no intentions to die yet — thank you very much. Hmmmm.. I guess my answer will be Perth? It doesn't really count though as I'll be moving there in the future.. So technically, I am going to live there, which makes it hardly a dream-residential?

Frankly although I do love Singapore, its fast-paced life makes it really tiring to live here. Unlike Perth which is kinda like half-city half-country, with plenty of spacious roads for me to drive on. Also, whenever I need a break, I can travel down south for a short vacation. I get to try all sorts of living styles there, ranging from farm stays and forest stays, to seaside chalets and classy hotels. I get to go dolphin swimming and rainbow trout fishing. I wouldn't deny that the food there is more pricey, however the lack of all the extra taxes that we have here in Singapore (ie. Income tax, road tax, ERP) makes up for the rise in food prices. Also, if I didn't recall wrongly, it is the food sold at the eateries which are expensive. Groceries are pretty much priced similarly. Hence home-cooked food is always the best. That is, if you know how to cook. Ha!

Anyway the chances of me ever leaving Singapore is probably.. 50-50? My darling friends are here. The food I love are all here. (I've never said that I aren't a glutton!) This is where I grew up, all my memories are here. And so is he.

You know, after much thought, I think I've only figured out my answer. If I could live anywhere in this world, I wanna live in a garden full of white roses and be a white-rose fairy!

Hahahahah just kidding! #fantasizing

Challenge (Day 3)

#3: If you could only have one wish, what would it be?

Hmm.. If I could only have one wish, which will definitely come true.. I think my wish will be to be happy.

In my opinion, there is nothing in the world which is more important than being happy. I can have all the riches and glory in the world, yet if I am an unhappy person, then those materialistic things will be redundant. I can have the love of my life, yet if I am an unhappy person, then what use will it be to have him? I can have a healthy, perfect, wonderful family, yet if I am an unhappy person, how will I know how to cherish them?

Everything in the world starts with an 'I'. Never expect anyone to make you happy. Never expect anything to make you happy. Only expect yourself to be responsible for your own happiness, then will life be worth living. I've heard, I've read, I've seen.. many dying people, at the last few moments of their life, wishing that they had been happier.

For the past 18 years of my life, I have always assumed that I was happy. Afterall, everyone knows the simple word 'happy', but how many truly understands its broad definition? I remember that there was once, when I was doing relief teaching at a certain primary school, there was this primary 1 kid, his name is Jeremy*. To his classmates, he was regarded as a retard. However on close observation, I realise that he was actually smarter than the rest. Yes, Jeremy could not write as well as the others. Yes, Jeremy was good at math, however some of his classmates were better than him. Yes, Jeremy didn't know what emotions are — he didn't know what happy felt like, he didn't know what anger felt like, he didn't know what sad felt like. His classmates laughed at him. His classmates treated him like a fool. However in Jeremy's eyes, they did not exist. He lived in his own world, he had his own thoughts, he did his own things. Others might see him as an odd kid, but to me, he was the smartest child that I've ever seen. Why you may ask? The reason is because he admitted that he didn't know what 'happy' meant.

You can give a child a toy, and he would say that he is happy. You can give a beggar some money, and he would say that he is happy. The word 'happy' is so simple, yet so complicated. To be happy, is to feel happy from nothing.

Therefore, if I could have one wish, it would be to be happy.

Challenge (Day 2)

#2: Explain your current relationship status

I am single. Wow, that wasn't so hard. Okay maybe it was, considering how I've been spending my last 24 hours thinking about how I am suppose to compose this entry. Well, for someone who has been trying really hard to avoid thinking and talking about her last disastrous relationship, or perhaps both of her fucked up past relationships, it is harder than you think. Yes I know that there are more to life than just romance and boy-girl relationships. I wouldn't deny that I was once a fool and thought of love as my heaven, as my retreat. In fact, what love used to have meant to me was just plaintively, the kind of romance that went on when two people fall in love. However, I now know that there are a whole lot of variations to the word 'love'.

I'll never forget that day in my GP class when I was still a juvenile J1, I was still attached then. What happened was that my GP teacher was going through a list of essay questions. One of the question was this.. "Write an essay about love." I remember my GP teacher ranting about how all the people who attempted this essay were narrow-minded, shallow people. She said that they were all writing about romance. They had forgotten the existence of love present in other parts of life, like in your family, to your friends, for your pets, for your hobby and etc. Love is an emotion, love is a feeling. You experience it everyday, in different forms, to different things, for different people. When I heard what she said, I felt enlightened. However I couldn't grasp it completely then because I was happily attached to a boy whom I love deeply. I never forgot about it though. It was deeply engraved into my mind.

My past 2 serious relationships have been.. bad. I do not know how else to describe it. Traumatic? Yeah, I guess that is another verb which can be used. I must admit that I'm a bitch. I say that because my first serious relationship, occurred because of a boy whom I've loved for so many years, to be precise.. since I was 6, and the boy whom I dated wasn't him... But but! I did fall in love with that other boy eventually. The way he loved me, and treated me, it moved me... To him, I was his princess. I know the question in your head right now. If he was so good to me, why did we end up breaking? Well, when the tides were low and the waves were slow, everything was jolly and well. However, when shit occurred and pressure came on, a storm was brought on and we couldn't hold. My parents objected our relationship, school was coming down hard on me, he started to change as he reacted to my parents' objection and I didn't feel like his princess anymore.. The stress level started climbing up higher and higher, till one day, I could take it no more and I could run from it no more, and so I sought for a survival route.

I'm not as heartless as I sound to be. The day when he called me, begging for my forgiveness for his change and his cold attitude during the last 2 months of our relationship, telling me to not give up on us and that he'll do his part in holding us together, he'll find a way to make amendments for not being there the past 2 months, he'll take full responsibility of our relationship from then on, he made promises that I'll never have to bear the burden of carrying our relationship alone again.. However like how I told him, it was too late. At that time, I did love him and although I put on a cold tone when I told him that things were over between us, once I hung up, I cried.. and I couldn't stop crying every night for the next few months. I knew that I had to do it, to be the mean person between the two of us, because seeing how he reacted to my parent's objection, seeing that change in his personality, seeing that streak of hurt in his eyes... It was like receiving a silent stab to my heart. Till today, his name is still a forbidden word in my household. It is worst than speaking vulgarities. So yes, go figure.

Now, as for my second relationship. This is even more heart-wrenching than the one before. Possibly because it is the most recent one, it concerns a boy whom I have ever loved the most, and also because.. this is the very boy whom I've loved since I was 6 and he touched my life in so many ways which can never be said. Well firstly I have a confession to make, umm.. I'm probably gonna be viewed as a slut once this gets out, but okay if you view upon me as a slut, you are a narrow-minded shallow inexperienced juvenile youngster who has no regards on the value of life. No, I'm not gonna take that back. Even if I sound ridiculous saying it because it really doesn't make much sense, albeit I've been reading that sentence for, say 15 times?

Anyway, all the boys whom I've ever been attracted to, will have something to do with this boy. In one way or another, I'd see reflections of him off them. Which is why I even got attracted to them in the first place. So yes, I know. I'm a slut. Nonetheless, like my first relationship, I fall in love with someone for who they are, what they are and how they are. Attraction is just.. the smell of a delicacy. You can only be sure that it is truly a delicacy, after you've taken a bite out of it and slowly savoured it in your mouth.

Now here comes the story which you've been anticipating for. I've known this boy since I was 5, we were in the same kindergarten, in the same class. Somehow, we ended up in the same primary school and in the same class, again. For 2 years, primary 1 and 2. Okay if you really really really wanna know our story (kaypo queen/king), go read this, this, this and this. Yes, we were in the same house, in the same primary 5 and 6 class. And yes, we were in the same class for 5 years altogether. I should add a point that I'm feeling rather unsteady now (emotionally), since digging up all those archives racked up quite a bit of emotions within me. I'm hoping that it'd pass soon. No worries though, I'm still gonna continue with my entry. Afterall, this is a challenge.

We met again when we were 16, at a primary 6 gathering. After loving him silently for so many years, he finally took note me that day. I'm sure that it had a little something to do with the truth-or-dare game that my ex-class had decided to play, and I was forced to admit that I had a thing for him, back in my primary school days. We started talking via msn, I'd sign in every day once I woke up and I wouldn't leave the computer until my mother threatened to confiscate the modem. Then came the text messaging, and yes like every other foolish couple who wouldn't stop texting for a single minute, the number of text messages I sent increased alarmingly, I burst my phone bills, my dad got mad and took away my phone for awhile. Next were the phone calls. I was still living with my grandparents back then, and seeing how my parents reacted to my previous relationship, I didn't want them to know about what was going on. We would pretend to be super hardworking and study till like 2AM every day, everyone in my family would have fallen asleep already, then I'd creep to get the cordless house phone and dial in his number. Omg the stupid things you'd do when you're in love. Thinking back about it, it all seems so cheesy. I look like a burglar doing all that.

We started going out on dates. I told my parents that I was going out to "study" with a friend. Well, we did study! I always brought some work along, and we'd do it for umm.. half an hour to maybe an hour, then umm.. we spend the rest of the time watching movies, having meals together, walking around shopping malls aimlessly and yeah, other couple-y stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with studying. Heh. Guilty as charged.

So.. my parents found out eventually. And they didn't stop us. One reason was because I was suffering from depression before and when he came into my life. He was the one who got me out of it. I guess my parents were really thankful towards him, because I shunned everyone away then, yet he was the only one who managed to find/worm a way through all the high walls that I had constructed. Another reason was because my parents could see how much I couldn't live without him. They knew that if they were to also take him away by force, it'd do much more than just tear me apart like my previous relationship. We were together for close 2 years. He was my bestest friend. And even till today, though he has hurt me countless of times and place little — in fact almost nothing — to the value of our friendship, I still regard him as my bestest friend.

We were so close that it felt so amazing. I never thought that such a tight bond would be possible. However one important thing which I had missed out on was.. space. I thought that since we were already in different schools, there was enough space between us. What I hadn't understood then was that this 'space' wasn't physical nor relative space, it actually meant having time for ourselves. Doing what we want, having our own fun, making our own decisions, truly respecting each other. I didn't know what all that meant in the past. I couldn't see a reason for having all of that, having space. What I thought back then was that, since things were so great because we were so close, then why bother giving each other space? We should just eliminate all space and be even closer. I thought that this was what would bring our relationship to the next level. However, this was what caused our downfall.

Being that close meant having to give a lot of commitment, so much that even for a married couple, it was considered as insane. Things started spinning out of hand. We were unhappy about each other on certain things we did, yet we kept mum because we didn't want to argue. We hated arguments. The more we kept quiet and refused to voice our thoughts, the more grudge we piled up within ourselves. One thing led to another, and before I knew it, all that I've got left is a couple of his old t-shirts in my wardrobe.

Even though I've moved house, I haven't thrown those shirts away. And no, I didn't keep them away. I shifted them into my new closet, and there they sit.. in a drawer with the rest of my daily comfy home-wear shirts. He left his white jacket with me. I didn't pack that away either. It's hung up in my closet too, alongside my other jackets. Occasionally, when my air-con gets really cold, I'd pull out that jacket to wear. It felt like I was in his embrace again. Perhaps by now, you can tell.. That I'm still fervently in love with him. Everyday I miss him. Everyday I miss us. However, I refuse to let my longing for him get me down on my life.

I remember last year, during one of our last phone calls, I was upset, I was crying, I was whining, I was being a baby.. I liberated him for picking me up then throwing me back into the ditch. I told him that he should have simply left me there to just rot and die, and he told me this: "I didn't save you back then, just so that you could ruin your own life again." It was then that I knew that the right thing and the best thing that I can ever do, was to keep moving on. I spent/wasted almost a year, grieving. On the 1st day of this year (2011), which is also New Year's Day, I made a resolution. Just so you know, I've never made a resolution before. It was my first ever. My resolution was to make 2011, mad magnificient, mad brilliant, mad awesome.

And so.. Conclusion? I am single.
Explanation? I haven't found anyone who has that capability of waking up my dormant heart.

Challenge (Day 1)

#1: Introduce yourself

If you don't know my name, what the hell are you doing here for? But okay, I'll play nice. Just for today. I'm Sophie. Last name is Leow. My primary and secondary school friends refer to me as Yusi. Both names work fine for me, I respond to both. However, if I introduce myself to you as 'Sophie', stick to it. I don't need another person who pretends that they know me when they really don't.

I like the colour 'white'. I love white roses. My favourite disney princess is Cinderella. My favourite song is FM Static's "Tonight". My favourite ice-cream flavor is Cookies and Cream. I love ice-cream from Geláre, especially with one of their thick waffles and maple syrup. It never fails to cheer me up. My favourite sweet is Sticky's watermelon rock. My favourite alcohol is Rosemount's original white wine — I have a sweet tooth. Albeit my favourite song does not come from her, my favourite artist is Taylor Swift.

I like Mont Blanc, I swore before that my future engagement ring is be from one of the many Mont Blanc jewelry collections. I like chocolates from Margaret River's. My favourite animal is white tiger. My favourite plush toy is this big Pluto that my distant-aunt gave to me when I was really young, as a birthday present. I only saw her once before, I don't even remember her face. It was the first time that anyone had ever given me a plush toy which was bigger than me (The small me back then, not the now me. Obviously that the current me is much bigger than that big Pluto.) I remember almost being squashed by that big toy when she handed it to me, and even though I had much difficulty carrying it, I wouldn't stop hugging it. All day long, I literally dragged/hugged the toy with me wherever I went. I like philosophy, although metaphysics makes me a little cranky. (Sorry, I was never a physics person and probably will never be.)

Oh yeah, one very very important thing. I like to eat. Eating is therapeutic, yet unfortunately fattening at the same time. I wish that there was a way to eat alot without ever having to feel full nor gain any weight. Then again, I change my mind. It sounds scary to eat alot and to never grow fat.. It's kinda like being a vampire. Have you ever wondered if there are any vampires who is a haemophobic? I wonder how they even eat if that's the case hmmmm. I like to sleep. In the day and in the night. However, I'm mostly nocturnal.. I did manage to adjust my bedtime back to normal during my Taiwan trip. But the one night stay-over at NUH, to look after my grandpa, killed it. So yes, I'm back to my crazy sleep cycle.

I am a Buddhist. I watch Drop Dead Diva, Vampire Diaries, Pretty Little Liars, Glee.. and oh! My favourite show, Pokémon! I have 2 blogs, 2 tumblrs. Yes, they are all still working and I do update them quite regularly. I have facebook, and twitter (Duh! Like look to your left?). I apply at least 2 hair products onto my hair every time after I shower. I hug a yellow bunny to sleep every night. I use Precious Memories tissues (Hell knows what I'm gonna do when they stop its production line, which is why I hope that they never do). I keep a diary, I'm writing on my third one now. I find painting my nails to be a very therapeutic activity. I have a memoir wall, which is basically a wall, the one which I sleep next to, that is filled with pictures of my life. There are pictures of my family, my JC class, my friends and etc. Generally just all the things which makes up my life.. Things which are important to me, people who are important to me. You get the picture.

I have big dreams. I do crazy things. People say that I'm well.. nice. I think that I'm too nice, because very often, people tend to take advantage of it. Extreme advantage, in fact. The thing which they do not know about me is that I do get mad, and when I'm mad, I can become quite the nasty bitch. Hey, you've never heard of a tamed tiger who is truly tamed have you? A tamed tiger will still growl and roar, and is very much a carnivore still, just like a wild tiger.

So yeah I guess that pretty much summed up an introduction about myself. That wasn't too hard. I always thought that these challenges were rather taxing. Then again, it's too early to say because today is only day one. I've got 14 more days to go. Let's just pray that I don't get lazy.

P.S. Oh gosh. I just took a look at day two. Oh shit. That is gonna be freaking hard. Tell me why did I do this? Oh crap.

In the month of May, 2011

May, 5th: Mr. Curry, The Central with Genevieve

I've known Genevieve since... 2007? Yet I've only met her 3 times only!!! I blame her and her busy schedule for it! But okay, I guess I have to take up some responsibility as well, for not nagging her enough. Hehe! I'm meeting her next Thursday — which makes it our 4th meeting — and I can't wait for it!! YAY!

So over Twitter, we decided to go Clarke Quay to grab some dinner and update each other on our lives (which usually means bitching and sharing gossips!) Gen said that she wants to bring me to Liang Court to try the food there, however we somehow got lost... And gave up looking for Liang Court. We ended up settling our dinner at The Central instead. I guess that is what happens when you throw 2 road dummies together without an iphone/GPS. :/

As we were walking around The Central choosing for the 'lucky' restaurant to dine in, we came across Mr. Curry. We caught whiffs of the food that it was serving, and the food smelled heavenly! Like 2 gluttons being starved for days, we rushed towards the entrance of the restaurant, then Genevieve saw the restaurant's huge mascot outside and got so excited over it!

Genevieve and her adorable fat mascot!

Mr. Curry as like its name, serves Curry.. However, they aren't serving Indian curry or Chinese curry or Green Curry. They serve Japanese curry! With different levels of spiciness to suit different customer's preference!!

Gen flipping through the menu while looking pretty

I fell in love with the setting of the restaurant once I stepped into it! It felt so home-y! Nothing better than a comfortable and relaxing atmosphere after a long day of work.. It's not a wonder why there were so many office-workers dining there!
(I assumed that they are office-workers from the looks of their formal office clothing)

We didn't have to wait long for our food — which is good for 2 hungry souls!

Appetiser: Soft Shell Crab platter

Genevieve's Prawn and Mushroom Doria

My Katsu Curry Omu-rice

After we finished our yummy meal, we wanted to sit around the restaurant for awhile more to talk and to let the food digest a little. However it was then that the silly girl realised that she had left her notebook at Sticky, where we had visited earlier on to pick up a few packets of sweets! So we rushed down quickly after paying for our meal, and thank goodness that one of the nice workers at Sticky had realised that someone had accidentally left their notebook by the counter, and so he kept it for her! (Dear uncle, although you may never get to read this, but thank you for your kindness. Someday, your kindness will pay off, that I guarantee!)

My darling Genevieve and I

Afterwards, we decided to take a little walk around Clarke Quay and we came across Riverside Point. Initially we didn't know what the place was, so we were talking about how it looked like Chinatown, just that it was more of a 'Atas Chinatown'. HAHAHAHAHA. Then we couldn't stop using the word 'Atas'. We talked about how one day, we will both get Atas boyfriends, and our Atas boyfriend will drive us to this Atas place in his Atas car, bring us into one of the Atas pubs, and buy us an Atas drink. Mad funny. LOL!

I can't wait to see her again on next Thursday!!! I have a feeling that we will be doing something insanely funny again! HAHAHAHAHA!

May, 7th: East Coast Park with JC girlfriends

Denyce had a sudden urge to go cycling, and so the clique decided to be a total sport and organise a cycling outing at ECP. I agreed only because, 1. I've never cycled at ECP before (YA I know I very sua ku! 19 years old already, haven't cycle at ECP before. BLEAH! At least now I can proudly announce to the whole wide world that I've cycled at ECP before!!!) 2. I wanted to get a sun-tan, and indeed I got one.. An over-rated one — A sun-burnt :(

For the first time ever, my skin actually peeled k!!! I didn't know that Singapore's sun so power. Aussie's sun is technically more power, yet I didn't peel when I had a sun-burnt there; so I assumed that even if I got a sun-burnt that day under the SG sun, it wouldn't matter.. But I was so darn wrong. MY SKIN PEELED!!!!! :(((

After cycling, we sat on one of the dikes to relax, while taking in the vast sea-view and cooling sea-breeze...

And I saw my chance to whip out my camera to start taking pictures! HEHE!

A happy Xin Yi

Denyce and I

Xin Yi and Wan Lin (Wan Lin was so sporty that day as to let me take so many pictures of her!!!! *happy*)

With Xin Yi and Wan Lin

Denyce and Xin Yi

Xin Yi and I

I got a nice male foreigner to take a group picture for us. (Whoever you are, THANK YOU!)

*Must express my gratitude towards these strangers in hope that it will bring about more nice people in this world. Yes I know that it is a naive thought, however visualisation is what creates the world that we live in — I hope to live in a world filled with nice people (:

May, 20th: Pizza Hut, Lot 1 with Sin Hui

I haven't met Sin Hui for almost 3 months!!! We were so busy with work, her with church, me with my social life... We had to rely so much on technology to keep in touch! Thank goodness for the internet and the invention of mobile phones. When both our work assignments ended and we were finally able to pick out a free day to meet, we decided to have lunch at Pizza Hut to try out their new menu! And omg, it's mad awesome!!! Pizza hut is now.. more than just pizza!

One of my best girlfriends, Sin Hui (:

Appetiser 1: Cheesy Mushrooms!

Appetiser 2: Cheesy Mussels

Sin Hui's Spicy Seafood Parchment (wrapped)

Hehe, I don't know why but I enjoyed watching her unwrap her pasta, maybe it was because I was secretly hoping that she'd make a mess while unwrapping. However to my utter dismay, the clean freak unwrapped it so cleanly and nicely :(

Spicy Seafood Parchment (unwrapped)

My Hut's Chicken Steak

And I'll end off this entry with a picture of me~!

I'll upload the pictures of my Taiwan trip next!!! Shitting lot of pictures, which means that it'll take a little bit more time as I need to choose which to upload and how to organise the photos. Taiwan was a total love! I wouldn't mind going there again, for the food and for shopping. The food was awesome, the shopping was fabulous. I shall not divulge too much for now, or it would spoil my next entry!


P.S. In case you failed to realise, in the first picture of the ECP part of this entry, those 'birds' aren't actually birds... They are actually kites, flown by some locals who were there relaxing. Ha!