Ally walked aimlessly around the shopping mall, with her earphones stuck in her ears, blasting her own songs. She had confidence in her disguise — no one would recognise her. When was the last time that she had experienced such freedom? Then again, why does this "freedom" feel so different now? Is this freedom or loneliness? She couldn't tell the difference between the two.
She walked past several retail outlets, walked into a couple of them but came out still with empty hands. Was it that she had lost her hobby of shopping, or that she just isn't in the mood to shop? Is there even such a thing as a 'shopping' mood? She couldn't figure out the answer. She continued walking. Then she remembered, there is an ice-cream parlor here... Ice-cream, the only other thing than music that would ease her soul. Slowly, she made her way towards it.
She reached the parlor, asked for a seat for one, walked in and went towards a silent corner of the cafe. She stared at the menu and placed an order for a Steak and Mushroom pie and an English Breakfast Tea. As she sat there waiting for her order to arrive, she wondered... Whatever happened to my initial decision to have ice-cream? She chuckled silently at her fickle mind. A waiter interrupted her thoughts.
"Excuse me Miss, but we've ran out of Steak and Mushroom Pie. Would the Classic Chicken do?"
She hesitated for awhile and then nodded her head. All she wanted was some quiet time alone. She wanted to cherish every minute of this while it still lasted. She didn't want to remember how everything will come to an end when it was time for her to revert back to her actual life.. of what laid ahead waiting for her. Yes, it is glorious but tiring as well. Nonetheless, it was a path that she had chosen herself. One which she will never regret.
Once again, the waiter interrupted her thoughts as she placed Ally's order on the circular table infront of her. The waiter gave Ally a slight smile before making her way back to the kitchen counter.
Ally ran her hands through the packets of sugar arranged in a delicate straw-weaved basket placed before her, reached for a packet of brown sugar, tore one of its corners and watched as the golden crystals glistened before they disappeared beneath the pool of amber.
Turtles
Monday, March 12, 2012I promise that I will sleep early tonight. In fact, I will go to bed right after I am done with this entry. I have been blogging excessively lately. Good for you peeps, I suppose.
I went for a wedding dinner tonight (let's just pretend that it is still the 12th of March) and on my way back from Mandarin Oriental Hotel, my dad told us a story. It goes like this:
By the way, the house was a beautiful one. Most houses could only afford concrete floors during the 20th century, however my grandfather's house had tiled floors and tiled walls. Yes, we were very well-to-do. To fully describe and explain what happened to all that money would be a lengthy tale, thus I will summarise it up into a few sentences: my grandfather is a man with a kind soul, ready to do anything for people and hence he was always taken advantage of, even by his closest kins -- his brothers.
Back to the main context of this entry, my dad's story. As my dad finished telling his tale, he gave my sister and I a piece of good advice: The nature of a human can never be changed, thus if you have been bitten once, do not be stupid enough to fall for the same trap twice. Stay away from people whom you know will never do you any good. They aren't worth knowing and definitely not worth acquainting.
In this scenario, my dad was referring to my granduncles. Yes they are that bad. They were horrible to my grandfather. They often made use of him. Out of respect for my elders, I will not use any improper words to adequately describe them. However for those who know me very well, you might probably be able to guess all the words that I would have been spouting out loud. *AHEM!*
I hate people who hurt me deliberately. If you do it once, I will take it as a non-offensive mistake made. If you do it twice, thrice and a couple more times, it is needless to point out that you are a repeat offender. One who is bound to do me no good.
Liars... they are often the sort of people who would hurt others repeatedly. They create more lies for their lies, oh and wait, there is something interesting about those newly lies created! They aren't called "lies". They have a very fancy term. Wanna guess what it is? Yeap, the word is "excuses". Omission of truth is considered as a form of lie as well. Lying is when you are not frank. People make it seem like a very complicated issue, however we all know.. it is as simple as abc. *inserts smiley face*
2 days ago, I decided to review my past entries in my private blog. The blog was created during the timing when my past relationship was in a major jeopardy. It was created to dictate my thoughts and to aid myself in retaining my sanity while dealing with all the trash that was happening. For the past nights, I would read as much as my brain could deal with. In total for the past 2 nights, I read a total of... 5 entries. Yes, it is that minimal. There were too much memorial and emotional recollection to handle. Point-to-note: I have decided to stop the reviewing. It got too painful. Remembering all those things... it felt strange. I was viewing not as someone who went through it, but rather from the eyes of a third party. I'm assuming that my brain went into defensive mode and through these past 2 years, it has adequately proven its services well by blocking those painful memories out. Thus I feel like someone who has gotten through amnesia, and reading those past entries is like jabbing a needle into my brain.
Anyway, why am I bringing this up? That is because I came across something very interesting in one of my readings... Towards the second half of my past relationship, my ex-boyfriend often left out details of his day-to-day life in our almost-daily phone conversations. I had to question those details out of him. I know what is on your mind now, I'm an annoying, bitchy, irritating, have-nothing-better-to-do-or-ask girlfriend. I am probably that. I am not going to deny it. However from the stance of a girlfriend, would you not be curious to find out what your boyfriend did today? He wasn't like that during our first year together. He would share every little details of his life. From his classmates buying a large pack of condoms from the supermarket, blowing them up and send them flying down from a few levels up as though they were balloons, to minute issues like how his mom forced him to eat his vegetables during dinner that night. Eventually, I got tired of questioning him all the time so I asked him, "Why aren't you filling me in with the details of your life anymore?" His reply? "Because I think that they are not necessary or important for you to know."
Honestly, ouch! How did I respond to that hurting answer? "Oh.. okay." *slaps palm into face* I guess I can't be blamed for my response. I wasn't expecting that sort of answer and much less prepared for it. I had never come across anything like that before (back then) and I hadn't think of googling for advices or just simply more love manuals... I was doing everything by instinct. Which is pretty dumb. Please my darlings, it is not stupid to go to your nearest bookstore and buy a love-for-dummies book or any self-improvement books. It does not mean that you are psychotic or pathetic or weird or nerdy or geeky, if you do so. Those books exist for a reason and they really do help. The more points of view, the better it is for you. It is like reading other people's experiences and absorbing them as your own. It is a much better alternative as compared to having to undergo it yourself. Besides, another benefit is that you get to gain those experiences in less than a tenth of the time taken as compared to if you were to undergo it. So be smart, for your own good!
Now enough with my nagging. It should never be that case for anyone in a relationship. Nothing should be "not necessary or important for you to know". When you love someone, you share everything with them. Not because you need to, but because you should want to. Your life no longer comprises only you when you decide to invite someone else into it. Two people are now leading your life, therefore you are required to constantly take the other party into consideration, every minor choice made should be discussed, every mediocre event that took place should be shared. Yes, a relationship is a hassle. Do you know it only now?
We live in an era where relationships have been less emphasised upon as before. I have a cousin, she had her first boyfriend when she was merely 11 years old, and the relationship didn't last for just a month or two, it went on for almost about a year. Just look at that! Some of us here have never even been in a relationship before! What is becoming of us humans now? Earlier on today, I was raging to one of you on how I find it an amazement as to how people can switch boyfriends/girlfriends so easily. Do we not have a heart anymore? Or is it that we have all become robots? What is love? How many of you know dare say that you know it? I will be the first to step out front and say that I do not know what love is.
I once said that I know what love is, and I hope for all the other girls out there in the world to be able to experience that incredible sensation. I take all of those words back. Is love just about that sensation? Have we taken that L-word too lightly? How many of us are even able to fully comprehend its dictionary-definition? Just because your heart thumps like crazy when you meet someone, the sides of your lips cannot help being pulled upwards when you see someone, your eyes become binoculars-like when that someone is within your radar, blood stops flowing to your mind when you know that someone is looking in your direction... from the deepest end of my heart, I must say this: do you know that you seem like a fool? (rolls eyes) I suppose that is a needless thing to say since in this modern era, how is it that we judge ourselves as being in love? Because we act like fools. Do you not think that the criterion isa little too unsubstantial? It is not a wonder why we have high divorce rates in our century. Perhaps some of you might say, no! We have high divorce rates because women are now literate and liberalised, we know to not put ourselves in dis-favourable conditions and much less succumb to anything less than what we rightfully deserve which is in other words -- happiness. However if you were to think back.. if we all knew what love is, what the standards are, what the criterion is, would we even come up with the term "divorce"? Then again for those to exist (ie. the understanding of love, the standards of love, the criterion of love) we would all have failed to exist as the human race would have long been extinct. As the saying goes, "Love is to constantly seek for the best but never getting it. Marriage is to settle for what seems to be good."
I can go on and on with this mental debate of mine, but it would mean that I will possibly over-exert my brain for the second consecutive night which would lead to a sleepless night full of weird dreams and sights, and that tomorrow morning I would feel as though I am given access to a greater percentage of my brain and the extra mind-power generated is more than I can possibly manage. I wouldn't want to turn into a lunatic, would I? Although it would be pretty cool if I had telekinetic powers... heehee! Just saying! Also, I would be breaking my promise to turn in early tonight (if you remember, I stated it at the start of this entry).
Because this blog has been badly deprived of any pictures for the past few months, I shall be a darling and throw in some colours this time.
So true...
I went for a wedding dinner tonight (let's just pretend that it is still the 12th of March) and on my way back from Mandarin Oriental Hotel, my dad told us a story. It goes like this:
Back in the old days, my grandfather (ie. my dad's dad) used to rear baby turtles for sales. It was still legal then. My grandfather's 2nd elder brother (whom in other words, is my granduncle) would import turtle eggs from Taiwan, pass them to my grandfather and told him to rear them. He did not give my grandfather any money to rear the eggs, so all the food and housing supplies were all paid for by my grandfather. When the eggs hatched, each baby turtle was sold for S$3 (which was a lot back then as the Singapore currency was still cheap then). My grandfather earned tens of thousands of dollars from his sales. For some unknown reason why, instead of opening a bank account of his own to store the money, my grandfather passed the money to my granduncle and told him to help store it in his bank account first. Some time passed, my grandfather decided to move house and needed money to build a house at the land that he had purchased. He went to my granduncle to retrieve his money back. Well, all of you can probably guessed what happened next: my grandfather didn't get his money back, my granduncle had spent it all. Therefore to build the house, my grandfather had to borrow money from his mother-in-law.
By the way, the house was a beautiful one. Most houses could only afford concrete floors during the 20th century, however my grandfather's house had tiled floors and tiled walls. Yes, we were very well-to-do. To fully describe and explain what happened to all that money would be a lengthy tale, thus I will summarise it up into a few sentences: my grandfather is a man with a kind soul, ready to do anything for people and hence he was always taken advantage of, even by his closest kins -- his brothers.
Back to the main context of this entry, my dad's story. As my dad finished telling his tale, he gave my sister and I a piece of good advice: The nature of a human can never be changed, thus if you have been bitten once, do not be stupid enough to fall for the same trap twice. Stay away from people whom you know will never do you any good. They aren't worth knowing and definitely not worth acquainting.
In this scenario, my dad was referring to my granduncles. Yes they are that bad. They were horrible to my grandfather. They often made use of him. Out of respect for my elders, I will not use any improper words to adequately describe them. However for those who know me very well, you might probably be able to guess all the words that I would have been spouting out loud. *AHEM!*
I hate people who hurt me deliberately. If you do it once, I will take it as a non-offensive mistake made. If you do it twice, thrice and a couple more times, it is needless to point out that you are a repeat offender. One who is bound to do me no good.
Liars... they are often the sort of people who would hurt others repeatedly. They create more lies for their lies, oh and wait, there is something interesting about those newly lies created! They aren't called "lies". They have a very fancy term. Wanna guess what it is? Yeap, the word is "excuses". Omission of truth is considered as a form of lie as well. Lying is when you are not frank. People make it seem like a very complicated issue, however we all know.. it is as simple as abc. *inserts smiley face*
2 days ago, I decided to review my past entries in my private blog. The blog was created during the timing when my past relationship was in a major jeopardy. It was created to dictate my thoughts and to aid myself in retaining my sanity while dealing with all the trash that was happening. For the past nights, I would read as much as my brain could deal with. In total for the past 2 nights, I read a total of... 5 entries. Yes, it is that minimal. There were too much memorial and emotional recollection to handle. Point-to-note: I have decided to stop the reviewing. It got too painful. Remembering all those things... it felt strange. I was viewing not as someone who went through it, but rather from the eyes of a third party. I'm assuming that my brain went into defensive mode and through these past 2 years, it has adequately proven its services well by blocking those painful memories out. Thus I feel like someone who has gotten through amnesia, and reading those past entries is like jabbing a needle into my brain.
Anyway, why am I bringing this up? That is because I came across something very interesting in one of my readings... Towards the second half of my past relationship, my ex-boyfriend often left out details of his day-to-day life in our almost-daily phone conversations. I had to question those details out of him. I know what is on your mind now, I'm an annoying, bitchy, irritating, have-nothing-better-to-do-or-ask girlfriend. I am probably that. I am not going to deny it. However from the stance of a girlfriend, would you not be curious to find out what your boyfriend did today? He wasn't like that during our first year together. He would share every little details of his life. From his classmates buying a large pack of condoms from the supermarket, blowing them up and send them flying down from a few levels up as though they were balloons, to minute issues like how his mom forced him to eat his vegetables during dinner that night. Eventually, I got tired of questioning him all the time so I asked him, "Why aren't you filling me in with the details of your life anymore?" His reply? "Because I think that they are not necessary or important for you to know."
Honestly, ouch! How did I respond to that hurting answer? "Oh.. okay." *slaps palm into face* I guess I can't be blamed for my response. I wasn't expecting that sort of answer and much less prepared for it. I had never come across anything like that before (back then) and I hadn't think of googling for advices or just simply more love manuals... I was doing everything by instinct. Which is pretty dumb. Please my darlings, it is not stupid to go to your nearest bookstore and buy a love-for-dummies book or any self-improvement books. It does not mean that you are psychotic or pathetic or weird or nerdy or geeky, if you do so. Those books exist for a reason and they really do help. The more points of view, the better it is for you. It is like reading other people's experiences and absorbing them as your own. It is a much better alternative as compared to having to undergo it yourself. Besides, another benefit is that you get to gain those experiences in less than a tenth of the time taken as compared to if you were to undergo it. So be smart, for your own good!
Now enough with my nagging. It should never be that case for anyone in a relationship. Nothing should be "not necessary or important for you to know". When you love someone, you share everything with them. Not because you need to, but because you should want to. Your life no longer comprises only you when you decide to invite someone else into it. Two people are now leading your life, therefore you are required to constantly take the other party into consideration, every minor choice made should be discussed, every mediocre event that took place should be shared. Yes, a relationship is a hassle. Do you know it only now?
We live in an era where relationships have been less emphasised upon as before. I have a cousin, she had her first boyfriend when she was merely 11 years old, and the relationship didn't last for just a month or two, it went on for almost about a year. Just look at that! Some of us here have never even been in a relationship before! What is becoming of us humans now? Earlier on today, I was raging to one of you on how I find it an amazement as to how people can switch boyfriends/girlfriends so easily. Do we not have a heart anymore? Or is it that we have all become robots? What is love? How many of you know dare say that you know it? I will be the first to step out front and say that I do not know what love is.
I once said that I know what love is, and I hope for all the other girls out there in the world to be able to experience that incredible sensation. I take all of those words back. Is love just about that sensation? Have we taken that L-word too lightly? How many of us are even able to fully comprehend its dictionary-definition? Just because your heart thumps like crazy when you meet someone, the sides of your lips cannot help being pulled upwards when you see someone, your eyes become binoculars-like when that someone is within your radar, blood stops flowing to your mind when you know that someone is looking in your direction... from the deepest end of my heart, I must say this: do you know that you seem like a fool? (rolls eyes) I suppose that is a needless thing to say since in this modern era, how is it that we judge ourselves as being in love? Because we act like fools. Do you not think that the criterion is
I can go on and on with this mental debate of mine, but it would mean that I will possibly over-exert my brain for the second consecutive night which would lead to a sleepless night full of weird dreams and sights, and that tomorrow morning I would feel as though I am given access to a greater percentage of my brain and the extra mind-power generated is more than I can possibly manage. I wouldn't want to turn into a lunatic, would I? Although it would be pretty cool if I had telekinetic powers... heehee! Just saying! Also, I would be breaking my promise to turn in early tonight (if you remember, I stated it at the start of this entry).
Because this blog has been badly deprived of any pictures for the past few months, I shall be a darling and throw in some colours this time.
So true...
黄昏
Saturday, March 10, 2012I think I finally understand why I can sing 周传雄's "黄昏" so flawlessly.. It was so brilliant yesterday night that everyone clapped. I received so many compliments, so many appraisals.. It was the last song to be sung, and I made the excellence mark required from a last song. As I packed up my things, I could hear that everyone was still humming the tune or singing the song softly. I had successfully inserted the song into their heads, that is my sign of success. Or perhaps the sign of success for every artist. You don't know why, but a song just keeps going on and on in your head. You like it, that is the reason why. Anyway I'm digressing. Too engrossed in reminiscing that moment. 我和他之间的感情.. 就如黄昏一般。
Destroyed.. that's what it is. Unfortunately for me, I can't seem to forget it nor you. No, I haven't relapsed. I'm just upset. If you know how I'm feeling right now, then you would understand how much that feeling sucks. I'll be better when I wake up after a good sleep. At least now I understand why I can sing this song so well... there is always a reason to everything. You've just got to source that reason out.
So now that I've finally uncovered this clue, what's next?
过 完 整 个 夏 天
guò wán zhěng gè xià tiān
After the whole summer,
忧 伤 并 没 有 好 一 些
yōu shāng bìng méi yǒu hǎo yī xiē
my sadness still did not improve.
开 车 行 驶 在 公 路 无 际 无 边
kāi chē xíng shǐ zài gōng lù wú jì wú biān
Driving my car on the vast, boundless roads,
有 离 开 自 己 的 感 觉
yǒu lí kāi zì jǐ de gǎn jué
I feel that I’m getting out of touch with myself.
唱 不 完 一 首 歌
chàng bù wán yī shǒu gē
The song that I could not finish singing,
疲 倦 还 剩 下 黑 眼 圈
pí juàn huán shèng xià hēi yǎn quān
Left me so tired that there are rings around my eyes.
感 情 的 世 界 伤 害 在 所 难 免
gǎn qíng de shì jiè shāng hài zài suǒ nán miǎn
It is inevitable to get hurt in the realm of love,
黄 昏 再 美 终 要 黑 夜
huáng hūn zài měi zhōng yào hēi yè
No matter how beautiful the dusk is, the dark night must follow.
依 然 记 得 从 你 口 中 说 出 再 现 坚 决 如 铁
yī rán jì de cóng nǐ kǒu zhōng shuō chū zài xiàn jiān jué rú tiě
I recall that you said, “Goodbye” with a tone of steel,
昏 暗 中 有 种 烈 日 灼 身 的 错 觉
hūn àn zhōng yǒu zhòng liè rì zhuó shēn de cuò jué
I had a delusion of being burnt by the sun in the darkening dusk.
黄 昏 的 地 平 线
huáng hūn de dì píng xiàn
The horizon at dusk,
划 出 一 句 离 别
huá chū yī jù lí bié
Drew out your line of, “Farewell.”
爱 情 进 入 永 夜
ài qíng jìn rù yǒng yè
Love plunges into eternal night.
依 然 记 得 从 你 眼 中 滑 落 的 泪 伤 心 欲 绝
yī rán jì de cóng nǐ yǎn zhōng huá luò de lèi shāng xīn yù jué
I still remember the tears falling from your desolated eyes.
混 乱 中 有 种 热 泪 烧 伤 的 错 觉
hùn luàn zhōng yǒu zhòng rè lèi shāo shāng de cuò jué
In the confusion, there is an illusion of being burnt by the hot tears.
黄 昏 的 地 平 线
huáng hūn de dì píng xiàn
The horizon at dusk,
割 断 幸 福 喜 悦
gē duàn xìng fú xǐ yuè
Severed happiness and joy.
相 爱 已 经 幻 灭
xiāng ài yǐ jīng huàn miè
Love has already been destroyed.
Destroyed.. that's what it is. Unfortunately for me, I can't seem to forget it nor you. No, I haven't relapsed. I'm just upset. If you know how I'm feeling right now, then you would understand how much that feeling sucks. I'll be better when I wake up after a good sleep. At least now I understand why I can sing this song so well... there is always a reason to everything. You've just got to source that reason out.
So now that I've finally uncovered this clue, what's next?
My dream
Wednesday, February 29, 2012It's currently 00:11, I turned in early tonight/last night. Anyway, yeah I had a dream, which was kinda freaky because it seemed a little like inception. If it wasn't for the fact that I knew that what we dream of mostly comes from what we think about in the daytime or before we sleep, I would have honestly thought that they were events that would be coming true in the future.
Firstly, I guess I can finally truly say that my heart has healed. It no longer feels.. broken, shattered nor torn. It finally feels like a whole again. I'm glad that it has finally gotten better. I swear that I'm gonna be smart and wise this time round and protect it properly!!! Heart, 사랑해요!!! *Muacks muacks muacks!*
Secondly, my inception-like dream. I seriously had a dream in a dream in a dream k!!! I was like "woah!" when I woke up due to my daily 00:00 alarm and thought back about what I was dreaming of. This is what happened: I was in my second dream (I think) and I was thinking about my third dream and another dream that I had in the past. I dreamt that I had somehow gotten Gwen's Blackberry (note: I think she uses an iPhone la!!! Don't even know why I fell for that dream! Must be because I was too deep in my dreams.. Usually if it was my first dream, I would have a better grasp of my senses and logic and pull out of the dream instantaneously) and it had her pictures taken with 6H and with him. I was cursing through my teeth and making pfft-ing noises with my tongue, as I deleted her photos and tried to insert apps which I liked, he came into my mind. (second note: the blackberry that I held in my hands in my dream had a metal dashboard and it's damn stupid because I know that blackberry doesn't use metal for it and, I COULD EVEN SEE THAT IT WAS SILVER!!!! I swear I'm damn stupid!) Then thought about my upcoming future of being a superstar, then I was suddenly striked by the thought of how he had called and texted me last time, saying how he still loved me and has intentions to be with me again if possible.. Then I got stumped. (note: Everything that he has supposedly done ie. the calling/texting/ILU, is being dreamt up by me. They aren't real. Yes I know my dreams are insane. Which is why I said that my mind is awesome, it can recall past dreams while I'm dreaming. Wow.) What was I going to do about him? How can I leave him? What about him? As I pondered about that in my dream, I heard the sound of a harp in the distance, I recognised it as my daily 00:00 alarm and pulled out of all my dreams immediately... and yeah. I woke up.
What I'm trying to say here is: If my interpretation of my heart, my thoughts and my dreams are correct, I think I've finally forgiven him for what he has did. 2 years ago, I told him that I have already forgiven him when I actually hadn't, I mean how could anyone forgive their boyfriend/girlfriend for cheating on them so quickly! To have done such an incorrigible and immoral thing, is already an outrageous act! I did that because 1) I didn't want to lose him. 2) I couldn't find a hint of anger... Not that it wasn't there, it was there but not in the form of fury but rather anguish. I couldn't recognise that sort of anger so I misinterpreted it as not being mad and not hating him. Yes, I hated him, thoroughly. But I don't anymore. After such a long time, the hatred I had for him melted a little and all that I think of were the good times with him.
This reminds me of a song that I heard in the korean drama series "Dream High".
I have been blocking him out of my mind, controlling my thoughts precariously as I know the logic 'thoughts become things'. What I hadn't know was, albeit I was forcing myself to not think about him consciously, I was thinking about him subconsciously. I hadn't realise that till tonight, when this happened. I started thinking back, why am I dreaming about him? I didn't think about him before I slept and I definitely didn't think about him in the daytime... or did I?
As sensibility started creeping in, I began reproaching myself for having been so silly and frankly, I wondered why was I so surprisingly ready to murder my own heart again after it had at long last healed? I don't think I would want to answer that question.
Fret not, I haven't relapsed (seriously, what a word?!) and am well aware that dreams are dreams. I wouldn't go back on my word as my passion stands in the way. As like what I told one of you, I had often wondered why is it that I had to spend a decade of my life on him, and it was until recently that I had acquired the answer. A person who hasn't loved before cannot sing.
In hindsight, I'm just very glad that my heart has finally healed and I have forgiven him. That's all. (:
Firstly, I guess I can finally truly say that my heart has healed. It no longer feels.. broken, shattered nor torn. It finally feels like a whole again. I'm glad that it has finally gotten better. I swear that I'm gonna be smart and wise this time round and protect it properly!!! Heart, 사랑해요!!! *Muacks muacks muacks!*
Secondly, my inception-like dream. I seriously had a dream in a dream in a dream k!!! I was like "woah!" when I woke up due to my daily 00:00 alarm and thought back about what I was dreaming of. This is what happened: I was in my second dream (I think) and I was thinking about my third dream and another dream that I had in the past. I dreamt that I had somehow gotten Gwen's Blackberry (note: I think she uses an iPhone la!!! Don't even know why I fell for that dream! Must be because I was too deep in my dreams.. Usually if it was my first dream, I would have a better grasp of my senses and logic and pull out of the dream instantaneously) and it had her pictures taken with 6H and with him. I was cursing through my teeth and making pfft-ing noises with my tongue, as I deleted her photos and tried to insert apps which I liked, he came into my mind. (second note: the blackberry that I held in my hands in my dream had a metal dashboard and it's damn stupid because I know that blackberry doesn't use metal for it and, I COULD EVEN SEE THAT IT WAS SILVER!!!! I swear I'm damn stupid!) Then thought about my upcoming future of being a superstar, then I was suddenly striked by the thought of how he had called and texted me last time, saying how he still loved me and has intentions to be with me again if possible.. Then I got stumped. (note: Everything that he has supposedly done ie. the calling/texting/ILU, is being dreamt up by me. They aren't real. Yes I know my dreams are insane. Which is why I said that my mind is awesome, it can recall past dreams while I'm dreaming. Wow.) What was I going to do about him? How can I leave him? What about him? As I pondered about that in my dream, I heard the sound of a harp in the distance, I recognised it as my daily 00:00 alarm and pulled out of all my dreams immediately... and yeah. I woke up.
What I'm trying to say here is: If my interpretation of my heart, my thoughts and my dreams are correct, I think I've finally forgiven him for what he has did. 2 years ago, I told him that I have already forgiven him when I actually hadn't, I mean how could anyone forgive their boyfriend/girlfriend for cheating on them so quickly! To have done such an incorrigible and immoral thing, is already an outrageous act! I did that because 1) I didn't want to lose him. 2) I couldn't find a hint of anger... Not that it wasn't there, it was there but not in the form of fury but rather anguish. I couldn't recognise that sort of anger so I misinterpreted it as not being mad and not hating him. Yes, I hated him, thoroughly. But I don't anymore. After such a long time, the hatred I had for him melted a little and all that I think of were the good times with him.
This reminds me of a song that I heard in the korean drama series "Dream High".
Taecyeon & Nichkhun (2PM) feat. JYP: My Valentine
한국어 (Hangul)
Honey you’re my Valentine
언제까지나 너는 나의 사랑
Honey you’re my Valentine
너는 날 떠났지만 그래도 내 사랑
이제는 널 생각해도 아프지가 않아
너를 미워했던 감정들이 조금씩 녹아
좋았었던 기억들만 다시 생각이 나
더 이상 니가 밉지 않아
(함께 했던 시간들이) 너무나 꿈같아)
(다시는 오지 않겠지) 니가 아니면
난 몰랐을거야. 정말 몰랐을거야.
그래서 너에게 고마워
Honey you’re my Valentine
언제까지나 너는 나의 사랑
Honey you’re my Valentine
너는 날 떠났지만 그래도 내 사랑
니가 첨 떠났을 때 정말 너무 아팠어
너무 아파 니가 미웠지만
시간이 갈수록 상처는 아물고 추억들은 커져
조금씩 미소를 찾게 됐어, Oh Yeah
(함께 했던 시간들이) 이제는 소중해
(다시는 오지 않겠지) 너 때문에
나는 느껴본거야 사랑이 무언지
그래서 너에게 고마워
Honey you’re my Valentine
언제까지나 너는 나의 사랑
Honey you’re my Valentine
너는 날 떠났지만 그래도 내 사랑
울며 널 붙잡는 나를 버리고 떠났던 니 모습
멀어져 가던 뒷모습
바라보면서 과연 습관처럼 베어버린 널 지울 수 있을까
난 언젠가 너를 떠올려도 웃을 수 있을까,
그땐 자신이 없었어, 니가 너무나 미웠어.
하지만 시간이 지나니 생각이 조금씩 바꼈어.
이제 미소를 지으면서
I’m thinkin’ about you all the time
and I realized that you will always be my valentine
Honey you’re my Valentine
언제까지나 너는 나의 사랑
Honey you’re my Valentine
너는 날 떠났지만 그래도 내 사랑
Honey you’re my Valentine
언제까지나 너는 나의 사랑
Honey you’re my Valentine
너는 날 떠났지만 그래도 내 사랑
English
Honey you are my valentine
You’re my love forever
Honey you are my valentine
You’re still my love even if you’ve left me
It doesn’t hurt anymore when I think of you
The hatred towards you melted a little bit
I think only about nice memories
I don’t hate you anymore
The time we’ve spent together feels like a dream
They’re not coming back, right?
If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t know, I really wouldn’t know
So thank you
Honey you are my valentine
You’re my love forever
Honey you are my valentine
You’re still my love even if you’ve left me
I was really hurt when you left me
I was hurt, and I hated you, but as the time goes by
The wound heals and the memories grow bigger
And I’m able to smile again
The time we’ve spent together
It won’t come back in the same precious way, right?
Because of you I was able to feel what love is
So I thank you
Honey you are my valentine
You’re my love forever
Honey you are my valentine
You’re still my love even if you’ve left me
I cried trying to stop you,
watching you leave me
You were like a habit,
like a painful cut,
will I be able to erase you?
Will I be able to smile again when I see you?
Back then I wasn’t confident enough
I hate you, but as the time went by my thoughts have changed
I’m thinkin’ about you all the time
I realized that you’ll always be my valentine
Honey you are my valentine
You’re my love forever
Honey you are my valentine
You're still my love even if you've left me
I have been blocking him out of my mind, controlling my thoughts precariously as I know the logic 'thoughts become things'. What I hadn't know was, albeit I was forcing myself to not think about him consciously, I was thinking about him subconsciously. I hadn't realise that till tonight, when this happened. I started thinking back, why am I dreaming about him? I didn't think about him before I slept and I definitely didn't think about him in the daytime... or did I?
As sensibility started creeping in, I began reproaching myself for having been so silly and frankly, I wondered why was I so surprisingly ready to murder my own heart again after it had at long last healed? I don't think I would want to answer that question.
Fret not, I haven't relapsed (seriously, what a word?!) and am well aware that dreams are dreams. I wouldn't go back on my word as my passion stands in the way. As like what I told one of you, I had often wondered why is it that I had to spend a decade of my life on him, and it was until recently that I had acquired the answer. A person who hasn't loved before cannot sing.
In hindsight, I'm just very glad that my heart has finally healed and I have forgiven him. That's all. (:
I should be asleep..
Saturday, February 18, 2012Today is one of those rare days when I actually turn my laptop on to do something other than watching videos. Oh and you might have noticed, I finally made the effort to switch my blog template. I still need Bestie's help to tweak it a little because I honestly suck at HTML and I did most of it with just pure luck. It is insanely floral-patterned but I suppose it makes a good change as compared to my usual white-only theme.
I'm messing up my plans badly and neither have I been keeping to my 2012 resolution. It feel as though... something is missing. Change is missing.
And it is far time that I do something about it.
It is currently 3.32AM and I am about to set my life back on its tracks.
There I was looking through my Facebook news feed earlier on -- anyone who knows me well enough knows that I get a repulsive feeling when it comes to Facebook thus I hardly spend more time than necessary on that website. I looked through a couple of my friends' pages and wow.. while I have been isolating myself from the rest of the world, the world has certainly changed a lot. I recall some of the comments that I mumbled/snickered as I scrolled down the page with earnest curiosity: "Wow! They are still together?!", "Ha! No wonder she hasn't been replying my text messages! New boyfriend..", "Seriously?! Married?!! Since when?!", "Mmm? New boyfriend/girlfriend? Again?", "Aww.. So sweet! So adorable!", "Eew!!! Total mismatch!"... How long has it been since I last exposed myself to the idea of being tied down by matters of the heart? A very long time...
Once bitten, twice shy. My obstinate decision to avoid dealing with any possible messy dramas has nothing to do with the bet that I have with Sin Hui, since I (and her too, which is probably why she so daringly dared me to have that bet with her!) know that if I set my mind to something, I wouldn't care about anything else. I would do anything to make it work now, and for the rest of my life. That is how I am. Hence when it gets screwed up, not because I didn't put any effort to it but rather due to other factors, I get totally fucked up and torn apart. I'll scream and cry till the world goes down. That's a metaphor by the way.
For the past 1 year, I have been strictly following my brain. I have up to 6 notes in my phone, filled with inspirational quotes, constantly reminding me to never look back, to be strong, to not fall in love. They remind me of what I went through, what I should fear, what I have to do, why I am alone now. I worked hard to fully live a life of a 19 years old, afterall everyone only gets one shot at life. You either do it, or you miss it. My life was stagnant for 2 years, I hardly grew (mentally) at all when I was dating him. To be frank, I switched off my brain and couldn't be more stupid. Sin Hui was at my place last Friday and we had a heart-to-heart talk, I mentioned to her about that point and she said: "Yeah. Glad you finally noticed it. Back then, I thought I almost lost you there." I now see the importance of finding someone whom I can grow with, and it can't be any more obvious, he isn't that someone.
And no, I'm not smitten about him anymore. I'm just saying it.
I will be 20 years old this year and unfortunately, I don't feel like a 20-year old kid at the moment. I still feel 19. Well technically there isn't anything wrong with that since I officially turned 19 just a couple of months ago, but yeah... mismatch! I need change. Like a huge one. I can't afford to wait all the way till April when school starts for me again. That would be too long and too far away. I need one now. Obviously getting more polishes aren't gonna help, but yes I'm still getting all the ones on my wishlist! And neither is shopping for more clothes nor a movie/drama marathon. I need something.. physical. Hee!
YUP! I'M UP TO SOMETHING AGAIN! ^_^
I was told:
I know what I should be doing.. But if only it was as easy as it seems. Sometimes I wish that I don't think so much and view life through a simpler set of eyes. There is so much to take into consideration, so much to calculate, so much to ponder over. Then again, if everything was that simple to me, then I wouldn't be asking for the best.
I'll go with the flow. What comes will eventually arrive, what goes can never be retained. Too much thinking for tonight, especially at this time of the night. I have work tomorrow, I have yet to mark one of the kid's work, I have got food for thought.
P.S. I need a break and I want some time for myself. (Just saying)
I'm messing up my plans badly and neither have I been keeping to my 2012 resolution. It feel as though... something is missing. Change is missing.
And it is far time that I do something about it.
It is currently 3.32AM and I am about to set my life back on its tracks.
There I was looking through my Facebook news feed earlier on -- anyone who knows me well enough knows that I get a repulsive feeling when it comes to Facebook thus I hardly spend more time than necessary on that website. I looked through a couple of my friends' pages and wow.. while I have been isolating myself from the rest of the world, the world has certainly changed a lot. I recall some of the comments that I mumbled/snickered as I scrolled down the page with earnest curiosity: "Wow! They are still together?!", "Ha! No wonder she hasn't been replying my text messages! New boyfriend..", "Seriously?! Married?!! Since when?!", "Mmm? New boyfriend/girlfriend? Again?", "Aww.. So sweet! So adorable!", "Eew!!! Total mismatch!"... How long has it been since I last exposed myself to the idea of being tied down by matters of the heart? A very long time...
Once bitten, twice shy. My obstinate decision to avoid dealing with any possible messy dramas has nothing to do with the bet that I have with Sin Hui, since I (and her too, which is probably why she so daringly dared me to have that bet with her!) know that if I set my mind to something, I wouldn't care about anything else. I would do anything to make it work now, and for the rest of my life. That is how I am. Hence when it gets screwed up, not because I didn't put any effort to it but rather due to other factors, I get totally fucked up and torn apart. I'll scream and cry till the world goes down. That's a metaphor by the way.
"Always remember in order to be strong, you have to do the things that your heart doesn't want you to do but your brain tells you!"
For the past 1 year, I have been strictly following my brain. I have up to 6 notes in my phone, filled with inspirational quotes, constantly reminding me to never look back, to be strong, to not fall in love. They remind me of what I went through, what I should fear, what I have to do, why I am alone now. I worked hard to fully live a life of a 19 years old, afterall everyone only gets one shot at life. You either do it, or you miss it. My life was stagnant for 2 years, I hardly grew (mentally) at all when I was dating him. To be frank, I switched off my brain and couldn't be more stupid. Sin Hui was at my place last Friday and we had a heart-to-heart talk, I mentioned to her about that point and she said: "Yeah. Glad you finally noticed it. Back then, I thought I almost lost you there." I now see the importance of finding someone whom I can grow with, and it can't be any more obvious, he isn't that someone.
And no, I'm not smitten about him anymore. I'm just saying it.
I will be 20 years old this year and unfortunately, I don't feel like a 20-year old kid at the moment. I still feel 19. Well technically there isn't anything wrong with that since I officially turned 19 just a couple of months ago, but yeah... mismatch! I need change. Like a huge one. I can't afford to wait all the way till April when school starts for me again. That would be too long and too far away. I need one now. Obviously getting more polishes aren't gonna help, but yes I'm still getting all the ones on my wishlist! And neither is shopping for more clothes nor a movie/drama marathon. I need something.. physical. Hee!
YUP! I'M UP TO SOMETHING AGAIN! ^_^
I was told:
"When you're afraid to do something, chances are, it's exactly the thing you should be doing."
I know what I should be doing.. But if only it was as easy as it seems. Sometimes I wish that I don't think so much and view life through a simpler set of eyes. There is so much to take into consideration, so much to calculate, so much to ponder over. Then again, if everything was that simple to me, then I wouldn't be asking for the best.
"To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often."
I'll go with the flow. What comes will eventually arrive, what goes can never be retained. Too much thinking for tonight, especially at this time of the night. I have work tomorrow, I have yet to mark one of the kid's work, I have got food for thought.
P.S. I need a break and I want some time for myself. (Just saying)
Like vs. Love
Wednesday, February 8, 2012I want to stick a disclaimer to the beginning of this piece: I am not an expert on the subject of love or relationships.
I am just a normal young woman, like many of you, who still hasn’t found her true love. I have had my share of bad boys, nice boys, middling boys…and just boys. I have dated, had relationships, broken up, been broken up with, been mucked around and mucked someone around as much as the next girl.
The difference between like and love is a murky one. It’s like asking someone if their cup of tea is sweet enough. How do you know it’s sweet enough? Who defines sweet ‘enough’? What is ‘sweet’ and what’s not anyway? As you can see, there’s a whole other philosophical network of questions that springs up when one asks a question like this.
How do you know whether you love someone or just really, really like them?
The word ‘love’ is bantered around so much nowadays. There are the shallow ‘sweety-darling’ crowds who say they absolutely love everything, there are girls and guys who fall in love at the drop of a hat – often with an attractive stranger they met on the bus only to find out three months down the road that he/she is a stripper/Hyde & Jekyll/porn star or just plain weird.
People who fall in love at first sight might show the most passion of any couple you see on the street, but they are also the ones forming the high divorce rates we see nowadays.
On the other extreme, there are those who don’t believe in love. They’re the sciencey crowds who claim that love is a load of gibberish and that it’s all pheromones working in overdrive. They analyse everything to death and come to the conclusion that love is a mutually agreed upon illusion.
So with all these contradictory theories floating around, how does a girl know she’s found ‘True Love’? Does it even exist? I don’t know about you but if it does, I’m personally kinda wishing some of that fairy dust will blow in my direction.
So I decided to ask the longest-lasting couple I know: my parents.
“Dad”, I said over the phone. “What’s love?” This surprised my father to no end – I have a very good relationship with my father, but he’s a bloke. We skip around the subject of emotions except when he chokes back a manful tear or two at important occasions.
After spluttering for a few minutes, he told me calmly that to him, love is a choice. “You have to make a decision every day of your life to stay with that person, through good or bad, even if you don’t feel like you love them anymore…because you’re not always going to. Sometimes, you won’t even like them…but for me, it was worth it”.
It was then that the light came on, I realised he was right. The difference between love and like, to me, is this: Love is a commitment that you make. Like isn’t secondary to love, in fact, like is essential to love.
You like hanging out with someone, spending time with them, you like what they wear, how they do their hair, the little wrinkle they get between their eyes when they’re mad, or they way they curl their lip when trying not to laugh. But like can be fickle. It is based on mere feelings, and no real intention. It’s easy to say goodbye to someone you simply like – because you believe there are others out there just like or better than them.
Herein lies the difference between like and love.
Love is choosing to be with someone – as one wise friend said, forsaking all others. Love is seeing someone for who they are, baggage, bad hair and all, and still being able to look them in the eye and say: “I love you”. Love is acceptance, understanding, patience, friendship, endurance…all those things that sound so boring when you’re 18 and horny but that suddenly becomes so important when you come ‘of age’.
How do you know whether you love someone or just really like them? Ask yourself this – if they were involved in a terrible car accident tomorrow and became crippled, would you stay with them? If your answer is a sincere yes from the heart, then congratulations, you’re in love.
If it’s no, then you’re not…and that’s ok too – you might just need more time. I will tell you why this answer is so important – love means compromise, caring about the welfare of the other person as much as your own.
Love requires trust – and the most basic foundation of trust in a relationship is knowing that your partner will not leave you, no matter what happens. There are always going to be others more attractive, more intelligent, maybe even more compatible, others that you are attracted to. But love means you’ve committed to a choice and you need to follow through and see where it takes you.
This is why most people who have been in love say it takes time. The true test of love lies in what happens after infatuation fades and passion settles.
True love does exist. And it isn’t boring, or scary or impossible to find. It’s out there – if you’re brave enough to look, and strong enough to let yourself fall.
Karen Tay
My mind is very very fuzzy right now. I feel as though I might just blow apart with all the thoughts and memories and realisation and reminders of what I already know/have realised. I need to cool down.
Fuzzy mind, blank nails
Tuesday, February 7, 2012I haven't painted my nails properly for a very long time. The last time that I did a close-to-satisfactory nail job was when I did for myself a white base-rainbow konadicure. I have a total lack of inspiration for my nails and my polish, which is bad – very very bad.
You're probably wondering why I'm talking about nails, since there can't be a more bimbotic topic for a person to ever blog about. Well for one, my nails depict my mood, my thoughts, my emotions. Right now, or perhaps I should say that it has been for quite some time already, they're all in a jumbled mess, thus I can't seem to pick out a shade to paint my nails because that attraction to a certain colour just isn't there. My love for polishes is still there, as after seeing the swatches for the OPI Holland collection, I pretty much noted down all the shades under my to-buy list. Same goes for the CG Magnetix collection and Essie Navigate Her collection. It's just that... I don't feel a connection to any colour anymore. I agree that they are pretty but none of them can define me at this moment. Sorry to add in this minor point which is absolutely bimbotic but it is a necessity to throw it in at this very moment, this is why I need more polishes!!!
I haven't counted my polish bottles for a very long time. Much less cleaned them – world's most arduous task is to clean every single freaking bottle in my nail lacquer collection! The last time I counted with one of my cousins, the number was 83. I think it should be more than 120 now.. since my big aunt just bought for me 23 bottles? Love her so much for it!
I just want back my fetish for my polishes. I want to get excited when it comes to painting my nails. I want to anticipate painting my nails, be it with a new shade or my favourite shade.
I guess this is all happening because my mind is all messed up. I can't seem to figure out what it wants, or to be specific, what I want. I suppose I should spend more time with myself. I remember how I used to always paint pinks and creams and all the other pastel colours, because they were considered to be "safer" choices and that I could pull them off the best. Then somehow I decided to try this particular blue shimmer one day.. I admit that it wasn't a shade that was suitable for me. I remember how everyone exclaimed at it and at my boldness. I remember how Jansen picked up my hand and examined my nails closely and carefully, then he said "Why didn't you paint a pink shade? I think that it would suit you better." FYI, I was wearing a white dress that night and hence my blue nails clashed with my attire. I answered him, "I just wanna try something new, something different, something out of the blue."
That night I could have worn something other than that white dress I guess, since anyone with proper fashion logic can tell that it is a total mismatch. However, I just had that crazy idea and wanted so badly to go ahead with it. I was tired of being who people perceived me to be, ie. the pretty girl in the pretty white dress. I wanted something different, I wanted to tell people that I'm different. I'm odd, but it makes me unique. And what better way to show it than to stick to my decision of wearing a white dress albeit I had striking blue nails on. It couldn't have defined my thoughts any better than words.
I am tired. Tired of things which I cannot speak of. This seem to be like a battle that has no foreseeable ending, a war without an end. Nonetheless I'm often told, with hope and faith in my heart, miracles will happen. I have no wish for a definite certain miracle, all I ask for is a miracle.
You're probably wondering why I'm talking about nails, since there can't be a more bimbotic topic for a person to ever blog about. Well for one, my nails depict my mood, my thoughts, my emotions. Right now, or perhaps I should say that it has been for quite some time already, they're all in a jumbled mess, thus I can't seem to pick out a shade to paint my nails because that attraction to a certain colour just isn't there. My love for polishes is still there, as after seeing the swatches for the OPI Holland collection, I pretty much noted down all the shades under my to-buy list. Same goes for the CG Magnetix collection and Essie Navigate Her collection. It's just that... I don't feel a connection to any colour anymore. I agree that they are pretty but none of them can define me at this moment. Sorry to add in this minor point which is absolutely bimbotic but it is a necessity to throw it in at this very moment, this is why I need more polishes!!!
I haven't counted my polish bottles for a very long time. Much less cleaned them – world's most arduous task is to clean every single freaking bottle in my nail lacquer collection! The last time I counted with one of my cousins, the number was 83. I think it should be more than 120 now.. since my big aunt just bought for me 23 bottles? Love her so much for it!
I just want back my fetish for my polishes. I want to get excited when it comes to painting my nails. I want to anticipate painting my nails, be it with a new shade or my favourite shade.
I guess this is all happening because my mind is all messed up. I can't seem to figure out what it wants, or to be specific, what I want. I suppose I should spend more time with myself. I remember how I used to always paint pinks and creams and all the other pastel colours, because they were considered to be "safer" choices and that I could pull them off the best. Then somehow I decided to try this particular blue shimmer one day.. I admit that it wasn't a shade that was suitable for me. I remember how everyone exclaimed at it and at my boldness. I remember how Jansen picked up my hand and examined my nails closely and carefully, then he said "Why didn't you paint a pink shade? I think that it would suit you better." FYI, I was wearing a white dress that night and hence my blue nails clashed with my attire. I answered him, "I just wanna try something new, something different, something out of the blue."
That night I could have worn something other than that white dress I guess, since anyone with proper fashion logic can tell that it is a total mismatch. However, I just had that crazy idea and wanted so badly to go ahead with it. I was tired of being who people perceived me to be, ie. the pretty girl in the pretty white dress. I wanted something different, I wanted to tell people that I'm different. I'm odd, but it makes me unique. And what better way to show it than to stick to my decision of wearing a white dress albeit I had striking blue nails on. It couldn't have defined my thoughts any better than words.
"You can force me to be whom you wish to perceive me as, however you cannot change who I truly am."
I am tired. Tired of things which I cannot speak of. This seem to be like a battle that has no foreseeable ending, a war without an end. Nonetheless I'm often told, with hope and faith in my heart, miracles will happen. I have no wish for a definite certain miracle, all I ask for is a miracle.
Remember, you can do so much better than this. Your journey doesn't end here, so don't let it end here.
Where do they get all that goddamn money?!
Friday, January 13, 2012Yes, this entry is going to be about the sensitive issue: MONEY!
Earlier on today, Bestie told me that he bought a new summer coat at G2000 for only about a hundred plus dollars and it was on discount too, which makes it a total bargain-able buy. In my head, I was like... "WHAT?! $100++ FOR A BLAZER?! IS HE MADDDDD?!?!!!!" But then again, it's not my money and not my clothes, hence.. *shrugs shoulders* We started talking about our love for blazers and I told him that I have 3 black ones (do not ask me why I need 3 black blazers, with 2 looking almost the same except for the difference in quality and thickness of material), 1 white one and 1 blue one, and I am currently on the lookout for a pink one, a brown one (still contemplating on this one!) and maybe a coral red? Anyhow, I NEED MORE BLAZERS. I haven't been shopping lately and my wardrobe is on a major set-back. Yeah fine, you've probably heard me say that for like a gazillion times because my wardrobe seems to be #forever dead.
Ok, I'm getting to the main gist of this entry already. So I was whining to Bestie on how hard it is to find a good-looking pink blazer WITHOUT SHOULDER PADS (Gosh I can't begin to tell you on my hatred for anything with shoulder pads. So darn ugly-looking!!! And un-feminine!!!) and he told me that I should be on the look-out at ZARA for pink blazers. First thought that crossed my mind: ZARA?! Wouldn't that be really expensive?!! (FYI, I've never bought my blazers for anything more than $80.. I think! Can't really recall how much I paid for one of my black blazers which is made of a better quality) I was thinking that I could probably find my desirable pink blazer someday, from somewhere, at some reasonable affordable price..
It's not that I don't have the monies, and I suppose it is pretty ironical to hear someone who wouldn't hesitate to spend $84 on 4 bottles of nail polish, to be so stingy with regards to getting herself a good pink blazer. I guess it's because I draw a fine line between my shopping money and my savings.
I was blog-surfing earlier on, and as I looked through the pictures of all the popular bloggers, displaying to the world of their gorgeous garments and branded goods.. I started wondering, where do they get all that money to get all those goods? Then it hit me! Do they not save? To be fair to those who do save, I'm just making a wild guess here. I do know of some friends who are vivid shoppers, only shopping at high-end stores, and they DO NOT save. The reasons as to why they do not save varies - from "I do not work thus if I save, what do I have left to spend?" to "I do not know how to save". So yeah, I rather not judge on their reasons since we all have our own mindsets and as much as we hope for others to respect our mentality, I guess we should first respect others, yes? Albeit I will admit that I do find some of their reasons to be absurdly ridiculous. Then again, those same people will probably find me ridiculous as well for spending over a hundred on nail supplies every month. Oh well...
To each his own, I suppose.
Anyway, I'm coming up with a new blogskin. Getting rather tired of seeing this current one all the time. And frankly it has been ages since I last changed my blog template. Something new is usually something good. Also, it is a new year afterall. I shall get Bestie to help me with my new blogskin since I really suck at JavaScript and he is the pro at these techno-stuff!!! I'm thinking of taking a break from my usual white layout. Yes darlings, I am indeed getting tired from seeing so much white all the time too! Haha! It doesn't change the fact that white is still my favourite colour though! I'm thinking of taking things up a notch, going for a tiled background or something. As per usual, nothing too complex, something simple and easy for the eyes. I wouldn't like to blog either if my blog is all complicated and not to my liking!
Ooo.. So many things to do! New blogskin! Golden dragon nails for the upcoming CNY! Lexy's arrival to SG! Korean revision before the classes start on 13th Feb! Work and shopping! And meeting Bestie every month!!!
It doesn't take a lot to make me happy - all it takes are just the simplest little things in my life. (:
Earlier on today, Bestie told me that he bought a new summer coat at G2000 for only about a hundred plus dollars and it was on discount too, which makes it a total bargain-able buy. In my head, I was like... "WHAT?! $100++ FOR A BLAZER?! IS HE MADDDDD?!?!!!!" But then again, it's not my money and not my clothes, hence.. *shrugs shoulders* We started talking about our love for blazers and I told him that I have 3 black ones (do not ask me why I need 3 black blazers, with 2 looking almost the same except for the difference in quality and thickness of material), 1 white one and 1 blue one, and I am currently on the lookout for a pink one, a brown one (still contemplating on this one!) and maybe a coral red? Anyhow, I NEED MORE BLAZERS. I haven't been shopping lately and my wardrobe is on a major set-back. Yeah fine, you've probably heard me say that for like a gazillion times because my wardrobe seems to be #forever dead.
Ok, I'm getting to the main gist of this entry already. So I was whining to Bestie on how hard it is to find a good-looking pink blazer WITHOUT SHOULDER PADS (Gosh I can't begin to tell you on my hatred for anything with shoulder pads. So darn ugly-looking!!! And un-feminine!!!) and he told me that I should be on the look-out at ZARA for pink blazers. First thought that crossed my mind: ZARA?! Wouldn't that be really expensive?!! (FYI, I've never bought my blazers for anything more than $80.. I think! Can't really recall how much I paid for one of my black blazers which is made of a better quality) I was thinking that I could probably find my desirable pink blazer someday, from somewhere, at some reasonable affordable price..
It's not that I don't have the monies, and I suppose it is pretty ironical to hear someone who wouldn't hesitate to spend $84 on 4 bottles of nail polish, to be so stingy with regards to getting herself a good pink blazer. I guess it's because I draw a fine line between my shopping money and my savings.
I was blog-surfing earlier on, and as I looked through the pictures of all the popular bloggers, displaying to the world of their gorgeous garments and branded goods.. I started wondering, where do they get all that money to get all those goods? Then it hit me! Do they not save? To be fair to those who do save, I'm just making a wild guess here. I do know of some friends who are vivid shoppers, only shopping at high-end stores, and they DO NOT save. The reasons as to why they do not save varies - from "I do not work thus if I save, what do I have left to spend?" to "I do not know how to save". So yeah, I rather not judge on their reasons since we all have our own mindsets and as much as we hope for others to respect our mentality, I guess we should first respect others, yes? Albeit I will admit that I do find some of their reasons to be absurdly ridiculous. Then again, those same people will probably find me ridiculous as well for spending over a hundred on nail supplies every month. Oh well...
To each his own, I suppose.
Anyway, I'm coming up with a new blogskin. Getting rather tired of seeing this current one all the time. And frankly it has been ages since I last changed my blog template. Something new is usually something good. Also, it is a new year afterall. I shall get Bestie to help me with my new blogskin since I really suck at JavaScript and he is the pro at these techno-stuff!!! I'm thinking of taking a break from my usual white layout. Yes darlings, I am indeed getting tired from seeing so much white all the time too! Haha! It doesn't change the fact that white is still my favourite colour though! I'm thinking of taking things up a notch, going for a tiled background or something. As per usual, nothing too complex, something simple and easy for the eyes. I wouldn't like to blog either if my blog is all complicated and not to my liking!
Ooo.. So many things to do! New blogskin! Golden dragon nails for the upcoming CNY! Lexy's arrival to SG! Korean revision before the classes start on 13th Feb! Work and shopping! And meeting Bestie every month!!!
It doesn't take a lot to make me happy - all it takes are just the simplest little things in my life. (:
SUCCESSFUL
Tuesday, January 3, 20122012 new year resolution: "2012 will be SUCCESSFUL!"
Hmmm I can't help realising that my new year resolutions aren't the usual sort like less pimples, better grades, be more dilligent and etc. I suppose it's because I'm making a wish for the entire year, rather than just a small category. After 2010, I learnt how important it is to be happy and strong. K wtf, not suppose to be reminiscing about the past. *shakes head to remove thoughts*
School starts this year. Freaking can't wait for it!!! Then again, I should probably utilise my last 4 months of holiday to the maximum! Since I'll probably never get such a break ever again..! HMMMMMMMM. I shall first plan for my first 4 months of this going-to-be awesome and successful year!
Oh shit. I just googled for the Spring/Summer collection 2012 for OPI, China Glaze and Essie, and I'm shitting excited. Literally bobbing about in my chair and waving my hands in mid-air like a severely brain-damaged mental patient. Taking big gulps of air to calm myself down. I know that most of you (or probably all of you) don't get a single thing that I'm saying but it's okay. It's polishaholic language. Totally understandable and forgivable.
Someone please tell me, how can 2012 NOT be awesome and fabulous and magnificient and SUCCESSFUL? Just the Spring/Summer 2012 polish collections are enough to make me so whooping crazy! Can you imagine how I'd be like when the Fall/Winter and miscellaneous collections come out?! I should probably empty out another drawer for my polishes, or better yet, just grab a couple of giant-size plastic containers from Daiso to place my polishes? The latter seems like a better idea!
Ah... What a good start to 2012. Pretty polishes and gorgeous clothes, aims and goals, resolutions and wishes. I have a good plan in hand, and am ready to implement it.
This is going to be the best year yet.
School starts this year. Freaking can't wait for it!!! Then again, I should probably utilise my last 4 months of holiday to the maximum! Since I'll probably never get such a break ever again..! HMMMMMMMM. I shall first plan for my first 4 months of this going-to-be awesome and successful year!
Plans for 2012 (from January to April):
January
- LEXUS' ARRIVAL TO SINGAPORE!!!!
Omg there's going to be so much shopping and eating and fun! And photos too!!! Plans for CNY are currently in progress. I know that there will definitely be a trip to USS! And probably a trip to Malaysia as well! OMG OMG OMG! CANNOT WAIT! Counting down: 18 more days!
February
- KOREAN ELEMENTARY CLASS II!
I took elementary class 1 last January and then I stopped there. Lost the interest in pursuing it further as I hadn't had the time to memorise my Korean alphabets and frankly, I regretted having not been more diligent. It's just like my interest in piano. I took up piano lessons when I was in Primary 3/4 I think.. The teacher sucked, so I didn't even bother to practise and hence I didn't manage to make it pass grade 1 and I'm full of regrets about it. Maybe I'll take up piano lessons again someday, and get at least a decent grade 5 or something. Shall include it in my to-do wishlist. I feel absolutely stupid being a music illiterate! :(
Anyway I have yet to even sign-up for my elementary class 2!! Shall be a good girl and go get myself registered tomorrow! One of my resolutions for 2012: BE ABLE TO SPEAK FLUENT KOREAN BY THE END OF THIS YEAR! RAWR!!!
2012 is going to be one helluva crazy year. There's going to be school, work, and korean classes. AND SHOPPING OF COURSE!!!! My nail polishes...@_@ "Oh, swatches of Spring collection 2012, why aren't you out yettttt? Why why whyyyyyy?"
People say that I'm crazy to have close to 90 bottles of nail polishes... swatchandlearn has 500++ bottles k!!! My collection is like comparing an ant to an elephant when compared to hers! Motivation to get more nail polish! Weehee! *rubs hand in glee*
March
HMMMMM. Haven't thought that far yet. There is Daddy's birthday.. I wanna go abroad once more before school starts. I wanna do something crazy (minus any possible messy drama!) I wanna go on a picnic with Bestie at the beach and probably do some cycling as well - he has been nagging me for 18 months to go to the beach with him. Ooo! There is also Sin Hui's birthday!!! HEE-HEE-HEE! Oh, I wanna go for an exhibition as well, be it at MBS or SSC. I'll see what there is when March finally creeps up.
April
- SCHOOL!!!!!!
*JUMPS UP AND DOWN WITH JOY* I seriously miss going to school k. Making friends and studying, doing homework and learning new things. Fag man. I never thought that I'd see myself ever saying that! Guess a year of break can really change a person's attitude about various things in life. Hahaha!
I shall get Joey to go on a shopping spree with me 2 weeks before the start of school, in preparation for the upcoming busy days when I'll have no life and all there will be for me is school, work, korean classes, home. :O
School, school, school!!!! So freaking EXCITED!
Oh shit. I just googled for the Spring/Summer collection 2012 for OPI, China Glaze and Essie, and I'm shitting excited. Literally bobbing about in my chair and waving my hands in mid-air like a severely brain-damaged mental patient. Taking big gulps of air to calm myself down. I know that most of you (or probably all of you) don't get a single thing that I'm saying but it's okay. It's polishaholic language. Totally understandable and forgivable.
-For my own records-
OPI's Spring/Summer 2012 Holland collection. OPI's Nicki Minaj collection - hate most of the colours except for Metallic 4 Life which I found to be fairly acceptable.
China Glaze... I'm telling you, OHMYGAWD. Electropop collection, Prismatic collection, and lastly... the one that I'm looking forward to the most of all, Magnetix collection!!! I'll never have enough of glitter polishes, holographic polishes, and duochromes/multichromes. What I do not have is magnetic polishes and yes!!! I CAN FINALLY GET MY PERFECTLY MANICURED HANDS ON SOME BOTTLES OF AWESOME MAGNETIC POLISH! Ok, I need to calm down and stop hyperventilating. *takes in several big gulps of air*
Essie: A Spring To Invest In collection, Go Overboard collection, Resort 2012 collection. I've already seen swatches for the Go Overboard collection and I'm dying for the polishes already. Most of the polishes for the A Spring To Invest In collection have a matte finish and I'm not a fan of matte as I feel that polishes should always finish glossy so as to give this 'popping' sensation. But okay, that's just me. If the colours are truly fantastic, I guess I'll give them a layer of Seche Vite to make them glossy and popping. Resort 2012 collection... *shrugs shoulders* Need to see the swatches first.
Someone please tell me, how can 2012 NOT be awesome and fabulous and magnificient and SUCCESSFUL? Just the Spring/Summer 2012 polish collections are enough to make me so whooping crazy! Can you imagine how I'd be like when the Fall/Winter and miscellaneous collections come out?! I should probably empty out another drawer for my polishes, or better yet, just grab a couple of giant-size plastic containers from Daiso to place my polishes? The latter seems like a better idea!
Ah... What a good start to 2012. Pretty polishes and gorgeous clothes, aims and goals, resolutions and wishes. I have a good plan in hand, and am ready to implement it.
This is going to be the best year yet.
2011
Monday, January 2, 2012OKAY, so in 2 hours time, it will officially be the end of 2011 and the start of 2012! An event that I've been looking forward to since like.. September? LOL
Here is my summary of my 2011:
I'll only be listing the somewhat-main event(s) of the month!
Here is my summary of my 2011:
I'll only be listing the somewhat-main event(s) of the month!
Kicked start the year by working at Esprit!
Dyed my hair for the first time - mahogany brown
Went clubbing for the first time, twice in a month! First with Shin, second with my 大姐! I also left Esprit that month.
Worked at Science Centre Singapore
Went to Taiwan with my sisters!
Started giving tuition by working at Little Sparkler Learning Centre! My first 2 students, Walter and Terry! I'm no longer teaching them as I quitted my job at the tuition centre at the end of this November.
Life pretty much slowed down after I started working as a private tutor.. It was mostly work, shop, go crazy over nails, eat and be bimbotic occasionally. Nothing spectacular. Well except the fact that I started going gaga over neoprints (again!) and had my girlfriends to camwhore with me!
Dyed my hair for the second time. My stylist decided that I should try having red and blonde highlights, and I went for it. And yes, I (finally) got myself an iPhone!!! My Vivienne Westwood-inspired bling iPhone cover!
Went on a short holiday with my family to Kuantan Malaysia.
When we came back, we held a family gathering at our place, in celebration of the Mid-Autumn festival.
Tutees had their EOY exams, thus everyone wanted extra lessons, hence I pretty much turned into a workaholic for the month of October. Fortunately, I still managed to squeeze some fun into my schedule! Went to USS twice that month!
First with the Tan family.
Second with my sister for the USS Halloween Horror Night event.
One of my cousins, Maggie, got married.
Went for Swiss Guides Camp 2011.
Went into Desaru, Malaysia for a day to have seafood for lunch! ((:
Then Xmas dinner at my place! With my grandfather falling ill 2 days later, and was sent into NUH A&E... In case you're wondering what I did for my birthday, 30th December 2011, I went to work in the morning then spent the rest of the day in the hospital. Bet you've never spent your birthday in a hospital before! Ha!
Anyway, yeap! That concludes my 2011. (:
Anyway, yeap! That concludes my 2011. (:
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