The Letter

Exactly 1 year ago, you wrote me a letter when you were in France. Today, 1 year later, while rummaging through my inbox, I found that letter and I read it again. I wonder, with what kind of emotions and feelings, did you use to pen that letter down? Every word was made of sugar and coated with honey, they were so sweet and delectable that it made the events that have happened seem like such an unpredictable and ironical tragedy.

From the title of the letter to the contents and lastly your sign-off, all of it hit me hard in my mind and in my heart. There is only one word which I have to describe my current emotions — Confusion.

The Test

I'm not gonna run anymore

Alright, don't get me wrong. The picture quote above has nothing to do with what I am about to say. It is simply just there to umm.. brighten up the entry? Add a little more colours? Ya dah ya dah, you get what I mean. It's so boring for an entry to be just black and white. Too solemn as well. Actually, this IS suppose to be a solemn entry but I suppose it is due to the fact that it is 5.03AM in the morning right now and I haven't slept for the past.. 17hours? So I am a little high, which I technically am not suppose to be because this is suppose to be a solemn entry remember? But okay, I'll get this over and done with so that one day when I read my past entries again, I can recall about the day that I stopped running away.

For the past couple of weeks, I have been running away, avoiding, restraining myself and etc. I just didn't want to face that something which I wasn't ready to deal with. I guess it was due to this ridiculous fear that was generated in me, fuel-ed by what I don't know. I did everything I could to stay away from fb, twitter, MSN, hotmail; it was as though they would explode if I went anywhere near them. I kept myself occupied with online games, videos, books, television... I just didn't want to even think about it! I knew that if I allowed myself to even think about it when I wasn't ready to face it, I would simply end up being all moody and in tears. And today! I faced all of it. And I am so proud of myself!!

I am still not sure what I was afraid of, but.. I know I will be better because I've got Honey (:

P.S. I know this entry probably doesn't make any sense to you, but well, it does to me. Ha!

Honey and Apples

Vegetarian vermicelli to fill the stomach, vodka to soothe the throat and apples to please the tongue. ♥

Safe, dark, motionless, airless

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung, and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully around hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.

— C.S. Lewis

I learnt the hard way that some things in life are just impossible. Perhaps you are also just one of those many impossibles that would appear in my life. I admit that I got shaken by you. But before I become a fool again, I will lock myself safe in my casket. Afterall, love doesn't exist.

Honestly what was I thinking? Dashing straight forward for that hint of light in the distance, hoping that it would somehow brighten up my dark world. Perhaps you are just a lamp-post, providing me light for just that moment. Not the sun that would shine brightly in my sky and bring light and life to everything in my world. I guess I was getting tired of living in the dark, hence resulting in the wrong judgement on my part. I guess I have been wishing too hard for that someone who is able to change my wrong mentality, to prove to me that love does exist in this cold and dark world. It's so cold.. I'm starting to freeze. Thanks for giving me warmth these past few days. But I suppose I am better off living in my casket, if it isn't mine to begin with.

I know I am being a coward and an ignorant idiot. Thanks for the compliment. I deserve it.

Responsibility VS Desire

I thought I was doing the right thing. Fulfilling a promise. Living up to my responsibility. Saving a life. But in return, I had to lie, I had to struggle to keep up to my lies, I had to feign my interest, I.. was practically killing myself.

The burden is so heavy, it is causing my shoulders to sag. I felt like running away. Even though I would probably be the first in history if I did so! My heart and my mind were screaming "NO!" at me.. However, I still forced myself to undergo that procedure which was suppose to be a happy one, and was instead filled with reluctance and guilt. I know it wasn't real. And I should just push it to the back of my mind. Afterall it made someone smile.. It made someone else really happy. But it didn't make me happy. It made me wanna run away even more. It made me wanna hide. It made me wanna vanish into thin air. Everything about it.. was just wrong.

I want so badly to tell you the truth. The truth that I am not happy when I am with you, that is why I am giving you the cold shoulder, that is why I am running away from you, that is why I am hiding from you. The person I am happy with is him. Because of him, I find myself laughing, I find myself smiling, at the most absurd things ever! However I can't.. because evidently I tried it today, and you went berserk. And so I had to tell more lies, just so you would calm down.. You know it too that we are impossible, yet you keep trying to stretch the boundary and exceed the limit. To be honest, I am counting the days till you leave for NS. So that once you are gone, I can be freed from the fucking prison that you are trying to lock me in. Well perhaps there is one thing that you do not know about me, I am free like the birds in the sky. Only one person can tie me down, and that person is most definitely not you. I will roam freely, I will soar freely, in the vast blue skies. 3 more days... I'll just have to hang in there for just 3 more days. I'll just have to put on a show for 3 more days, I'll just have to tell more lies for 3 more days.

You can stay in your fantasy world. But I'll bring him into my reality. Fuck to you and all your lunatic friends. For the first time ever, I can't wait to say goodbye to someone. Oh wait, I think this is perhaps the second time? The first time being the time I went out with someone else who totally disgusted me with the way he talked, act and ate, that I actually RAN in the opposite direction after I bid him farewell. Thank goodness I wouldn't have to run this time round (It is so unglamorous and sweaty!).

Who ever said that being nice is a fortunate thing, go bang your head against the wall please. Because being nice would only attract mental bruises, mental burdens and mental pain. I abhor being nice, especially to you.

Love and hate inextricably linked

三个字

爱情不是一道选择题
我会将这三个字化作你的姓名, 永远的放在心里...

Since you can't fly, try levitation.

Love is a fire.

Isn't it odd that when you are giving advices to someone whose heart got broken, the phrase "there are other fishes in the sea, there are other trees in the forest" becomes applicable, whereas when the phrase is used on yourself, it becomes inapplicable. Well, it isn't really inapplicable, but rather we are in denial. We are so determined and insistent that our love is the strongest, it is the best and it will NEVER die. We somehow miraculously possess prediction powers at that moment and we are able to tell the future -- that we will still be loving someone say 10 or 20 years down the road -- but honestly, how accurate is our prediction? Or even worst, it isn't even a prediction to begin with. It was nothing but a mere speculation. Speculations are unreliable as they are based on nothing. Speculations are made up of thin air and wild guesses.

As much as we wish for our heartbroken friends to take a moment and pause from grieving over their heartache, to see understand that it isn't the end yet, why aren't we doing the same? Love is blind but in such cases, WE are the ones who slipped a blindfold over our eyes and choose to be ignorant about the reality that there are indeed other fishes in the sea and other trees in the forest. We have to open our heart AND mind to embrace this fact. It is possible to continue loving someone and it is only right to love someone when you accept all the other possibilities out in this world. Fyi, accepting other possibilities is completely different from the crave/desire for other possibilities, because the word to describe the latter is called 'rebounce'.

"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart, or burn down your house, you can never tell." --Author Unknown

Cinderella

The best July

"I've fallen in love many times... always with you." --Author Unknown

Glass Heart

The Last Strand

When I hit the 'send' button, I could see myself holding a pair of scissors, snipping away the last strands of our fragmented friendship. I really thought that the least we could be, were friends. However, it was a mission that proved itself to be impossible. Once again, I'm saying the same old phrase, 'I never wanted this to happen.'

For months, I tolerated with your attitude, with your nastiness, with your biasness. For each time you treated me coldly/meanly, I cried. My already broken heart would break another time. My heart is so broken that it equivalent to having thrown a china vase onto the floor, then picking up the pieces and throwing it onto the floor again, making sure that it is shattered to the extent that the pieces are so small, so small that they cannot further divide themselves.

Friendship and love, two conflicting issues. They can never work side by side, just like the angel and the devil. They co-exist, they are co-related, but they can never co-operate with each other. Perhaps to others, friendship seems like the one with the higher probability, but to me, love is further away from zero.

If you ask me, "Are you sure about this?"
My answer to you, is "No, I aren't sure at all."
You may ask, "Why are you doing it then?"
My reply, "Because either way kills and so I'll take the more painful path."
"Do you really not want the friendship anymore?"
What a ridiculous question. How can I not want it. In fact, I would do anything to have it. Sadly, I don't know what to do. Not anymore. I am out of ideas, I am out of strength. What's left of me is an empty carcass. I am worst than a robot because at least robots are devoid of emotions but have immense amount of strength. Me? I have been vacant of both emotions and strength. I told you before, I am just a mere mortal.

I never had a choice. Don't tell me stupid stuff such as 'How can you possibly not have a choice? There were so many choices placed infront of you.' Seriously, shut up. If the choices placed infront of me were unrealistic, how can they still be termed as 'choices'. Those are ruthless demands. It is no different from being thrown into a labyrinth without any exits, and with every five steps you take, there is either a deadly booby trap or a minotaur. So really, death seems like the only way out. That is, unless you can fly.

Maybe, just maybe, I will really grow wings one day...

I want our friendship. But if I have to accept all your freaking conditions and fucked-up attitude, than I rather not have it at all. My patience and tolerance is not unlimited, they do have a limit. Yes, to love is to give. But to love does not equate to tolerating with all your nuisance. Life isn't fair. But I was hoping that you were... I gave you all of me, and I will still be giving you, all of me.

Each step that we took, it seems to be a wrong one. Each step that we take, it seems that it is gonna be a wrong one. I am out of energy already. I don't know about you, but I am gonna take a break. To refresh myself and to allow the fog to clear a little, and perhaps I will be able to better see the path ahead and then decide which one I should take. If the rain pours, then let it pour.. Because our eyes needs to be washed by our tears once in awhile, so that we can see life with a clearer view again.


Happy Birthday.

Be Extraordinary

This is dedicated to my Bestie:

I'll have no regrets, I'll give until there is nothing left.

Controversial breaking point

I think my scariest moments are not when I am furious, but instead, they are when my mind plunges itself into a deep state of thought. I am able to think and comprehend clearly, unlike the usual haze and road-blocks which hinders my path of thought. I don't need directions, I don't need maps, I don't need compasses. I am pulled by this invisible cord, to go forward. To walk a path for which no future can be seen. But for some unknown reason why, it's okay.

I can feel it now. This is my breaking point. Like the edge on a cliff. Like the boiling point on a thermometer. Like the sharp blade on a knife. My breaking point.

Everything is a complete controversy. I see it now. I see my breaking point. I am here.

It was never your fault. It was always mine. I am sorry for everything.

Flying up high

Bibles give you the definition of love. Sutras give you the definition of love. But you may ask, what exactly is love? Go conduct a random sample of let's say, a sample size of 10, and you will get 10 different answers. Because for everyone, they have their own evaluation about love. Hence, logically, there is no exact definition for love, as there isn't one which we can pin on everyone and anyone, and say that it is the same. Some may say that if love cannot be defined, then how come I can search for it on dictionary.com and get a definition for it? My dear friend, read the 'definitions' carefully, comprehend it correctly, and you will realise that those so-called 'definitions' aren't definitions at all. Instead, they are more of a description of what love is.

I have been walking back and forth on this path so many times that I have lost count already. And while walking back and forth all these time, I have been deliberating over one single issue, which sadly, I have yet to come to a conclusion. I have evaluated again and again, yet I am still nowhere near the end. If it was written as an essay, I think my essay would turn out to be more of a book. Or perhaps, a series of books. A friend told me that I have actually come to a conclusion, yet somehow I refuse to put that little dot on my essay, and so I continue clutching onto my pen, scribbling away at my 'endless' essay, penning down evaluations which would score me no marks and perhaps even get me a big red cross if the essay was ever being marked by an examiner. A big red cross not because I am wrong, but because the extra evaluation is not necessary and hence, out of annoyance, the examiner gave me a big red 'X'. Perhaps I lack the confidence and faith in myself to put that tiny dot on my essay, to put an end my thoughts, to put a conclusion to the issue. Thus, it explains why I am constantly walking back and forth on the same path. My friend says that it is okay though, because if I truly had such unwavering faith, then I wouldn't be human and it wouldn't be love. Then again, they say that 'a conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking', which goes to say that however tired I may be from thinking, I am not exhausted yet, and therefore the reason why I seem to be unable to come to a conclusion.

It is funny how everyone thinks that things would work out in the end. It is funny how everyone assumes that things will work out in the end. It is funny how everyone expects things to work out in the end. Honestly, ask yourself. Has anything ever worked out without any effort put in? Do you expect yourself to score full marks for a test which you did not study for? Well, that is unless if you are a brain genius. The same mentality is applied to everything else in life. If you do not work for it, it will never be yours, and things will of course not work out. The other funny thing is that people always expect another person to go work the problem out, and then they will somehow reap the benefits in the end. That is utter bull. And, how can you expect someone else to do something which you are involved in too? Before anything else, where on earth did you get the thought that someone else must initiate the first steps to working out a problem? Oh right, I almost forgot. You were born with it. Seriously, that is the lamest excuse I have ever heard in all my lifetimes summed up together. In addition, you conveniently push the blame to the other person when no solution is being produced. Hello! This aren't a math question, which the examiner asks you to reject one of the two following answers and give a reason for your rejection. How many brain cells do you expect me to have? An average human being has only 50-100 billion neurons in his/her brain. Excluding the ones which might have possibly been burnt away by fevers. I am no exception okay. It takes two hands to clap, it takes two people to work out a problem. You can't expect me to do it alone. The problem will forever lie in between us, unsolved. Until you, are willing to work hand-in-hand with me to find a solution. Yes, you are superman. But I aren't superwoman you know, however hard I may wish to be though.

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear." — Mark Twain

Call me a fool, and I'll say that I am being courageous. I am standing up for something I want, something I will fight for till the time has really come for me to put all my pens down. It isn't that I am not scared, in fact I am terrified, but without trying, then will I be a failure. I am not a failure. And hence, I ate a lion's heart and now I am aiming for superman's heart, not to eat but for keeps. Everything is always okay in the end, if it’s not okay, then it’s not the end. This is why my fingers are still kept crossed and why the flame has yet to be extinguished.

Someday, I will grow wings and I will soar up high. And when I do, I wanna take you along with me. We will touch the clouds and steal the stars. We will live up high in the skies, which is where our paradise lies. Together, we will be flying up high.

The battlefield for survival or for love?

Just because I don't love you the way you want me to, it does not mean that I don't love you. You say I don't appreciate the things that you do, but I do, I really do. Instead, I think that you are the one who doesn't appreciate the things I do, the things that I have done silently for you. I know I am contradicting my own words by expecting you to appreciate something which you do not know that I have done for you, I suppose this is because I am getting quite tired from you not seeing me.

Today, as I stood before the toilet bowl in one of the cubicles in the girls' toilet, holding my hair up with one hand, while regurgitating everything that I had ate in less than 5 minutes ago, something in me tweaked. I finally realised, how sick I actually was. How loving you has resulted in my illness. There is no physical cure for it, I can't expect to take paracetamol or lomotil or some other drug, and be cured like all other illnesses. This is different. And honestly, I know there is a cure, there are many cures in fact, it's just that which cure is the right one to take? Till I know which cure is the right one to take or perhaps the cure that I wish to take is finally available for me, I will do my best to fight to live. Hoping that for each day that I manage to survive, I am one step closer to my desired outcome.

As much as I hate running, I know how crucial the last lap is. It isn't about who crosses the finishing line first or who crosses the finishing line last. It is about giving your all, throwing all caution into the wind, giving it your best shot, and most importantly, being glad that at the end of the race, you went through all that shit.. And didn't give up. Everyone wants to win, but really, is winning that important? The medal that you get, will merely be sitting in a corner of your room, gathering dust. It is however, the experience that you will always remember, that will never be forgotten. And so, I will throw all caution into the wind, and give it my best shot. Praying that at the end of this race, my efforts will pay off.. Because really, even though it isn't all about winning, everyone hates losing.

Standing on the shore

I'll admit, I am an idiot.

Because of love, I'll tolerate your nuisance.

Credits: My girlfriend, Genevieve Lim.

It's time to partay!

Partyworld with my sister!



I like the agar-agar. *points at the purplish blue stuff*



Bubble Milk Tea. (Not as in those kind of pearls in bubble teas, but real bubbles!) I'm telling you, it's mad awesome!!









My sister gets me cracking whenever she doesn't know how to sing a part of a song, because she would start going off-key deliberately. I'm glad that I am still capable of hearing. She sounds really really horrible when she goes off-key - seriously unimaginably horrible.


She loves my Satchi bag too. ♥

At times I wonder, why am I so crazy? Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, I do not have an answer for that. I'm having one of my crazy moments now. I think it is partly due to Katy Perry's songs. And Eric's random insanity on Twitter. This is a crazy world. I live in a crazy world. Woohooo!

This is my answer...

Superman

I want my superman back. Please...

For the past 6 months, she has been crying everyday, without fail. Everyday. She isn't crying deliberately, who would be stupid enough to cry deliberately? Furthermore, it is a minimum of twice a day. Go calculate yourself how much tears she has been shedding in just the past 6 months? Probably enough to fill quite a number of African kids' water bottle. Even a leaky water tap wouldn't want to be dripping water constantly. What more a human, who is very much alive even though life is like a living hell without superman? She can't die because if she does, what about her parents who love her so dearly? It's all right if the world is unfair to her, but she can't make the world unfair for her parents. That would be a heinous crime. One which even she wouldn't forgive herself for.

Her mother often asks her, 'What are you doing in the toilet? You take a whole hour to shower. Waste water you know!' She replies her mother, 'Showering lah! What more can I do in a toilet? Besides, shit that is.' In actual fact, she only takes 10-15 minutes to shower, the rest of the 45-50 minutes is spent sitting on the bathroom floor crying. As the water run past her, they wash her tears away, yet the tears seem as though they weren't willing to ever stop. She faces a blank wall and she screams silently. As she mouths all the vulgarities she can think of, all she hopes is that through this, she can stop hurting, she can stop crying, she can stop thinking about superman, she can somehow stop loving superman. But obviously, it isn't working. Because she still loves superman. And, she loves him alot alot alot. So much that she never knew about it initially, and when she found out, she was surprised - surprised by how much she actually loves superman, it was more than she can ever imagine.

Every night, her father never fails to walk in to check on his precious daughter. If she was in bed already, he would check the windows and make sure that they were closed properly, then he would walk to her bed, pull her blanket up a little higher and tuck her in, making sure that she was kept warm in her chilly air-conditioned room. Then he would walk with very light footsteps to the door, and while closing the door, he made sure that he did it very softly because he didn't want to wake her up. What he never knew was that she never asleep. She was always awake when he walked in. She was lying in bed, crying silently. Her tears dampened her bedsheets, her blanket, her pillow. But she couldn't care about them, all she had in mind was to cry all her pain away, yet the pain was so stubborn, because it never grew less. It was as painful as it was when superman left 6 months ago. Eventually, she cried herself to sleep. By the time she fell asleep, it was already 4AM in the morning, and she had to wake up at 6AM if it was a school day. On worst nights, it is as if crying to sleep isn't bad enough, she dreamt about superman. She would get startled awake when superman disappeared from her dreams all of a sudden. For the first few seconds, she would think, where did superman go to? Why did he suddenly disappeared? And then reality hit her, superman left long ago. Superman left 6 months ago. Then her vision would get blurry, she could feel her cheeks getting wet again, her pillow being dampened once again by her tears. She was crying again. In 2 hours, she cried twice. When her mother walked in at 6AM to wake her up, she never knew that her daughter had cried the night before. Her daughter made sure her parents never knew about her crying. She always made sure to do it silently because the last thing she had in mind, was making her parents worry for her.

However, no matter how brilliantly she tries to make sure that when she cries, her parents are either busy watching the television or they are asleep already, at times, they walk in on her at a wrong timing. She would turn away, hastily wipe the tears away, and add a cheery tone to her voice such that it didn't sound like she was crying when they walked in. Now, she is even capable of forcing a laughter out of herself, making jokes which didn't seem all that funny to her, but she knew that the jokes would make her parents laugh. And when they walked out, the tears would surface again immediately, staining her spectacles, wetting her cheeks. Hearing her parents' laughter was all that mattered. Not letting them worry for her was the most important thing. The last thing she had in mind, was her parents knowing that their precious daughter is crying everyday, twice a day at least, because of superman.

The love she feels for superman, is more than what anyone can ever imagine. As corny as it sounds, she feels as though she was born into this world to love superman. All she wants is to love superman, with all the love that is meant for him only. It isn't like she hadn't tried hating superman. She did, she even came up with a childish revenge plot which she gave up on because she simply loved him far too much to take any silly revenge. It isn't like she didn't try liking someone else. She did, but it just felt wrong, because she knew that deep inside her, the one she love is superman, and not that guy who is better than him in so many terms. If she could measure the love she had for superman, then anything else in this world which is measurable will become immeasurable.

- What did I do to make you love me so much?
- Nothing, shouldn't you know that better now? If not, why would I have started loving you since we were 7 when you did nothing at all.
- That is illogical.
- Love is illogical.
- But you are crying at least twice a day because of this love.
- You are putting a definition to my love. However, love cannot be defined. Thus, my crying has nothing to do with love.

Get it? Love cannot be defined. If you can stick a definition to it, then it isn't love.. Superman, why am I the one suffering from your mistakes? Why is it that even though you've changed, the one benefitting from the change isn't me? Yet I am still the one suffering from your change? Why am I the one suffering..? Why do I love you so much still?

And there are no answers to any of the above questions. Every question is still an unresolved mystery.

The day is set.

The day is set.

It aren't gonna be words only. This time, I really mean it. I am really gonna take action. I have enlisted the help of Bestie. I have had enough of just talking about it, and doing it with half a heart, okay maybe three-quarters. This time round, I'm giving it my all. I will be doing it with my whole heart. This is not for anyone, this will be for myself.

This will be for me to mend my broken heart. This will be for me to stop avoiding what I should be able to face full-front. This will be a major transformation. This will be a dramatic change. This is what I call, superficiality.

And like what I said, I'm not sorry for being superficial. Not anymore. This is what I will be. This is what I should be. This is me.

And it will start friday.

Hearts my Bestie

Me: My friend called me a bimbo :(
Bestie: That's great!
Me: Why? :O
Bestie: Because you show them later that you're a fucking genius. And then you will have style and brains at the same time!

I really gotta give it to my best friend sometimes. It is true that his obstination drives me so insane that I wanna just yank all his hair out of his head even though he just had an expensive haircut. Especially when he starts talking about his strawberry, then I've gotta chant pretty babe 5 times. Also, when he starts his gibberish about computers, physics, the universe and whatnots, my eyes will grow as wide as fishballs and there will be an instant blank in my head, and I'd go.. "WHAT is he talking about...?" However, I must give him due credit for my gain in general knowledge! He is my walking encyclopedia. Well, sort of. HAHA

A few days ago, we had a huge argument over some trivial issues, and I was partly to be blamed. (I'm sorry Bestie) A cold war was established between the two of us for two days, and honestly, I really missed jabbering nonsense with him during those two days. Then, on the third day, he called. He asked if I was at home and if I could meet him at the shopping mall near my place because he had something he wanted to talk to me about. I agreed and I went to meet him. He didn't exactly talked to me. Instead, he passed me this...


Yes, this is the same Pluto plush toy I posted a picture of on this very blog not too long ago. The exact same one.

I was surprised. I was shocked. And most importantly, I felt bad. Really really really bad. It wasn't like I didn't feel apologetic before he gave me the plush toy. I did, but thanks to my pride, I just couldn't swallow it down again, to say sorry a second time. (I did say sorry once ok bestie! REMEMBER? Do not make me refresh your memory for you with an insincere apology.) When I got home, the first thing I did was ripped the wrapping apart, took off the price tags, hugged my pluto, went to my sister's room and reiterated the scene from Despicable Me ("It's so fluffy!! I think I'm gonna die!!!!") infront of my sister. She thought I went bonkers, I can't blame her for thinking that way.

My sister told me, "You are very lucky to have such a good best friend you know." Yes, I know that. I lost a boyfriend, but I gained so many best friends in return. And Bestie, you are one of the best guy friends I have ever had. I am glad I have you. Thank you Bestie, for being my best friend (:

AND, here are more pictures of Pluto! He is so cute! I think I'm gonna dieeeeeee!





Isn't he adorable?? :D

Ok, I think Bestie is going to kill me because I lied to him that I am doing my work and so I can't listen to his Jason Mraz songs. In actual fact, I am here composing this touching entry. Don't cry ok Bestie? I know I am very good at words. Hehe!

But really, thank you Bestie. ♥

Post-Note: I was a little sad when Bestie went off to bed without reading this entry, because he was too upset over the strawberry for some particular reason again. I wrote this entry specially for him. I poured in so much effort and rushed it out so he wouldn't have to be kept awake for too long. In the end, he didn't get to read it. Stupid strawberry. :(

Now, forever, and everything in between

An extract from Mrs V's Wordpress

Every couple in love tells each other: “I will always love you”, “I will want you forever”. They use various terms of endearment like “baby”, “darling” and “sweetheart”. When we are in the NOW moment, it seems as though forever is a given. But anyone who has ever had a broken heart will know that promises made in the heat of the moment mean little. When someone says “I love you always” they really mean “I love you NOW”. Forever takes time.

If you want to know how much a man loves you, it is all the little things in between now and forever that you must take into account. When he braves encounters with your family because he thinks you’re worth it, when he waits ages for you to make up your mind about something, when he calls you during the day just to tell you what he is doing because he knows you think about him, when he teaches your children how to express their love for you, when he goes out of his way to protect you from all the things you fear, when he reveres you as a mother yet gets turned on by the way you look in a certain dress, when he urges you to follow your dreams, when he takes your every wish as his command, when he actually likes to hear the things you have to say, when he holds your hair back while you throw up because of morning sickness, when he massages your feet just because you like it, when he gets angry with people who hurt you, when he gets the car serviced because he is going to be travelling and he doesn’t want you to get stuck somewhere…

That is when you know he loves you. It happens between now and forever.

Hi, I think you can be my forever. I know you can't see me now, but I hope you will one day.
I will be right here waiting for you till the day you do.

Blue and Blurry

Hi, do you know that I am waiting for you? Where are you exactly? I know I've got to be patient, but really, I am running out of patience soon.

Do you know how jealousy courses through my veins when I see all most of my friends soaking in bliss of finding their other half, or going to be their other half? I get so annoyed by those who say they want to wait abit more that I just wanna grab a vase, smash their head with it and scream, "What are you waiting for?! Are you trying to torture people like me?! Asshole. Faster go say yes, buy a ring, get her a pretty white dress, get yourself a handsome tuxedo, book a church, book a pastor, walk down the aisle, get married and have 3 kids. I would gladly say yes if you want me to their godmother! Oh and, don't forget to live happily ever after too." When will my chance to get almost-smashed at by a vase and screamed by my single friends ever come? When are you ever gonna come? I don't like waiting, I really don't. But I doubt I have a choice. Can you please come quickly? Pretty pretty please. I am tired of waiting.

Even though I haven't met you yet, I miss you. I really do. You had better come quick or I might be the one smashing you with a vase instead, screaming at you, "Why did you keep me waiting for so long?! Just look at my rabbit eyes. You need to be responsible for them because I missed you so much that I cried every night. I hate you for making me wait so long." I might just even consider giving you a hard time before saying yes, in revenge for keeping me waiting for so long. I don't need any promises from you. I just need your love.

Come quick okay? I'm waiting for you...

Kare-oke at Cheena-town

Friday, 3rd September 2010. After my geography and economics paper, I went down to Chinatown to join 2 babes for Kbox. I almost killed Wan Lin because she is terrible in giving directions.

Wan Lin: Take the long long escalator. Then turn right and walk down that stretch of pathway.
Me: What pathway?! I only see Bee Cheng Hiang!
Wan Lin: Where are you?? Why got Bee Cheng Hiang?!
Me: I'm in... (looks around) Chinatown!!!
Wan Lin: Duh right. I know you are in Chinatown.
Me: No really! Got red lantern and old shop-houses and old uncles and chinese calligraphy and...
Wan Lin: You turn right, face the back, then you walk, then you will see a building. It is that building.
Me: Okay wait, I try. (walks for abit) Is the building called.. (reads the neon lighting) Basement Two..?
Wan Lin: Why are you at basement two?!?! We are at the fourth floor!
Me: No no. I am asking you if the building is called Basement Two?
Wan Lin: The building is called lucky plaza. [Side note: The building is actually called lucky chinatown -.-]
Me: Where got?! Ok wait, I walk abit more.
Wan Lin: Just walk straight.
Me: If I walk straight I bang into the fencing already!
Wan Lin: Aiya, just walk lah!
Me: Wah lao!! The Basement Two building is the building lah!
Wan Lin: We are at the fourth floor! Not basement two!!
Me: ....Nevermind. I am coming up now. (enters the elevator)

Fyi, I walked to and fro that freaking building and the MRT station 3 times! Just imagine how stupid I must have looked. Urrgh! Embarrassing.

Violet Blackberry! ♥




Suj wouldn't let me upload any other pictures. Or she would kill me. Especially the picture of her smiling at her food. Lol!

I wish I took a picture of the dinner - Nasi Lemak & Wanton Noodle - we had there. It was omfg good. Super addictive! Ok, maybe it was because I was very hungry. I only had 2 meals for the past 2 days? Go figure. I think I am becoming anorexic. That is so uber cool! (Do not send me to IMH, I am perfectly sane thank you.)

They have a really cute waiter there. I was 1 and a half hour late? (Hehe..) He saw me and when I said, "I need to go to room 817?", he commented, "You are really late! Your friends have been waiting for you." and then he gave me a really cute smile and directed me to the room my friends were in. (Awww..) He kept coming in to serve us - okay well, serve me because my friends had already ordered their dinner and their drink. But umm.. He is.. Abit.. Short ya.. Like slightly taller than me or perhaps the same height as me when I have heels on? Okay, I shall end here for this paragraph. I feel awful.

Kbox at Cheena-town is mad awesome! They have the latest technology there - touchscreen! No more confusing remote controls, no more stupid buttons! Sujean called me a bimbo though. :(
Because...
Me: Eh! How to go back to the page which shows all the songs we chose?
Suj: There, you go here. (taps the screen)
Me: I say the page which shows all the songs we chose lah. You show me all the singers for what!
Suj: Eh? Oh. I thought you wanted that. Erm... Let me see....
Me: Is it this one? The biggest button on the screen! (taps on it before she can say anything)
Suj: Wah lao!! Bimbo leh you! Biggest button on the screen!
Me: What! Isn't it suppose to be the case?!
Suj: Bimbo!!!

And she continued laughing at me for another 15 minutes. Also, the biggest button on the screen didn't bring me to the page that I wanted to go to. It made Suj laugh even harder. Wan Lin came to the rescue and helped me get to the page I wanted. Sujean called me a bimbo. :(((

I didn't sing much that day. I was too busy sipping on my violet blackberry. Loves! And chewing on the jelly! Loves x2! I can't wait for Prelims to be over. I think there is gonna be another kbox date with my clique, plus a movie too! Relaxation is on its way.

I've already booked 2 girlfriends on 2 separate shopping trips. Hohohoho! I am gonna have lots of new stuff soon! Out with the old, in with the new!

Relationship

Found this on my sister's facebook page while surfing around. It stunned me and enlightened me. All at the same time.
Read it, it'll be worth your time.

This is a very good article. Those who are still single may learn something from here...
Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage & relationship ...

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, 'How do I know if I married the right person?'
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, 'It depends. Is that your husband?'
In all seriousness, she answered 'How do you know?'

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept off my feet.' Think about the imagery of that expression.
It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?' And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else.
You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression 'the labor of love.' Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can 'make' love.

Love in marriage is indeed a 'decision'... Not just a feeling.

Remember always this:
God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let to walk away, who you let to stay, and who you refuse to let go.

See the last statement which I bolded? It is on the standby page of my phone and on my mind. It stirred up alot of thoughts. I have yet to come up with a conclusion.

It'll be something to think about other than the plan. It is a better alternative, for now.

The wind will still be blowing, the sun will still be shining

CJC Teachers' Day 2010 - Potluck









Geláre - Waffle with maple syrup + 2 scoops of ice cream
We had Swiss Chocolate Caramel and Macadamia Nut that day. Cookies and Cream wasn't in stock!! You can imagine how upset I was. But my sadness only lasted for a few nano-seconds. :P













Jantzen
My sister was killing her brain cells over whether she should keep her hair long or cut it short. And so, me, the little nice sister, went with her to Jantzen. On our way there, we debated on the issue of her hair length. I took the stand that she should keep her hair long because she was gonna rebond it anyway, and it will look uglier when it grows out again if she were to cut it short. So blah blah blah.. Conclusion? She took my advice and didn't cut her hair. Yay!!




The last shot is awesome, isn't it? I took it. *smirks*
Use Canon! It gives quality pictures that will be delighting you always. LOL!

Pastamania (again!)



This is my favourite drink, Blackberry Italian Soda. MAD LOVES.


The 3 pictures below show why Canon should be your desired camera:



I know, I love Canon too! ♥

We saw this at Mini-Toons and I had this HUGE urge to buy it. I know it'll look super sweet on my laptop. I just know it. Also! It is less than $2! What a bargain! Decisions, decisions, decisions.....



Girlfriend, can we switch a venue next time? It's always been either New York New York or Pastamania! We need a change! How about Café Cartel next? Or perhaps Jack's place? It's been ages since I last patronized them. I've got a random craving for Sakae Sushi and Seoul Garden too. Hehs.

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Alright, this has been a really really long entry. Prelims are on-going now. Exams and tuitions altogether - it is one helluva crazy week. I think I need another round of Geláre to de-stress.


"There are many souls out there, to be your soulmate." -wj