Ally sat on the upper deck of the bus, second seat from the top right. She chose a window seat, like always. She stared at the view outside, there wasn't much to see for it was dark. All she saw was rows and rows of tall lamps, standing silebtly at the side, lighting up the roads. The smooth surface of the window glass reflected the light that was reflected on her, she saw her reflection and caught herself smilingly dumbly. She stopped a moment in her subconscious thoughts to figure out her smile and when she realised what it was, she smiled even wider.
They were on the train, heading towards Jurong East to ice-skate with her sister and her sister's beau. Ally tried hard to not sulk in front of him, but it was to of no avail. They had a little unhappy moment back at her place before they left, and thus bad thoughts were constantly pestering her.
"Please smile." Ally turned and looked at him.
"Sing to me?"
He cleared his throat. She saw his eyes darting from left to right before focusing on her. He parted his lips slightly, and then all she heard was just his voice.
“It's a beautiful night
We're looking for something dumb to do
Hey baby
I think I wanna marry you
Is it the look in your eyes
Or is it this dancing juice?
Who cares, baby
I think I wanna marry you
Well, I know this little chapel
On the boulevard we can go
No one will know
Oh, come on girl
Who cares if we're trashed
Got a pocket full of cash we can blow
Shots of patron
And it's on, girl
Don't say no, no, no, no, no
Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
And we'll go, go, go, go, go
If you're ready, like I'm ready
'Cause it's a beautiful night
We're looking for something dumb to do
Hey baby
I think I wanna marry you
Is it the look in your eyes
Or is it this dancing juice?
Who cares, baby
I think I wanna marry you”
As he hit the last note, Ally zoomed back into reality and caught herself feeling dumbstruck.
"You know, that is the cheesiest thing that anyone has ever done for me? Singing to me on a public transport.. It's the sweetest thing ever!"
She looked at him right in the eyes and said those words. She knew she was smiling like a fool before him but she couldn't care less. He deserved to know every bit of happiness that he brought to her. Whatever that made her unhappy before, it was all in the past. She could no longer remember it. He was her best Secret Shifter.
Ally alighted from the bus and started walking away from the bus stop towards her home. His voice was going round and round her head. She had been at his place earlier on, for he had catch a cold and so she went with him to the doctors. It was amazing on how he could still sing brilliantly even though he was ill, and the best part was that she now had a recording of his singing on her phone. She thought back to the scene which took place a couple of hours back at his place, when he sang...
"Robert's got a quick hand.
He'll look around the room,
he won't tell you his plan.
He's got a rolled cigarette,
hanging out his mouth
he's a cowboy kid.
Yeah he found a six-shooter gun.
In his dad's closet hidden in a box of fun things,
and I don't even know what.
But he's coming for you,
yeah he's coming for you.
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks
You'd better run, better run, outrun my gun
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks
You'd better run, better run, faster than my bullet"
Ally had to force herself to take her eyes away from him and check on the recording. He had always sang for her through the phone and on Skype, but it's so different from what she is hearing now. He was himself when he sang, gorgeous and beautiful. He continued strumming the guitar as he sang the last notes of the song. She looked at his eyes, and realised that they were brown, a beautiful brown which she hasn't noticed before. She was taking in the details of his eyes, when her ears perked up. He was singing her song. An irresistible wide smile spread through her face.
"Every single time I go out with you, it feels good, really good. All because of Sophie.
Every single time I go out with you, it feels good, really good. Oh, because of Sophie."
He had changed the chorus of "Pumped Up Kicks" and thus made it her song.
Ally leaned forward, gave him a kiss, and for the first time ever, she whispered those words — words that could only best described what she felt at that moment. She saw the twinkle in his eyes after he had registered what she had said, and he grinned from ear to ear.
He held her hand in his, and told her while looking straight into her eyes. "I've never felt so happy ever before. Thank you. And I love you too."
"I'm home!" Ally greeted her parents and went straight to her room. She heard them saying something in reply and she nodded absent-mindedly without listening. She swung her room door shut, let her bag fall to the floor with a loud thud, and climbed into bed. Her mother would scream if she saw Ally in bed with her dirty clothes on. She laid in bed, dreaming in the dark, until a ringing broke the silence. She listened intently for the ringing tone. It was "Lucky". She smiled and reached for her phone.
"Hello!"
"Hey. Home yet?"
....
Tonight
Friday, April 20, 2012I am just done with typing a lengthy text to Serf and you just went to bed. Before tonight, you've been sleeping way past your bedtime (without my knowing) just to stay up with me and nag me to go to bed early. I think you've been the only guy who has ever been so extremely concerned about my bedtime.
It's ironical about how we said that we wouldn't Skype nor talk on the phone tonight as we didn't want to form the habit of having to chat every single night. However, as the hour hand creeped to 10 tonight, signalling the end of my tuition session with Jonathan, the feeling of longing surged all of a sudden and so as I proceeded on my way back home, I dug out my phone and tapped your name on my speed-dial. As like always, you rejected my call and I would wait for about a minute or two and your name would surface on the screen of my phone again and the tune of our song would be weaving its way through my ear canal, as you called me using your house phone.
We talked about everything and then again we talked about nothing. We sang songs together and cracked lame jokes. You listened as I rapped on about my thoughts and then you would laugh and comment that I'm thinking way too much, why do I always think so much and how do I even think so much. Although you aren't fond and don't quite approve of my deep thoughts, you have always been patient and attentive. Occasionally I would ask if it's okay for me to voice my thoughts even though I already knew your answer. Somehow with you, I made the habit to never assume, never expect, never take anything for granted. I make it a point to verbally make things clear. This is something that I have never done before and frankly, it wasn't as bad as I once thought it was. I guess people's opinion on minor and major things do change after all over the years.
It's ironical about how we said that we wouldn't Skype nor talk on the phone tonight as we didn't want to form the habit of having to chat every single night. However, as the hour hand creeped to 10 tonight, signalling the end of my tuition session with Jonathan, the feeling of longing surged all of a sudden and so as I proceeded on my way back home, I dug out my phone and tapped your name on my speed-dial. As like always, you rejected my call and I would wait for about a minute or two and your name would surface on the screen of my phone again and the tune of our song would be weaving its way through my ear canal, as you called me using your house phone.
We talked about everything and then again we talked about nothing. We sang songs together and cracked lame jokes. You listened as I rapped on about my thoughts and then you would laugh and comment that I'm thinking way too much, why do I always think so much and how do I even think so much. Although you aren't fond and don't quite approve of my deep thoughts, you have always been patient and attentive. Occasionally I would ask if it's okay for me to voice my thoughts even though I already knew your answer. Somehow with you, I made the habit to never assume, never expect, never take anything for granted. I make it a point to verbally make things clear. This is something that I have never done before and frankly, it wasn't as bad as I once thought it was. I guess people's opinion on minor and major things do change after all over the years.
Sky High
Monday, April 9, 2012“I don't need labels and I don't really care about them. All I want from you is to dote on me forever, ok? Can you do that?”
Ally couldn't tell if he knew how grateful she was to him for doting on her so much. His little actions touched her heart greater than any words that could be spoken/written. Her heart would take a tiny leap each time he doted on her. No one had ever doted on her before, for their pride was too great and too important than her. He, on the other hand, looked upon her as though she was his prized possession. In return, she regarded him in the same way too.
"So what do you wanna do next? Go somewhere else or play another game of bowling?" Her sister asked.
"Hmmm.. Another game of bowling."
"Do you wanna ask him for his opinion?"
He had his arms wrapped around her. She could feel him breathing by his ears. Without even turning around to seek his opinion like how Ally's sister had suggested, she voiced her reply.
"No, it's okay. He'll agree to whatever I say. I can call the shots."
Her sister's beau and him chuckled at her reply, whereas her sister rolled her eyes. Ally wasn't being arrogant nor smug, she was confident — confident that his thoughts were the same as hers and that they were standing on the same line together now and will always be. With him, she had never felt inferior and neither had he ever done anything to show her that he has to be superior one. It warmed Ally's heart to know that there are still #11 guys from Mars still existing in this world, and she was grateful to have found one of them.
***
Ally laid in bed that night, extracting the memories that she had carefully stored in her mind... All his little actions that were filled to the brim with his doting for her.
After the game ended, she hadn't had to put back herself the bowling ball she had used, for she knew he would do it and he would definitely have not allowed her to do so herself.
She stood at one side, waiting for him as he changed out of his bowling shoes. In one of her hands, she held her own bowling shoes, ready to return them back. When he was done, he stood up then bent down again, reaching for the bowling shoes that she held in her hands, she handed them over to him without a struggle. She knew that it would have been pointless anyway. Besides, why should she when she enjoyed being pampered by him?
At Kim's Family Korean restaurant, he asked (out of the blue) from the waiter for a flask of warm water. She was sitting across him, and flashed him a puzzled look.
"It's for you. I don't want you drinking any cold water while you're still sick."
She gave a slight pout, not to show her displeasure but for entertainment sake. He took notice of something which she hadn't bother to even care about herself. Her heart gave another tiny leap. Throughout their meal, she would occasionally attempt to get some cold water just so as to get his attention and have him showering her with his care. When she saw him scrunching up his face or widening his eyes in disapproval when he saw her being disobedient, she felt her heart stir.
He cares, that's all she needs. He dotes on her, that's all she wants.
"Anyway, while I was walking back I was thinking.. It doesn't matter to know whether you know why you like me. I don't either. I guess we just do. Like is just feelings. So I take my words back; it's neither good nor bad, it's just okay. A positive okay. (:
But but.. It's important to know why we fall in love each other (that is when we eventually do)
I'm sorry for overreacting earlier on. I'm completely clueless as to how the whole thing works. Things that I know now is due to research and reading of reports, websites, books and articles done over the last 2 years and umm.. 3 months? 😁
I never knew any of this in the past. I don't even think anyone close to me really does either as the word 'love' is bantered around so easily in our modern era. I doubt anyone close to me even know the difference between "like" and "love". To most, it's just the same thing. In case you're wondering, I did a research on it. Yes I know, geeky me. I'm not sure how much of what I've researched is applicable but I guess it's better than trying to figure a way out in a fog without a single plan nor destination in mind.
The beginning of this with you is entirely new to me. I think of as like.. first-time lovers. Clueless but full of determination.
Alright this is getting extremely lengthy and my thoughts are in bits and pieces that I can't seem to extract out properly so I'm gonna stop her. And you lazy bumbum. How come from 10 mins run become take cab?! Tsk tsk!"
But but.. It's important to know why we fall in love each other (that is when we eventually do)
I'm sorry for overreacting earlier on. I'm completely clueless as to how the whole thing works. Things that I know now is due to research and reading of reports, websites, books and articles done over the last 2 years and umm.. 3 months? 😁
I never knew any of this in the past. I don't even think anyone close to me really does either as the word 'love' is bantered around so easily in our modern era. I doubt anyone close to me even know the difference between "like" and "love". To most, it's just the same thing. In case you're wondering, I did a research on it. Yes I know, geeky me. I'm not sure how much of what I've researched is applicable but I guess it's better than trying to figure a way out in a fog without a single plan nor destination in mind.
The beginning of this with you is entirely new to me. I think of as like.. first-time lovers. Clueless but full of determination.
Alright this is getting extremely lengthy and my thoughts are in bits and pieces that I can't seem to extract out properly so I'm gonna stop her. And you lazy bumbum. How come from 10 mins run become take cab?! Tsk tsk!"
Sparks Fly
Sunday, April 8, 2012“I run my fingers through your hair and watch the lights go wild. Just keep on keeping your eyes on me, it's just wrong enough to make it feel right. Lead me up the staircase, won't you whisper soft and slow? I'm captivated by you, baby, like a firework show.
Drop everything now. Meet me in the pouring rain, kiss me on the sidewalk, take away the pain. 'Cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile.
Get me with those green eyes, baby, as the lights go down. Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around. 'Cause I see sparks fly whenever you... smile”.
As Ally worked her way around in the kitchen, she moved with the beats of the song. She looked at the clock, 14:00. She had approximately 90 minutes to get all the food prepared, cooked and stored, 45 minutes to get ready and 15 minutes to grab whatever she needed. Egg sandwiches, leek dumplings, chicken nuggets, sausages and home-made konniyaku jelly. She hoped it was enough for him.
***
“I remember the times we spent together on those drives, we had a million questions all about our lives, and when we got to New York, everything felt right... I wish you were here with me, tonight.”
“I am.”
“What?”
“I am here with you now and I'll still be here with you tonight.” Ally felt her cheeks becoming a little warmer than usual.
It was a Saturday. Their initial plan was to go drinking with their friends that night, however Ally had fallen ill all of a sudden. So instead of having liquor coursing through her system, she suggested for the two of them to walk to a park from her house and they would watch the sun set. Unfortunately, the skies weren't in their favour. It was raining too much and there were way too many clouds. Nonetheless they still made their way to the park.
Ally couldn't forget the warmth that stirred in her after they got splashed by an oncoming car who drove through a small pool of water on the road without slowing down and it got them wet, he moved towards the outside of the pavement near the curb of the road.
“What are you doing?”
“Keeping you dry? If the next car does that again, I'll be the one getting wet, not you.” Ally chuckled lightly. He was unbelievably caring and adorable.
***
Most of the shelters were already occupied, so they hadn't had a choice but to share one with another couple. They sat on the other side of the hut and it was as though an invisible line was drawn, separating the shelter as though it was two worlds apart.
Ally pulled out the Tupperwares that she had brought. She saw eagerness dancing in his eyes. He hadn't known that she would be preparing food, and much less what she had prepared. She opened the first one, which contained egg sandwiches. As he bit into it, she couldn't help but stare at him. Thoughts were racing through her mind : How does it taste like to him? Is it nice? Does he like it? Is it too tasteless or too salty?
Next she pulled out the second container which contained all the finger food which she had cooked and lastly the box of jellies. Frankly, it was the first time that she had ever cooked and packed food and brought it out to a park to eat with anyone. The closest that there ever was was when her bestfriend had decided to go to the beach to relax and clear his mind and then decided to have a mini picnic by bringing a straw mat along with some sushi that he had bought before meeting her.
He finished all the food. She could hear her little angel talking to her again, stating the very obvious.. "He finished the food!!!!"
***
They spent the rest of the evening just sitting close together on the wooden bench provided, talking, hearing the sound of nature around them, feeling at peace and caught a glimpse of the sun turning pink as it made its way to bring life to the other side of the world.
The day was theirs. That moment was theirs. That time was theirs. Everything froze, or at least they wished it would...
There is always a first time for everything
Thursday, April 5, 2012Strawberries. That was what Ally was hoping to smell like tonight. She had deliberately showered with her favourite strawberry shower gel and and sprayed on her favourite strawberry perfume. She wanted to smell like strawberries for him. She giggled at that notion.
Just then, the vibrations emitted by her phone caused a loud buzzing sound against her oak table. Her heart skipped a beat. She wasn't quite done yet. She started throwing her essentials into a bag, swiftly grabbed the bag off the floor of her room, and left her house hurriedly.
"I think he will be the one to help you kick your tardy habit." said her little guardian angel.
Ally thought just about the same thing. Ally on time? That would be an incredibly rare occurrence.
She stepped out of the elevator as it hit the ground floor, pulled out her earphones and the song "lucky" began streaming into her ears. A flashback crossed her mind — it was when they sang this song together. Seeing that there was no one around her at that moment, she relaxed a little and allowed the smile that she had been resisting to crawl into her face.
The clock on her phone showed "18:55".
***
Ally plopped into her bed the minute she got home and stared blankly at the white ceiling above her. She knew that there was something that she had to do but it could wait for another minute. All she wanted now was to pause for a moment and let all her emotions rip through her. She wanted that moment to last. Just for that minute. It was quiet. She saw the images that she had cautiously preserved earlier on, being played on the white ceiling which now served as the screen for a show that only she could see. The scenes of their first date danced before her eyes. In the darkness of her room, she smiled.
She heard the buzz of her phone in the distance and clambered out of her bed quickly, falling onto the floor and slid towards where her bag was. She dug around inside it for a couple of seconds, found her phone and looked at the screen. Her smile grew wider, the thought in her head had been confirmed. Ally tapped on her phone lightly at a fairly rapid speed, and as she hit "send", she could hear the buzzing of a phone from someone who was sitting in a cab at that moment, see him give a small sigh of relief and the smile that would creep upon his face.
There is this squeaky voice in my head
Wednesday, April 4, 2012"Btw did you take your breakfast?"
"Umm.. No? >.<"
"Please go have your lunch later."
"Kk I will!"
Ally could feel her head swirling. There was too much joy going about for her to properly digest all of it. And there is that voice in her head, her make-believe mischievous little guardian angel taunting her.. "See see!!! I told you so!! He cares about you!!! Yay!!!!"
She couldn't help agreeing with her guardian angel. He does care. And care is something that she has always been the one giving and hardly ever receiving.
Ally looked out of the train window and stared dazily at the endless scene before her. He cares... She felt a warmth stir in her chest. She liked that warmth, and she could get use to it but she knows that she shouldn't, for it might cause her to become complacent. She wants to be appreciative for every time that he showers her with that mysterious joy-inducing thing. Just like how she says her thank-you(s) every night before she sleeps, and every day when she wakes up. And for the past few days, he has been on her gratitude list.
Wielding her powers that the universe has generously gifted to her, she looked up at the sky and knows that things are about to get a whole lot better and this time, it's gonna be permanent. She smiled.
Now.. About that lunch...
The blistering sun shone its rays down upon her. Most would have grumbled about it, moaned about it, and even get frustrated about it; but not Ally. She loved the sun. When her world was cold and dark, it was the only thing that warmed her heart and gave light to her eyes.
Her mother had nagged her to grab an umbrella before she left the house, but Ally liked it just like that. A nice brief walk under the sun with the trees that lined the pavement shading her occasionally. She took a deep breath, and wished that the air was purely filled with oxygen rather than this mixture of oxygen, carbon dioxide and carbon monoxide. This city that she lived in, it gave her life but she can't deny that it's moving at a pace too fast for anyone to enjoy a single moment of the life that has been given them.
As she continued on with her stroll, her phone buzzed softly. She smiled, as a name crossed her mind. Cautiously she pulled out her phone, her smile grew wider. A breeze blew at her, she looked straight up and the flashbacks began playing in her mind...
"I would like a scoop of 'Cookies & Cream' please." Ally looked up from her menu.
"Cup or cone, sir?"
"Cup, please. Thank you."
He turned back from facing the waitress to facing her again, Ally blinked a couple of times before she ducked her head down and pretended to read the menu as she tried to hide the blush that was creeping into her cheeks. Her thoughts were screaming at her, "HE ORDERED COOKIES & CREAM!!!!!!". She tried to silence them but they fought hard, refusing to back down easily.
"What about you miss? What would you like?" Ally looked up at the waitress, and then at him. He stared straight at her. Both the waitress and him were waiting for her to place her order.
"Uh.. I'll have a chocolate fondue, for one? And for my ice-cream, I would like 'Cookies & Cream' and 'Rum & Raisin' please. Thank you." She closed her menu and gave it back to the waitress who quickly jotted down Ally's order and then made her way towards the kitchen.
Ally looked at him. "He ordered 'Cookies & Cream...."
Ally reached a T-junction that had no traffic light, and so she came to a stop. She turned behind towards her right to look for oncoming traffic that might be turning in, there was none. She looked towards her left for traffic that might be leaving, there was none. Hastily, she made her way across the road and gave a sigh of relief when both her feet landed on the safety zone at the other side of the road. Crossing roads... they always made hold her breath. What was she thinking about previously? Oh right... Him. A slight smile played on her face.
Ally laid in her bed, thinking about the songs that she had sang a few hours back. She was glad that her vocals were improving. Her teacher would be pleased. She was due to perform in a couple of weeks. Knowing the importance of that performance and the idea that she had planted into it, no matter whether it would work or not, she can't afford to screw it up. Out of the blue, a part of a song cane into her mind...
"我爱你 你是我的茱丽叶
我愿意变成你的梁山伯
幸福的每一天 浪漫的每一夜
把爱 永远 不放开
I LOVE YOU ...
我爱你 你是我的罗蜜欧
我愿意变成你的祝英台
幸福的每一天 浪漫的每一夜
美丽的爱情祝福著未来 ..."
That perfect harmony of two voices.. It was something that she had only seen others do, heard others sang. She had never experienced it before and wow, it was great. The tones and the pitches.. It was going through her mind again and again, blowing her away with each round that it made.
In the darkness of her room, she knew she was feeling happy as she felt that the sides of her lips were turned upwards.
Ally was reaching her destination soon. Deep inside her, she dreaded it a little. One and a half hour with that little wretch... It's barely bearable, and who knows what the kid would be up to today? She gave a small sigh. Putting on her best front and her best foot forward, she thought of the money that she'll be getting.
"Fighting!" she told herself.
Her phone buzzed softly again. And besides, what's there to be afraid of today? She had him with her. Her silly albino cookie monster.
She chuckled softly, saw that there was someone sitting on a bench infront of her, shook her head quickly and slightly, biting her tongue at the same time, as she tried to shake the laughter bug out of her system. She walked swiftly towards the lift, gave a silent prayer of thanks as it was already waiting for her on the ground floor. She went inside the lift and thus was hidden from the view of the stranger, she let go of her tongue. While the lift doors were closing, she knew that her attempt in pushing him out of her mind had failed as she could not resist grinning...
Finding comfort within loneliness
Sunday, March 25, 2012Ally walked aimlessly around the shopping mall, with her earphones stuck in her ears, blasting her own songs. She had confidence in her disguise — no one would recognise her. When was the last time that she had experienced such freedom? Then again, why does this "freedom" feel so different now? Is this freedom or loneliness? She couldn't tell the difference between the two.
She walked past several retail outlets, walked into a couple of them but came out still with empty hands. Was it that she had lost her hobby of shopping, or that she just isn't in the mood to shop? Is there even such a thing as a 'shopping' mood? She couldn't figure out the answer. She continued walking. Then she remembered, there is an ice-cream parlor here... Ice-cream, the only other thing than music that would ease her soul. Slowly, she made her way towards it.
She reached the parlor, asked for a seat for one, walked in and went towards a silent corner of the cafe. She stared at the menu and placed an order for a Steak and Mushroom pie and an English Breakfast Tea. As she sat there waiting for her order to arrive, she wondered... Whatever happened to my initial decision to have ice-cream? She chuckled silently at her fickle mind. A waiter interrupted her thoughts.
"Excuse me Miss, but we've ran out of Steak and Mushroom Pie. Would the Classic Chicken do?"
She hesitated for awhile and then nodded her head. All she wanted was some quiet time alone. She wanted to cherish every minute of this while it still lasted. She didn't want to remember how everything will come to an end when it was time for her to revert back to her actual life.. of what laid ahead waiting for her. Yes, it is glorious but tiring as well. Nonetheless, it was a path that she had chosen herself. One which she will never regret.
Once again, the waiter interrupted her thoughts as she placed Ally's order on the circular table infront of her. The waiter gave Ally a slight smile before making her way back to the kitchen counter.
Ally ran her hands through the packets of sugar arranged in a delicate straw-weaved basket placed before her, reached for a packet of brown sugar, tore one of its corners and watched as the golden crystals glistened before they disappeared beneath the pool of amber.
Turtles
Monday, March 12, 2012I promise that I will sleep early tonight. In fact, I will go to bed right after I am done with this entry. I have been blogging excessively lately. Good for you peeps, I suppose.
I went for a wedding dinner tonight (let's just pretend that it is still the 12th of March) and on my way back from Mandarin Oriental Hotel, my dad told us a story. It goes like this:
By the way, the house was a beautiful one. Most houses could only afford concrete floors during the 20th century, however my grandfather's house had tiled floors and tiled walls. Yes, we were very well-to-do. To fully describe and explain what happened to all that money would be a lengthy tale, thus I will summarise it up into a few sentences: my grandfather is a man with a kind soul, ready to do anything for people and hence he was always taken advantage of, even by his closest kins -- his brothers.
Back to the main context of this entry, my dad's story. As my dad finished telling his tale, he gave my sister and I a piece of good advice: The nature of a human can never be changed, thus if you have been bitten once, do not be stupid enough to fall for the same trap twice. Stay away from people whom you know will never do you any good. They aren't worth knowing and definitely not worth acquainting.
In this scenario, my dad was referring to my granduncles. Yes they are that bad. They were horrible to my grandfather. They often made use of him. Out of respect for my elders, I will not use any improper words to adequately describe them. However for those who know me very well, you might probably be able to guess all the words that I would have been spouting out loud. *AHEM!*
I hate people who hurt me deliberately. If you do it once, I will take it as a non-offensive mistake made. If you do it twice, thrice and a couple more times, it is needless to point out that you are a repeat offender. One who is bound to do me no good.
Liars... they are often the sort of people who would hurt others repeatedly. They create more lies for their lies, oh and wait, there is something interesting about those newly lies created! They aren't called "lies". They have a very fancy term. Wanna guess what it is? Yeap, the word is "excuses". Omission of truth is considered as a form of lie as well. Lying is when you are not frank. People make it seem like a very complicated issue, however we all know.. it is as simple as abc. *inserts smiley face*
2 days ago, I decided to review my past entries in my private blog. The blog was created during the timing when my past relationship was in a major jeopardy. It was created to dictate my thoughts and to aid myself in retaining my sanity while dealing with all the trash that was happening. For the past nights, I would read as much as my brain could deal with. In total for the past 2 nights, I read a total of... 5 entries. Yes, it is that minimal. There were too much memorial and emotional recollection to handle. Point-to-note: I have decided to stop the reviewing. It got too painful. Remembering all those things... it felt strange. I was viewing not as someone who went through it, but rather from the eyes of a third party. I'm assuming that my brain went into defensive mode and through these past 2 years, it has adequately proven its services well by blocking those painful memories out. Thus I feel like someone who has gotten through amnesia, and reading those past entries is like jabbing a needle into my brain.
Anyway, why am I bringing this up? That is because I came across something very interesting in one of my readings... Towards the second half of my past relationship, my ex-boyfriend often left out details of his day-to-day life in our almost-daily phone conversations. I had to question those details out of him. I know what is on your mind now, I'm an annoying, bitchy, irritating, have-nothing-better-to-do-or-ask girlfriend. I am probably that. I am not going to deny it. However from the stance of a girlfriend, would you not be curious to find out what your boyfriend did today? He wasn't like that during our first year together. He would share every little details of his life. From his classmates buying a large pack of condoms from the supermarket, blowing them up and send them flying down from a few levels up as though they were balloons, to minute issues like how his mom forced him to eat his vegetables during dinner that night. Eventually, I got tired of questioning him all the time so I asked him, "Why aren't you filling me in with the details of your life anymore?" His reply? "Because I think that they are not necessary or important for you to know."
Honestly, ouch! How did I respond to that hurting answer? "Oh.. okay." *slaps palm into face* I guess I can't be blamed for my response. I wasn't expecting that sort of answer and much less prepared for it. I had never come across anything like that before (back then) and I hadn't think of googling for advices or just simply more love manuals... I was doing everything by instinct. Which is pretty dumb. Please my darlings, it is not stupid to go to your nearest bookstore and buy a love-for-dummies book or any self-improvement books. It does not mean that you are psychotic or pathetic or weird or nerdy or geeky, if you do so. Those books exist for a reason and they really do help. The more points of view, the better it is for you. It is like reading other people's experiences and absorbing them as your own. It is a much better alternative as compared to having to undergo it yourself. Besides, another benefit is that you get to gain those experiences in less than a tenth of the time taken as compared to if you were to undergo it. So be smart, for your own good!
Now enough with my nagging. It should never be that case for anyone in a relationship. Nothing should be "not necessary or important for you to know". When you love someone, you share everything with them. Not because you need to, but because you should want to. Your life no longer comprises only you when you decide to invite someone else into it. Two people are now leading your life, therefore you are required to constantly take the other party into consideration, every minor choice made should be discussed, every mediocre event that took place should be shared. Yes, a relationship is a hassle. Do you know it only now?
We live in an era where relationships have been less emphasised upon as before. I have a cousin, she had her first boyfriend when she was merely 11 years old, and the relationship didn't last for just a month or two, it went on for almost about a year. Just look at that! Some of us here have never even been in a relationship before! What is becoming of us humans now? Earlier on today, I was raging to one of you on how I find it an amazement as to how people can switch boyfriends/girlfriends so easily. Do we not have a heart anymore? Or is it that we have all become robots? What is love? How many of you know dare say that you know it? I will be the first to step out front and say that I do not know what love is.
I once said that I know what love is, and I hope for all the other girls out there in the world to be able to experience that incredible sensation. I take all of those words back. Is love just about that sensation? Have we taken that L-word too lightly? How many of us are even able to fully comprehend its dictionary-definition? Just because your heart thumps like crazy when you meet someone, the sides of your lips cannot help being pulled upwards when you see someone, your eyes become binoculars-like when that someone is within your radar, blood stops flowing to your mind when you know that someone is looking in your direction... from the deepest end of my heart, I must say this: do you know that you seem like a fool? (rolls eyes) I suppose that is a needless thing to say since in this modern era, how is it that we judge ourselves as being in love? Because we act like fools. Do you not think that the criterion isa little too unsubstantial? It is not a wonder why we have high divorce rates in our century. Perhaps some of you might say, no! We have high divorce rates because women are now literate and liberalised, we know to not put ourselves in dis-favourable conditions and much less succumb to anything less than what we rightfully deserve which is in other words -- happiness. However if you were to think back.. if we all knew what love is, what the standards are, what the criterion is, would we even come up with the term "divorce"? Then again for those to exist (ie. the understanding of love, the standards of love, the criterion of love) we would all have failed to exist as the human race would have long been extinct. As the saying goes, "Love is to constantly seek for the best but never getting it. Marriage is to settle for what seems to be good."
I can go on and on with this mental debate of mine, but it would mean that I will possibly over-exert my brain for the second consecutive night which would lead to a sleepless night full of weird dreams and sights, and that tomorrow morning I would feel as though I am given access to a greater percentage of my brain and the extra mind-power generated is more than I can possibly manage. I wouldn't want to turn into a lunatic, would I? Although it would be pretty cool if I had telekinetic powers... heehee! Just saying! Also, I would be breaking my promise to turn in early tonight (if you remember, I stated it at the start of this entry).
Because this blog has been badly deprived of any pictures for the past few months, I shall be a darling and throw in some colours this time.
So true...
I went for a wedding dinner tonight (let's just pretend that it is still the 12th of March) and on my way back from Mandarin Oriental Hotel, my dad told us a story. It goes like this:
Back in the old days, my grandfather (ie. my dad's dad) used to rear baby turtles for sales. It was still legal then. My grandfather's 2nd elder brother (whom in other words, is my granduncle) would import turtle eggs from Taiwan, pass them to my grandfather and told him to rear them. He did not give my grandfather any money to rear the eggs, so all the food and housing supplies were all paid for by my grandfather. When the eggs hatched, each baby turtle was sold for S$3 (which was a lot back then as the Singapore currency was still cheap then). My grandfather earned tens of thousands of dollars from his sales. For some unknown reason why, instead of opening a bank account of his own to store the money, my grandfather passed the money to my granduncle and told him to help store it in his bank account first. Some time passed, my grandfather decided to move house and needed money to build a house at the land that he had purchased. He went to my granduncle to retrieve his money back. Well, all of you can probably guessed what happened next: my grandfather didn't get his money back, my granduncle had spent it all. Therefore to build the house, my grandfather had to borrow money from his mother-in-law.
By the way, the house was a beautiful one. Most houses could only afford concrete floors during the 20th century, however my grandfather's house had tiled floors and tiled walls. Yes, we were very well-to-do. To fully describe and explain what happened to all that money would be a lengthy tale, thus I will summarise it up into a few sentences: my grandfather is a man with a kind soul, ready to do anything for people and hence he was always taken advantage of, even by his closest kins -- his brothers.
Back to the main context of this entry, my dad's story. As my dad finished telling his tale, he gave my sister and I a piece of good advice: The nature of a human can never be changed, thus if you have been bitten once, do not be stupid enough to fall for the same trap twice. Stay away from people whom you know will never do you any good. They aren't worth knowing and definitely not worth acquainting.
In this scenario, my dad was referring to my granduncles. Yes they are that bad. They were horrible to my grandfather. They often made use of him. Out of respect for my elders, I will not use any improper words to adequately describe them. However for those who know me very well, you might probably be able to guess all the words that I would have been spouting out loud. *AHEM!*
I hate people who hurt me deliberately. If you do it once, I will take it as a non-offensive mistake made. If you do it twice, thrice and a couple more times, it is needless to point out that you are a repeat offender. One who is bound to do me no good.
Liars... they are often the sort of people who would hurt others repeatedly. They create more lies for their lies, oh and wait, there is something interesting about those newly lies created! They aren't called "lies". They have a very fancy term. Wanna guess what it is? Yeap, the word is "excuses". Omission of truth is considered as a form of lie as well. Lying is when you are not frank. People make it seem like a very complicated issue, however we all know.. it is as simple as abc. *inserts smiley face*
2 days ago, I decided to review my past entries in my private blog. The blog was created during the timing when my past relationship was in a major jeopardy. It was created to dictate my thoughts and to aid myself in retaining my sanity while dealing with all the trash that was happening. For the past nights, I would read as much as my brain could deal with. In total for the past 2 nights, I read a total of... 5 entries. Yes, it is that minimal. There were too much memorial and emotional recollection to handle. Point-to-note: I have decided to stop the reviewing. It got too painful. Remembering all those things... it felt strange. I was viewing not as someone who went through it, but rather from the eyes of a third party. I'm assuming that my brain went into defensive mode and through these past 2 years, it has adequately proven its services well by blocking those painful memories out. Thus I feel like someone who has gotten through amnesia, and reading those past entries is like jabbing a needle into my brain.
Anyway, why am I bringing this up? That is because I came across something very interesting in one of my readings... Towards the second half of my past relationship, my ex-boyfriend often left out details of his day-to-day life in our almost-daily phone conversations. I had to question those details out of him. I know what is on your mind now, I'm an annoying, bitchy, irritating, have-nothing-better-to-do-or-ask girlfriend. I am probably that. I am not going to deny it. However from the stance of a girlfriend, would you not be curious to find out what your boyfriend did today? He wasn't like that during our first year together. He would share every little details of his life. From his classmates buying a large pack of condoms from the supermarket, blowing them up and send them flying down from a few levels up as though they were balloons, to minute issues like how his mom forced him to eat his vegetables during dinner that night. Eventually, I got tired of questioning him all the time so I asked him, "Why aren't you filling me in with the details of your life anymore?" His reply? "Because I think that they are not necessary or important for you to know."
Honestly, ouch! How did I respond to that hurting answer? "Oh.. okay." *slaps palm into face* I guess I can't be blamed for my response. I wasn't expecting that sort of answer and much less prepared for it. I had never come across anything like that before (back then) and I hadn't think of googling for advices or just simply more love manuals... I was doing everything by instinct. Which is pretty dumb. Please my darlings, it is not stupid to go to your nearest bookstore and buy a love-for-dummies book or any self-improvement books. It does not mean that you are psychotic or pathetic or weird or nerdy or geeky, if you do so. Those books exist for a reason and they really do help. The more points of view, the better it is for you. It is like reading other people's experiences and absorbing them as your own. It is a much better alternative as compared to having to undergo it yourself. Besides, another benefit is that you get to gain those experiences in less than a tenth of the time taken as compared to if you were to undergo it. So be smart, for your own good!
Now enough with my nagging. It should never be that case for anyone in a relationship. Nothing should be "not necessary or important for you to know". When you love someone, you share everything with them. Not because you need to, but because you should want to. Your life no longer comprises only you when you decide to invite someone else into it. Two people are now leading your life, therefore you are required to constantly take the other party into consideration, every minor choice made should be discussed, every mediocre event that took place should be shared. Yes, a relationship is a hassle. Do you know it only now?
We live in an era where relationships have been less emphasised upon as before. I have a cousin, she had her first boyfriend when she was merely 11 years old, and the relationship didn't last for just a month or two, it went on for almost about a year. Just look at that! Some of us here have never even been in a relationship before! What is becoming of us humans now? Earlier on today, I was raging to one of you on how I find it an amazement as to how people can switch boyfriends/girlfriends so easily. Do we not have a heart anymore? Or is it that we have all become robots? What is love? How many of you know dare say that you know it? I will be the first to step out front and say that I do not know what love is.
I once said that I know what love is, and I hope for all the other girls out there in the world to be able to experience that incredible sensation. I take all of those words back. Is love just about that sensation? Have we taken that L-word too lightly? How many of us are even able to fully comprehend its dictionary-definition? Just because your heart thumps like crazy when you meet someone, the sides of your lips cannot help being pulled upwards when you see someone, your eyes become binoculars-like when that someone is within your radar, blood stops flowing to your mind when you know that someone is looking in your direction... from the deepest end of my heart, I must say this: do you know that you seem like a fool? (rolls eyes) I suppose that is a needless thing to say since in this modern era, how is it that we judge ourselves as being in love? Because we act like fools. Do you not think that the criterion is
I can go on and on with this mental debate of mine, but it would mean that I will possibly over-exert my brain for the second consecutive night which would lead to a sleepless night full of weird dreams and sights, and that tomorrow morning I would feel as though I am given access to a greater percentage of my brain and the extra mind-power generated is more than I can possibly manage. I wouldn't want to turn into a lunatic, would I? Although it would be pretty cool if I had telekinetic powers... heehee! Just saying! Also, I would be breaking my promise to turn in early tonight (if you remember, I stated it at the start of this entry).
Because this blog has been badly deprived of any pictures for the past few months, I shall be a darling and throw in some colours this time.
So true...
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