pearlie.
thanks for that email.
i really felt better.
much much better.
yes, at times, i did badmouth bout you. =X
but it's only because i'm jealous about you too.
you had everything i ever wanted.
well mostly everything. [ excluding my dear! dont you snatch him from me! ]
you had the intelligence i wanted,
you had the beauty inner and out,
you had the popularity,
you had the status prefect, [ i once considered being a prefect alot, but seeing you and sinhui suffering because you 2 were prefects changed my mind. it told me how horrid being a prefect was. ]
you had the highest ranking in guides,
you had the guy i ONCE wanted. [ dear dont get jealous. ONCE WANTED!! ]
you were the favorite of teachers,
you just practically had everything i wanted.
i've got to admit that we've not been very fair with just other.
we've been listening to what others say us,
but we havent been listening to what we really want to tell each other.
i want to let you know,
i've never regretted joining guides,
because it's the reason i got to know you.
for 4 years, ever since i knew you,
you were the one topping my list of best friends.
whenever i feel really sad,
when i wanted to tell someone things to,
you'd always appear in my mind first.
but i knew how busy you were and that,
you had your own personal problems to settle as well.
i simply couldnt bear to trouble you.
i've seen you suffering under all the pressure given by everyone.
i dont want to be part of the cause of you breaking down.
it really breaks my heart when i see you that way.
especially when you refused to tell me what happened and why you were that sad.
it's like you couldnt trust me anymore.
couldnt believe in me anymore.
it seemed to me that you had closed your doors upon me,
refusing me entry.
so all i could do was stand outside,
waiting for you to open up again.
do you rmb the 2007 guides camp last year?
do you rmb what happened on the second night?
well, after making sure that amanda didnt let her tastebud ruin the barley drink.
i rushed up to find you again.
but you werent there anymore.
no one knew where you went.
you didnt take a flashlight or whistle along with you.
i really feared for your safety.
i called you so many times but you refused to answer my call.
i rmb the rest calling me crazy when i took my cup,
filled it with the barley drink,
and went around looking for you with it.
i knew you hadnt been eating much since camp started.
i was worried that by the time i found you,
the drink might have gone cold.
but thank heaven,
you finally answered my call,
and we ended up walking towards each other without knowing.
you didnt know how i felt at that point of time did you?
it was a really blissful moment for me,
because it's been a really very long time,
since i last felt this close to you girl.
do you rmb only the 2 of us going for a second buddy hike walk?
in the middle of the night at 3am?
and we still walked from the ending to the start,
even though it was strictly prohibited.
it was pitch dark..
to be frank,
i was really afraid,
i was shivering non-stop.
but knowing that you were there right beside walking with me,
was what kept me going on.
finally, we finished walking.
though both of us were completely exhausted,
but walking the buddy hike together,
especially the fact that we walked from the ending to the start,
was really enjoyable for me.
it was really a memorable night girl.
we stayed up till 5am.
finally, i couldnt take it any longer because i was ill as well.
i dragged my sleeping bag into the guide den and slept there,
while you stayed awake all the way till the next day.
you saw how tired i was.
you took the initiative to do my duty.
you woke the juniors.
you made the breakfast.
you did everything that i was supposed to be doing.
while you were doing everything for me,
i was away in guide den, sleeping soundly all the way till 7++
i really must thank you girl.
thanks to those few extra hours of rest,
i was feeling much better.
i had been suffering from the illness since the first day of camp,
when i got drenched.
i was running on a high fever, had flu and i kept wanting to puke.
but thanks to you,
i felt less worst than before. thank you girl.
everyone have a limit to their patience.
even i have one myself. and i'm about to lose my patience soon.
that idiot didnt even tell me what time we are meeting each other and where.
and to think today is our 1st month anniversary.
he's either sleeping or zakuming.
anyway, i still want to kill him.
back to the point.
girl, dont worry so much.
you settle your things first kay?
i'll be fine.
besides, i still have my music and my diary with me.
the worst come to the worst,
is that i'll completely shut myself up.
ignore everyone.
feel like i'm about to burst open.
cry myself to sleep every night.
think pessimistic.
undergo a complete personality change.
and wait till i'm feeling much better before facing the real world again.
it has happened before. and it worked pretty well for me.
i did feel much better. i really did.
but the idea of storing everything in me hadnt really worked out well.
occassionally, some of the things still haunt me.
but i treat it as a gentle reminder not to make the same mistake again.
so dont fret for me.
when i need you,
i will call you. i promise i will.
you take care girl.
i dont want to see you breaking down anymore.
just as much as you dont want to see me breaking down.
though i seriously doubt you havent seen me break down before.
only one person did. and he's the first one.
bahh! it's the past. what am i thinking?
well, i need to go bathe already.
going to the library to study.
take care of yourself girl.
love you lots! ♥
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