Fall is coming!

I need to stop being so sloppy and get back in the swing of fashion. I dress like an auntie nowadays. So horrible. I blame it on all the cheapo clothes that I've bought from the fleas at NYP and online. Seldom is the material good and mostly, the cutting sucksssssss.

I should have known better. I can never pull shitty cutting off. It's the reason why I insisted on validating all my clothes personally before I purchased them in the past. I need to give myself two tight slaps in the face and be more diligent in keeping up my fashion front. Those days filled with heels, blazers and hats. So glorious.

Those days are returning. I went with Rod to RWS today. My boy is sleeping happily on a king-size bed now whereas I'm home in my super-single size bed. Talk about fairness. We bought a deal which comprised of a night at Festive Hotel, in-room dining and tickets to Maritime Experiential Museum. It cost around $200++? I can't really remember. My mother insisted that I come home to sleep so okay, that explains why I'm home now. My boy deserves a great luxurious rest anyway. School + Work.. AND ME, I'm sure it tires him out like crazy (Awww...)

I wore a purple tank top, tucked into a navy blue bandage skirt. Had a red bra on which peeped through the rather thin material of my purple tank top, revealing just enough so that it isn't far too much. I topped everything off with a white blazer, the necklace he bought me, my usual accessories (bead bracelets and earstuds) and a leather bracelet too. Chose a pair of brown boots which I bought from my trip to Taiwan last year, to match my outfit.

However that outfit didn't last long... because I hadn't worn the brown boots in a long time, the sole isn't sticking to the base of the shoe anymore :( gotta send it to the cobbler to be fixed! Had to drop by Tampines to get a pair of cobalt blue flat pumps because I doubt my boots would last the whole day. Rod was more than happy to see me switch to a lower pair of shoes *roll eyes*

Ah well... I'm planning to dress a little more casual tmr. Everyone in the hotel seemed less dressed up as compared to how I was. Probably because it's a hotel aka their "home away from home". So who really dresses up at home?

Smart but casual. The good days are coming back and I have to deck myself out in autumn colours.

I have no idea on what I should do with the pile of crappy clothing hidden in my wardrobe. They are so sucky that you wouldn't even believe it. I swear I'll never buy anything o line ever ever again, other than polishes aside. Save all the money up for Top Shop, Zara, H&M and all the other proper stores in Singapore. I don't care about how much more money I can save by shopping online. Just give me clothes that will fit me well and make me feel beautiful instead of atrocious. I'll pay whatever that is necessary.

I'll admit, I'm no budget barbie. And I don't wish to be one. Better fitting clothes! Urrgh!!!!

What's my calling?

Met Xian Yao for dinner today (yesterday). We ate at Orchard Ion's Burger King then moved on to some high-end café called Antoinette at Mandarin Gallery where we had hot chocolate and ice-cream.

The hot chocolate was very very very creamy. As like how I described to him, it's like having a chocolate bar but in liquid form. He laughed. I'm not sure if the laughter was because of what I said, or whatever else that is on his mind.

He is one of the people I know whose mind I cannot read because it is constantly fluttering from one subject to another, even though we were once very close. I guess too much has happened and even though I do try to get close to him again — to get back to the stage of our friendship when we would be bitching about the outfits of random strangers we meet on public transports or public places via texts, comfort each other when shit happens, be happy together when good things occur, or when we are seriously very bored and just want some entertainment.. I don't think we will ever return to that paradise. He seems very very distanced from me now. I really miss those days. Sometimes I get afraid of losing him. He means a lot more to me than I do ever realise, and honestly I doubt he knows that. Random picnic on the beach of Sentosa, with sushi and strawberry cheesecake. I'll always remember that.

As he updated me on life and his mission, he got me wondering.. What's the calling of my life? I had always assumed it to be something in the healthcare industry because of this incident when I was a kid.. I went to Thailand with my family, we went to this temple and there was this monk. He was one of the elders there, and he was very fond of me. Always held my hand and gave me special treatment as compared to everyone else. I swear that it wasn't because I was the youngest. There was once when I went, there was another kid (my mom's client's son) who was younger than me, and yet he still doted on me more! No.. I don't think he is a paedophile.

Anyway, he was a Thai (duh!) and could speak little English. He couldn't say my name but he had a nickname for me, it was "doctor". I think I heard it from my relatives or my parents, that he called me that as I would grow up to be a doctor. Therefore, since then.. I took it as my calling that I would be a doctor when I grew up.

Oddly enough.. At the end of my secondary 2 year, when I had to pick the subjects that I would major in my upper secondary years.. I actually had to contemplate between picking Pure Geography or Biology. The dilemma back then was: I loved Geography vs. I need to take Biology to be a doctor. In the end, I gave in to my interest and chose Pure Geography over Biology. I've never regretted that decision. Studying Pure Geography was so much joy! LOVE LOVE LOVE, LOVED IT!

So.. here I am in Occupational Therapy. Here because I always thought that my calling was the healthcare industry and I cannot possibly ever get sacked or be deprived of a job in this sector, the pay is pretty good, it isn't that boring (I think) and umm.. my sister is a nurse, my dad is a chinese physician, thus it is a good to have another family member in the medical industry...? Sigh. Shitty reason I know. I only realise it now. All the times that people would exclaim and give positive remarks on how there is this "medical" trend in my household.. I guess it feels good to a certain extent, however.. to be frank, every time I hear that, deep inside me, there would be this deep pang of doubt and guilt whacking me. Is that a sign that hey, this isn't my calling?

I told my OT friends.. I find studying diseases and illnesses to be interesting. Well, hell yeah it is. I guess I like it.. but I don't love it! I don't find myself pouring over every detail of the disease, unlike how I was pouring over every new term that I was learning for Sociology and Psychology. Getting all excited when I knew that people who enjoyed withholding their faeces when they were a kid, would grow up to be neat and tidy people (or possibly develop OCD) when they grew up!

I don't know what I love! I don't know what I want to do! If you consider being a socialite, being able to be decked out in pretty clothes, have pretty shoes, wear gorgeous polishes and nail art on my nails, as something that I want to do, then yeap I guess it counts. If not, I have no freaking idea at all!

I don't want to be like my parents... working as insurance agents because it provides them the means to support the family and give my sister and I, a good life. They don't like it. They told me that before. Nonetheless they just kept going at it, just for my sister and I.

As grateful and honourable I am for their sacrifice... I don't wish to do that. I don't want to earn a living for the sake of earning a living. I will never get far in my life if I were to do that. Like what Xian Yao said.. it is that passion, that 'calling', that intrinsic motivation which brings you far. I don't want to live my life for extrinsic motivation. It is a dead boring life, and I LIVE to live. So someone please, tell me what the fuck should I do?

If there is one thing I love, it would be being pretty... Materialistic I know, but at least I'm being honest. Henceforth, guide me, enlighten me, show me a way!!!

There is more to life.. that I know, but what is it exactly?

The importance of being wealthy

Don't get me wrong.

I'm not a narcissistic, money-minded, materialistic bitch. I just hate being.. concerned over financial issues. I hate feeling as though my wallet has shrunk, my pocket is tight, my bank account is of non-existence.. I dislike being unable to spend freely.

In this current society, money is power. Although there are various ways to go about arguing the statement that "money brings happiness", in the most direct way possible.. yes that statement is awfully realistic and truthful. Well, at least it does... to a huge extent.

Without money, I won't be able to shop. If I'm unable to shop, I would be unhappy. Like now, for instance.

At times like this, I really wish that I am Christian Grey and I earn $100,000 per hour, 24/7. All the shoes that I can buy. SO HEAVENLY.

I went window-shopping with a girlfriend yesterday, walked into Bershka and tried on the prettiest pair of black mary-janes that I have ever landed my eyes upon. Slipped my feet into the gorgeous pair of shoes and okay.. I admit: I felt as though my ankle might just crumble and get crushed from having to bear my weight at that joint which is not physiologically designed to withstand pressure, but oh goodness... it was so darn mesmerising!!! I even whipped out my phone, took a picture and sent it to my boyfriend, who expectedly rejected that pair of shoes immediately because it was about 4-inches high. Anyway, I couldn't buy it.. the price was $129.90. My boyfriend heaved a huge sigh of relief and cheered enthusiastically *roll my eyes here*

I really miss my gap year. Earning $1.3k a month, and sometimes even more. Spending freely, shopping freely, relaxing and just breathing normally, unlike now when every breath is short, sharp and hurried.

I've never felt more screwed up about my life. I don't know what I am doing right now and it seems as though I am making do with whatever that is shoved upon me by my parents, rather than exploring my options and my interests, doing what seems to flow along with me instead of repelling me at every hook and cranny.

This feels wrong. It really does. However, I don't know how to get out of it and even if I can... this society that I live in, it's a rat race everywhere.

This is not what I want, so what should I do now?

Answers.. it's time for me to seek for some answers..

And that's how I know he loves me

It was near noon-time when Ally had finally decided to crawl out from her warm and snug bed.

She wandered around her house aimlessly even though a tiny reminder was ringing from the back of her head, reminding her that her first paper was less than 5 days away and she should be frantically studying away right at that moment.

She went back to her room and picked up her cellphone, and tapped away at its touch-screen keyboard.

"I don't suppose there is any possibility that you could take a half-day leave now and come find me, can you?"

Ally kept her fingers crossed. She could hear the little angel in her head rapping away: Why did you ask him to take the leave? What do you want him for? What is he going to do here? For what reason is he coming here? Are you out of your mind???

Yes, Ally was probably out of her mind. She had no plans nor an answer to any of those questions. She just wanted him. So, did it meant that he might just sit in her room and have nothing to do? Hmm.. Yes.. That possibility stands. Nonetheless, she wanted him.

She wanted a hug, from him.

Her phone beeped.

"Erm. I can't find you now. In the middle of my lunch. But I've taken the day off :) I'll see you soon ya"

Ally stared at the screen in amazement.

He actually agreed to come!

Ally felt this surge of motion rushing through her, it made her head light and a little dizzy! She felt a smile spreading through her face, one which she could not suppress.

And there was her little angel taunting her in the background.. He's coming, he's coming, he's coming, he's coming, he's coming~

Seriously, what am I doing?

For the blog-ders reading this now, do you remember the last time you had to edit an entry because you were afraid of being judged for what you wrote? Or perhaps you were already judged and hence you removed it to PLEASE the other party? Well.. I do. Some bitch got upset over what I wrote and so some scumbag MADE ME edit my words remove the entire post. Anyway, that's history.

Back to the main subject,
WHAT AM I DOING?

I honestly.. don't know.

It has been a seriously long time since I asked myself that question. I could and I would blame all my other worldly factors but myself. For eg. School? My current relationship? (No offence there, Roddy) Work???

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND. *sends a gazillion flying kisses in his direction*

I guess I am somewhat in the right direction of the calling of my life? There are a million things that I wanna do/become while I still can take in another breath of air for the next second. Life is too short to set boundaries so soon. I see Roderick becoming a superstar with fans all over the world.

Him rocking out on the stage with hundreds (or perhaps thousands!) of crying screeching screaming girls standing below, holding vanguard sheets and hard-boards that has his name written all over them and they are decorated hearts and glitter! I can hear them screaming, "RODERICK!!! I LOVE YOU!!!" and then like in those recorded shows of the concerts held by popstars, the star gives thanks for their love, sparklers ignite at the background and the girls scream louder. I know, so dramatic and yes my imagination has indeed gone wild. My visualisation skills are incredible! Oh and, I'm not quite done yet with my visualisation! HERE COMES MY PART.

I see myself as.. a celebrity wife. LIKE DUH, if not?! I am BORN TO BE A 太太 OK? *kicks up legs and places feet on the coffee table*

However, I think I would die of boredom if I were to be cooped up at home all day and most importantly, depend on my husband for allowance. That's right, my independence kicking in at the precise moment to contradict my desire. Just kick me in the butt already.

I was thinking.. I definitely cannot and well, I don't think I will, be an Occupational Therapist then. I can't see it that way. I was thinking along the line of venturing into entrepreneurship. Not fashion.. I can't design for nuts. I LOVE TO SHOP, but designing clothes is a whole other thing. But! Creating my own line of polishes is very much possible.. Haven't people always say, Do what you love? Well.. the world could do with a little more polishes that are quality-assured, has brilliant shades, unique designs, definitely wearable and realistic for all the girls out there in the world! ((:

I HEARTS POLISHES!

Alright, so I'll leave my castle that is build high up in the clouds and come back down to planet earth already. It's too soon to think of marriage? Hmm.. yes? And, no?

Let us take a quick jog down the timeline. I am currently 20 this year. My intentions are to get married when I am in my late 20s. I have no intentions of keeping my options opened and most definitely do not wish to be with anyone else other than the person that I am with now. I am more than satisfied with my current relationship. I agree that he isn't perfect, but judging from the past 5 months that I've known him, he has most certainly proven himself to be worth closing all my other doors for. I have friends who tell me, "Hey, your boyfriend is a 'keeper' for sure!" Whether they said it out of good intention or that they truly mean it, I'll leave it for you to decide. Nonetheless, if a guy merely LAUGHS and looks at me LOVINGLY, when I FART OUT LOUD in front of him accidentally, hey! That means a hell lot to me and I am definitely keeping him!

I have had enough boyfriends to last me for the rest of my lifetime. I just want someone to spend the rest of my life with. Settling down is a scary thought indeed. I'll admit, I am scared. Not because he might not be the right choice (as mentioned and explained before, he is MY right choice) but rather, there are still so many things in life that I wish to do. I wanna travel, for a whole entire year. To different places in the world. Maldives, Krabi, Carribean Islands, Switzerland, Transylvania? Okay.. I need to give more thought to that last one there.

My point is, there are still so many things in life to live for, and I do not wish to have to give any one of those things up. Thankfully for me, I know that I have a man here (YES, A MAN OKAY. DON'T LAUGH!) who pushes me to do the things I want, he doesn't cage me nor put up any restrictions for me. OTHER THAN... wearing clothings that reveals my cleavage too much. He says that if it can turn him on, it can turn any other guy on and hence he doesn't like it and forbids me to wear anything too skimpy.

Meh~ Who thinks that I'd listen to his restrictions? *DENG DENG DENG!* First-prize!! I am rebellious by nature. However I do know my limits and his concerns, therefore I do not wear anything that I deem as 'overboard'. Fair enough ya?

A friend once told me that are 4 drivers in life. Family. Work. Love. Friends. To be successful in life would to be juggle these 4 factors and have them in a state of equilibrium. If any one of these factors were to thrive more than others, then it would simply mean that one of them is taking a back seat, which is incredibly detrimental to life. I agree with her on it.

Oh and, by the way.. SEET SHIYING, TEXT ME WHEN YOU SEE THIS OKAY! I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE LIKE... VOYAGE DE LA VIE!!! THAT WAS IN MARCH!! IT'S AUGUST ALREADY!! 5 WHOLE MONTHS! RAWR! DON'T MAKE ME CRASH TEMBUSU AGAIN!! I WILL IF I HAVE TO!

It is impossible to not re-adjust or perhaps even make changes to my plans for life after I met Roderick. If he hadn't told me that I was his "The One", his True Love, the person he wants to marry and spend the rest of his life with.. I would have persisted on with my plans for life before I met him, just so that if anything went wrong, I had something to fall back upon.

For the past few months, I had been thinking... Was it really worth it for me to give up that back-up plan? Am I being stupid? Am I being silly? Do I really want to do that? And having been deliberated on that thought for so long, I have an answer at last.

Yes, I want to give up on that back-up plan. Reason? Because if I don't, all is doomed to fail.

We can't move forward if we keep looking back. However, looking back is also necessary as it helps us to reflect and remind ourselves of our goals and aims in life.

If the world is one day raged by an apocalypse of zombies, and fortunately, the zombies are all secured in a city and the city is separated from the world by a high wall that is about.. say 5-storeys high? You are on that wall and you have 2 choices.

1) There is a safety net behind you on the 2nd storey ready to catch you. There are ammunitions prepared, enough food that will last you forever? The only catch for the fabulous deal is: the zombies.

2) There is no safety net in front of you. No guarantee that you will thrive in the world outside. One thing for sure, there are no zombies there. The catch is: it is 5-storeys high, you might die from the jump.

Which would you pick?

I hate zombies. I even told Roderick before, if our world gets raided by zombies while we are still alive, please kill me first (put a gun to my head or strangle me or throw me off a building and etc.) as I do not wish ever have to face zombies. Henceforth, I would pick option two. What's yours? (:

Now I am badly distracted by clothes sold on the blogshops that I frequent and if it wasn't because I forgot to remind my student that it was pay-day during my last session with her on Saturday, I would be placing my order for that pretty pair of flag shorts or the high-wasit classic cut apricot shorts...

My tribal bag is out-of-stock :( SEE LAH RODERICK WOO, NEVER NIAO ME TO BUY IMMEDIATELY!!!! You will suffer from my whining till our shipment from Malaysia finally arrives at my doorstep! I do hope it comes tomorrow.. Been waiting for more than 2 weeks for it!

I shall now continue with my Sociology revision.. The notes for the chapter Socialisation is taking forever to get done. Why is that bloody chapter so wordy and so damn long?!! *procrastinates*

I'M GETTING ENGAGED!!!!!!

JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!
No one can deny the fact that it is very attention-grabbing though! HAHA!

I was having this conversation with Rod the other day on how people who knows that I am currently attached, like to ask me this question "How's you and Rod?"

It was brought on by a friend of mine who asked me THAT EXACT QUESTION, and at that point of time what went through my mind was... What exactly is she asking about? Whether am we are still together or that we have parted ways already? (SO SUPERSTITIOUS AND UNLIKE ME TO SAY THIS BUT -- TOUCH WOOD!)

Hence we decided, if our friends were to ask us that question, we would give them the reply "Oh, we are getting engaged!" HA! Can't wait to see the response on their face and the atypical "ARE YOU SERIOUS????!" Damn serious k. No joke. Just that the ring on my annularis (ring finger) is an invisible one. MADE OF AIR. FOR NOW.

RODERICK WOO, I know you jail-broke your phone so you probably lost all the pictures I sent you before, and even if you didn't lose them all, I know you lost a good whole chunk because you failed in your first attempt at jail-breaking your phone. Anyway, here is a picture of the ring that I want!!!! SO YOU WILL NEVER FORGET AND YOU WILL NOT GET ME THE WRONG RING. See, I'm so nice. Save you the time and extra effort to go hunt a ring for me! :DDD



BEHOLD,
MONT BLANC'S LA DAME BLANCHE COLLECTION: PASSION SOLITAIRE RING!

So pretty right? All the diamonds!!! A girl's best friend!

Don't say that I don't love you peeps and that I am an awfully lazy girl who hasn't uploaded any pictures on her blog for like %$#@%#@$23%$#@54#$@ long.

It is currently 2AM. I took 2 papers yesterday (one in the morning, another in the late afternoon), spent half the night out with my boyfriend at Toa Payoh — IPL for me then dinner for us both, and AMK — we wanted to go sing at KBox which we took super long to find because we decided to rely on my oh-so-awesome memory and didn't use the Maps app. on our iPhones initially, but we gave in at the end and pulled out our phones.. anyway, KBox AMK didn't allow us to use this special $10 discount voucher that I have because Friday is considered as a weekend and it was far too expensive, so we decided against it!

We then returned back to my place because we were both extremely tired and wanted somewhere quiet and cozy to simply spend some quality time with each other. He left my place at close to 1AM. SO YOU SEE, I LOVE YOU PEEPS SO MUCH XOXOXOXO

Alright. Enough chat-chat. Let's bring out the photos!

So some time around the end of June, I had a short 2-weeks break from all the insane lectures and tutorials in school. Rod took leave and we decided to go cycling at ECP! It was one of the things that I listed on our to-do-list.

For those who have not heard of it from me, Rod and I have this.. list (LIKE DUH!)
This list contains activities that are to be done by the both of us, and over time the list will just keep growing as we add more activities to it. It helps in creating different types of meaningful activities between a couple so that it wouldn't always just be mall, shop, eat, walk, movie etc. It also helps in keeping track of the things that you have done before and the ones that you have talked before about doing together!

One of the activities on our list was... cycling. I would say that it was rather MEMORABLE, because... some smart alec decided to pull a stunt on his bike, he failed, and bled all over. Oh and, he somehow managed to break off one of the brakes of his bike. I've got a picture to illustrate on that!



The smart alec who pulled a FAILED stunt!


Him & his injuries. Think I mentioned before somewhere here that I am haemophobic right? So yeah, put me + his blood = poor me :(

I NEED A HUG FOR MY BRAVE & COURAGEOUS EFFORTS IN KEEPING MY COOL AND FOR ATTENDING TO HIS WOUNDS DILLIGENTLY.
Or better yet, give me a medal!

Anyway, this Mr. Woo damn lucky. I was kiasu that day so I decided to bring 3 packs of tissue and a handkerchief. I used about 2 packs++ to clean his wounds and I turned the handkerchief into a bandage for the massive wound at his left hand.


An unglamorous photo of me laughing taken by him.

The story goes like this: I touched the wound on his left hand by accident, and it took him 3 seconds before he responded to it DRAMATICALLY.. "YA-AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" *PULLS LEFT HAND AWAY AND CLUTCHES IT IN HIS RIGHT HAND*

It was impossible to not laugh about his dramatic delayed reaction. Frigging funny shit.



The bike...

If you look closely at the side of the bike with the bell, you would notice a handbrake missing from the handles of the bike. It is now 're-wired' and placed beside the bell.
***
14th July, 2012
MISS SINGAPORE INTERNATIONAL(MSI).

I went with Rod to a formal event. His aunt is the president of Singapore Women Association(SWA) [SWA is responsible for hosting MSI every year for charity] which explains how I got entry to that event.


Cam-whored super lot that day. BF on detox diet for his skin, hence the container of food in his hands which is specially made by my mom. It contains boiled lettuce, boiled potatoes and some other boiled stuff that I can't remember. All that I can remember is that I ate the boiled eggs because his detox diet doesn't allow him to eat eggs and that I was freaking hungry. LOL


I THINK I LOOK RATHER SLIM HERE!!!! ^_^

Even though Rod looks weird in this picture (and the next one as well), but nevermind. JUST LOOK AT ME!!!! #bhb


An innocent Rod caught on camera!


More cam-whoring...


And more...


And a pretty photo of us which isn't uploaded on FB (:


Okay, this is on FB, but I like it so it gets to be uploaded here as well! (:

Same caption as like in FB: BF LOOKING SUAVE HERE!!! Hot pink tie yo!

Some shitty photos of the event taken with my iPhone's camera.


Crowning of 2012's beauty queen


The Queen
And that's all folks!!! See, I am so awesome today! Grace you all with photos and interesting captions accompanying the pictures!

It has been a seriously long time since I uploaded any pictures at all. Shall try to do it regularly, after all what other better methods are there than this, to keep a record of the events/occurrences in my life?

XXXX

Batshit crazy fights

I have never fought with my ex-boyfriends before. Not up till the last 2-3 months that lead up to the eventual break-up.

I am the sort of person who hates fighting because I'm afraid of fights and I think that arguments are irrelevant and unncessary. However if I really do fight, it's only because I give more shit about the person involved/the issue concerned than I usually would or do, to actually spend time, energy and effort to extract the emotions within me and place them on the table for evaluation (mine and the other party's).

I fight quite a fair bit with my current boyfriend. Well.. To me, it's quite a lot because I hadn't ever fought with any of my past lovers and have always chosen to either run away or to simply give in when problems occurred, just because I couldn't be bothered to deal with the negative situation and his negative emotions.

I have batshit crazy fights with my current boyfriend. I think it has to do with everything that I've been through before, thus when my tears do shed, my ego acts up quickly to overpower my tears and it screams at me to stand up, stop being a baby, be stronger, turn into a stone-cold statue if the situation deems it necessary, be calm and take the necessary actions required such that the situation/problem doesn't aggravate as much as it would if I were to not do anything at all, simply just curl up in bed and permit my female instincts to take over.

I am not encouraging anyone to fight with their boyfriend/girlfriend unnecessarily, because if you really did that, then it would be a suicidal act for your relationship and I would really applaud you for your stupidity. Fights are depressing, no one likes to fight, yet if you can't possibly run from them for ever. I once had an ex-boyfriend who gave me this as one of his reasons for breaking up with me, "We hardly fight. No wait, in fact, we don't ever fight. You ALWAYS give in to me. You don't ever take a stand and voice out your thoughts. I sometimes even wonder if you have any thoughts at all. Do you?"

Trust me, his words were degrading. Right through the heart, I would say. You probably have this question in your head, "What's wrong with choosing to not fight? That is a good thing, no?" Well.. Yes it is, if it was something minor and nonchalant. Especially those that blossomed from no positive motives, and it started due to mere immaturity and the human urge to 'feel' wanted from your mate via this incredibly dumb method.

An important point to note is that fights are a test of the endurance level of your relationship. If your relationship crumbles easily due to a fight that you had with your mate, then I guess you have either got more to work on (yourself, the relationship and your mate). At the mere poke of a finger, my past relationships have crumbled as they could not withstand that slight pressure. What I had done with my past lovers was to build a relationship based on well.. nothing at all. Hence it is worst than the game "Jenga", fragile and weak.

I don't pick fights with my current boyfriend to deliberately strengthen our relationship. Instead, what I aim is to enhance myself and him via our relationship. I have tons of weaknesses and I will be frank here, so does he. I'll give an example here: he is hot-tempered and gets agitated easily. It makes me jumpy when he is agitated. Remember what I said before about how I dislike dealing with negative emotions (be it mine or others)? Well.. in this scenario, sure I can simply withdraw myself from his agitated behaviour and immerse myself in my land of rainbows and unicorns like before. However if I were to do that, then I would be submitting myself to my weakness and this relationship would be over even before I could say the word 'sabotage'.

It isn't easy to fight. Anyone who has ever stood his/her ground in a fight with their mate before would know that giving in is a hell lot easier. Yes, one party has to give in eventually but it should only be done for the right reasons (ie. the lesson that is to be taught has been learnt or acknowledged) and no, this doesn't mean that you should in any way prolong the fight any longer than it should be. After all you shouldn't forget the point: FIGHTS ARE DEPRESSING.

In conclusion, do note that it is nice to give your mate a big hug and a re-affirmation of your feelings for him/her. It is not wrong to say "I'm sorry" but do take note of the reasons for your apologies. Dish out "thank you" for the right reasons as well, so that they would hold a much more significant meaning as compared to the universal social meaning that the phrase holds.

One-half

Remember the days when I used to flood this blog with lengthy entries/letters to my future lover? My Bestie got so fed up and disgusted(?) with it that he stopped reading my blog entirely for a long period of time. I'm not even sure that he still reads my blog but just in case he still does..

HI THERE! I hope you've been doing well! Just so you know, I miss you terribly. I hope the #project is going well and it's needless to say, you have my 101% support. I swear it has nothing to do with the contract we signed.

I'm sorry that I haven't been keeping up to the terms, and yes I suppose that I have allowed my current relationship to affect us a slight bit, but I swear to you that it's mainly to do with school. I know you probably wouldn't understand how hectic my schedule is at the moment, most people don't anyway. Poly life aren't suppose to be that tough nor that crazy. Unfortunately, mine is. I really wish that I could meet up with you on the 20th of every month, just like how we agreed on.

I apologise for my selfishness and for all my downsides that have driven you crazy over the years and more so, over the edge for the past few months. Stay cool, stay manly, stay fit, stay strong. I'm still waiting for the day when I would be in the audience, watching you go up a stage in a tux, receiving a Nobel prize (or some other noble prize along that line).

All the way man!

Okay now that I'm done sending out that message (cross fingers that it'll reach its receiver successfully), let's get down to business. Watch that MV if you haven't done so already. I'll be talking about it so if you don't wish for your mind to be filled with question marks as you continue reading on, WATCH IT ALREADY.

Firstly, I HAVE TO SAY THIS: for those of you who know when my birthday is, YES!!! Because of that little detail in the MV, this MV creeps me out. Coincidence I know, and it'll be foolish of me if I were to imply anything from it. Confirmation bias yo! I love psychology. I really do. Okay fine, I don't. It's fun to learn and to understand the mentality of others, it helps in taking a step back when dealing with negative situations, it is useful when facing depressing emotions, it is handy for analysing my surroundings and those of others.

To my then-future/now-current lover, hello! You hardly ever read my blog (I think) but I guess it's nice to throw in a random greeting to you! I shall be an asshole and test the frequency of you checking my blog for new entries.

MR WOO, WITHIN THE NEXT 24 HOURS FROM THE MOMENT YOU READ THIS, YOU ARE REQUIRED TO BUY ME A STANDARD BAR OF TOBLERONE MILK CHOCOLATE AND DELIVER IT RIGHT BEFORE ME PERSONALLY.

Hohohoho! This is going to be so fun!!!

HMMMMMMMM. I looked through my archives to find out what I was doing around this time last year, and what I found was an old entry of mine which contained an extraction of a portion from one of XiaXue's entry. To be precise, the entry was on 'Cheating'.

Ah... the things that I've gone through for the past 2 years. Unforgettable. So many valuable lessons learnt and emotions experienced. I dug a little further to 2010 and yes.. I blogged so vehemently then. Almost every entry had emotions filling them to the brink of spillage. I miss eating Toppo (Click here to see what Toppo is) and I can't seem to remember where I bought it. I doubt it's even available in the market anymore :(

Sigh.. It's been a very long time since I composed anything seriously intellectual and amazing. Hold on, do I even have the time to be thinking of the content for that sort of an entry?

Yeap. That's what I thought.

P.S. I (unintentionally) lied. This entry has absolutely nothing to do with the MV above. Bet you got distracted by my digression as well to have not noticed that point. However, it is nice to know that you were so obedient to go play that MV! :P

The sweet scent of white roses

Ally sat infront of her huge wooden desk, working away on her laptop. Her windows were open. Just then, a gentle breeze blew past, carrying the sweet fragrance of white roses to her nose. She paused in her work and turned towards her right, smiling slightly as she looked at the 2 stalks of white roses that sat quietly at a corner of her desk.

Ally had never received any flowers before, much less catch a whiff of white roses. The closest she got to smelling anything that might possibly be the scent of white roses would be her Bulgarian white roses facial masks.. but that's a whole different story — and smell as well.

Ally's phone rang. It was him. Ally picked up the call.
"Hello! Where are you?"
"Taking the lift up to your home."
"Okay!"
Ally hung up, took her keys, skipped to the door, flung it wide open, she unlocked the gates, and without putting any shoes, she went out barefooted into the corridor and sat on her swing as she waited for his arrival.

While Ally sat on the swing, with the swing rocking gently in a slow rhythm, she gazed up.. White clouds were scattered across the blue sky in an uneven pattern, the sun gracing the land below with its warm rays. It was a beautiful day. And then Ally heard the rustling of plastic, he's finally here —with her J. CO. donuts! She had been bugging him for weeks for the deliciously sweet donuts that were perfectly crispy on the outside and tenderly soft on the inside, glazed with a thin layer of white sugar coating at the top.

"My donuts!!!" Ally cheered.
He appeared before her after the turn of a corner. The bag that carried her donuts came into her view first. Ally grabbed the bag happily.
"Did you buy for my mummy?"
"Er... Inside got 3! You can give her one!"
"Hor hor!!! Never buy for her! You die.." Ally teased him.

Ally shook her head in mock dismay as she stood up from the swing and made her way back into the house.

"Wei.." He said.
"Tsk tsk.." Ally continues shaking her head.
"Wei!"
"What?" Ally turned around as she voiced her question.

From his back, he whipped out a small bouquet of two white roses. Ally froze. She stared at the flowers in disbelief. This was the first time that anyone had ever given her any flowers. What's more.. There wasn't any celebratory meaning of any special occasions attached to it. It was merely another ordinary Saturday which he came over to her place to chill and simply spend time with her.

Slowly, Ally reached out for the flowers. As the tip of Ally's fingers touched the bouquet and her fingers wrapped around the stem of the flowers, she couldn't help screaming in her head, "They are real!!!!! He bought flowers for me! He is giving me flowers!!! My favourite flowers! White roses!!!" If he said anything at all, Ally had no recollection of them. She was too high up in the clouds to hear whatever that he had said. Ally muttered a soft 'thank-you' to him which hardly sufficed in expressing the immense sense of gratitude that was stirring within her.

Holding her delicate flowers cautiously in her hands, and with the wide silly smile that hung on her face, she made her way back into the house with him following close behind her...

And he says the mushiest things ever

Ally couldn't help smiling to herself and feeling silly for having done so. That tiny flame dancing around in her heart, it was hard to ignore. She was never one for anything mushy, however she made a drastic change for him. She found herself doing things which she couldn't comprehend, from making surprise picnics to planning surprise movie marathons. She wondered what other surprises could she ever come up with -- and frankly those surprises surprised her as well!

She sat before her desk, fiddling with her water bottle and her medication for her swollen left eye. She knew that her mother would be walking into her room any minute to nag her for not having taken her medication yet, for she should have after having just returned from the doctor's. However, her mind was elsewhere. It was on the things that he had said a couple of minutes ago. Ally thought, how could anyone ever come up with such cheesy lines?! And why is it that he and the things that he say, have such an effect on her? It was like a fireworks show going on in her head! So many colours, so bright, so pretty, so explosive.. they made her light-headed!

"I should paint this colour for next week then I'll be an awesome girlfriend/wife-to-be for the week!"
"Don't paint yet! Wait for me to be there and I'll paint it for you!"
"Er... Hmm the next time that you'll see me will be 11 days later? You've got your exams coming up and you have to train for your IPPT which is on Wednesday, no?"
"Let me do it please! Let me have the honour of giving you the title."

There, it was that line. It made her go giddy. It made her happy. Damn it. Ally knew that she shouldn't be, but she is.. vulnerable to his cheesy lines. She liked it when he affirmed her with his words and she need not affirm herself with her thoughts. It made her seem self-delusional when she did it, and in a way she felt insecure. It isn't that she has no faith in him, she simply preferred the faith that he gave her on his own accord..

Ally's smile grew a little wider when she noticed that by coincidence, the colour of that polish shade was his favourite colour too. Blue. The little things that girls notice and associate with, how silly and foolish it caused them to be. For better or for worst, Ally knew that it was not within her grasp, but rather the person who wield such powers/possess such gifts within his hands, unknowingly.