Everyone knows, life is hard. Sometimes you do the wrong things, sometimes you say the wrong things... And these things just screw things up, most importantly it screws you up inside. I wouldn't say that I said some wrong things because frankly I've been yearning to tell her that although she's being just her, she can't be so (pardon my choice of words here) stupidly straightforward. I was a tad annoyed at her for adding fuel to the fire when I was already in a not-decent mood, and when she added even more fuel when I kinda already hinted that I'm not exactly receptive to any negative comments made about my friend, I exploded. I suppose it's the insensitivity and wrong choice of action that had me flared up. The only thing I regretted was having to say those mean stuff and to hurt her feelings (well I'm assuming that it did).
I've said before many times: I'm not one for arguments. If I had a choice, I would rather stand down and concede defeat to the battle. I guess I stood down a little too late this time. Should I have been in a better mood, no matter how much her words, I would probably have taken lots and lots of deep breath and just try my best to get over it, which mostly works unless I'm already in a bad mood and when I'm further agitated, my timer goes off like how it is for all bombs.
I don't know whether she actually thought through her words thoroughly before saying them out since I would truly love to give her the benefit of doubt that she did and she was simply trying to do what a best friend is suppose to do which is to be really frank no matter how bad the situation is. Okay yes, some of you might say that I'm bullshitting because frankly such words are too polite to be true but I suppose it's the logic behind these words which calls for their existence to begin with. Then again, I'm the kind of person who would find all sorts of reasons to forgive people (in general, with some exceptions here and there).
Having gone through this bad argument with her, I learnt a couple of things:
1. When a person says sorry to you in less than 24 hours since the fight, it sometimes isn't because he regrets what he has said or that he has realised his mistake of having said it in a fit, but rather it is because he knows that life is short and anything can happen any moment. So instead of being mad at someone, no matter how mediocre or serious the situation is, forgiving is the appropriate choice of action. Also, it is because he cares for you and you mean something to him, which is why he rather spend the next minute laughing with you rather than having this stupid argument that you'll regret wasting so much time on 10 years down the road (that is, if you even survive that 10 years).
2. Never expect others to have the qualities you have.
3. No matter how much it sucks to have to do this, MOVE ON. You've already done your part of the relationship, have shown how much you cherish it and wish to work things out. If the other party fails to even see through the simple point that there is nothing more important in life than being happy, then I'm afraid the truth is right there sticking in your face: your relationship is unbelievably pathetically weak. That person has no intention to take a role and be in your life. There isn't a thing in life that cannot be worked out. However for that to happen, it takes all the individuals involved just like how it takes two hands to clap. I don't believe in shit like how stingy a person can be, how calculative a person can be, how petty a person can be, if you're seriously any of that then well my dear friend, I'm afraid you are on the 'bad' list. Please do not rejoice. It isn't something good. Like not any bit of it is good at all. It is only good when you do something to CORRECT it. Then again, who am I to say any of these? I'm just a young chick who has barely even lived past 2 decades of her life.
4. Stand straight, stand tall, stand firm, for whatever that you've done. Opportunities only come knocking once in awhile. As much as you cherish someone else, think: does the person cherish you in the same way as well? If the person does, then why the hell did the question go around twice in your head and you are so absorbed in whatever that I've written!
5. "Good things have to go, to make way for better things to come in." If that person thinks that he is just good and not better, be smart and let him go. Oh and, you might wanna add a little bit of sympathy for him — it's ultimately your call but highly recommended.
Okay I kind of digressed a little there. My eyes were opened with regards to another issue after having gone through this, and I finally know that well.. life has to go on.
In my opinion, no matter how you truthful you were trying to be, I still feel that you've said something wrongly. It is acceptable, but it was not the appropriate thing to say. Like what I said before, you are my best friend and even if you still can't see pass all the time wasted on this, you will still always be my best friend because from the bottom of my heart, I genuinely care for you. And I know that you probably do too, or you wouldn't have even replied me and said all that nasty shit, even though your hunger might have an influence to it. I hate arguments. And I hate losing my friends. So I'm hoping that I wouldn't have to walk down the darker path without you, but rather the brighter one with rainbows and unicorns with you.
Gosh, I sound so damn cheesy.
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