Food for Thought

So, I haven't been very hardworking lately with regards to blogging. I guess it is partly due to the fact that my laptop is always out in the living room connected to the large 47-inch television via the HDMI cable. Also, with my trusty white iPhone4 keeping me company 24/7, giving me access to the internet EVERYWHERE I go, I don't really need my laptop anymore, except to fulfil daily needs of movies and my weekly needs of dramas. There is no Glee this week, and TVD is on hiatus till next year 5th of January (boohoo!) so I've been sucking in a hell lot of movies lately... Competing with my dad for better internet connection. Everytime when my download speed is less than 50, I'd start ranting and whining and complaining that he is loading too many movies, WHICH HE IS! My dad can load like 20 movies at one go okay! That is how terrible he is! It's not a wonder why I had to ponder for a month before finally making my mind to introduce Funshion to him. I suppose I kinda knew that this would happen :/ Oh well...

Anyway, I napped till 12midnight earlier on and woke up to a hungry stomach. So I made myself some instant chicken porridge, which I failed to finish because there was ginger in it, screened "One Day" on my big-ass television at home, and sat down to enjoy both my supper and my movie. It ended at about 4am, which gives enough reasons as to why I am still awake at this ungodly hour of 4.33AM. The sky is currently purple with a slight tinge of pink by the way. I'd say, lovely sky. Right... What on earth am I saying? I can feel my headache creeping in again.

Watching "One Day", was brilliant. I've been catching onto so many of these kinda movies recently. Anna Hathaway is a brilliant actress by the way. She is gorgeous and a very talented actor. Among all of such movies that I've watched lately, I found myself loving the ones that she is casted in. Her movies have always got some sort of astounding moral behind them. I should probably stop digressing and get on to the main food for thought.

There are so many things going on my mind right now, and I suppose that there is quite a number that can be easily settled by simply putting them behind me and not thinking about them. Oh fyi, not every matter can be "put behind" just like that. And your relationship status is actually a factor to be considered as well, since the smallest thing can actually upturn your relationship (hey, I'm not kidding here!) and that is why I emphasise again and again that relationships are a complete hassle! Then again it's probably because I'm not FOR relationships at the moment and probably for a very long moment which might possibly last for say.. 5 years? Or probably even more? I'm prepared to die as a rich fashionable beautiful wise single old hag, and so I rest my case.

Boy am I thankful that my blog is somewhat private now. I've even activated the protection of my tweets on twitter. I guess it shows how far I'm willing to go to stay hidden. Oh wait, let me get distracted for just a couple more of minutes. I just remembered that I said I would remove all of Kenny's pictures from my photo albums on Facebook. I'll explain that in a minute, I promise. Ok, I'm back again. I have no idea why I typed all of that since when you peeps (my dearest friends who have been told this link) read this, it'll seem like everything has been done in a second. I guess I just needed to document this down or something along that line. Anyway, first the Kenny thing. Well honestly, I've forgotten that I had pictures of him in my photo albums. So much time has passed, and what with me deleting his number from my phone, blocking him on facebook, skype, msn and all other communication means, I suppose... I just forgot? So a couple of days ago, I happened to chance upon it, and out of my idiotic curiousity, I went to click on "show tags" for every one of the pictures I took with him, and I got puzzled as to why he aren't tag in any of them, then I realised that it was because I blocked him on facebook -.- I know right, retarded me. Hence I figured that since he can't see them anyway, why not just delete them, and tadah! They are all gone now!

One of the things that I had wanted to talk about today is how I came to realise that... 2011 is coming to an end. I should probably save this topic till the mid-month of December but I really wish to rave about the thoughts in my head so here goes: I can still remember vividly as how I started of 2011 — and I'll save the summary till a further later part of this ending year — and then I began to wonder what my 2012 resolution should be. Well.. I have a slight clue I suppose, but it aren't intact and I'm probably gonna wait till the clock strikes twelve again and every channel on TV, everyone goes "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" and I hope that I'll get to see some fireworks display from my living room window.. Fireworks are very important! I believe that they are what inspired my resolution for this year, and hence they will also determine my resolution for next year! And yeah, I'll wait till then and get hit with some fascinating resolution as to how I should live 2012. Oh oh! I do know one thing, 2012 = No Kenny. Yeah yeah, I know my girl peeps would be elated to know that, since I've been raving on and on about this guy and blah blah blah.. Meh whatever. I used 2011 to find myself again, and so I'll use 2012 to get on with my life without him. I did it once, I can do it again. This time, with a clearer mind and a vision in my head.

I'm not going to think about how he is lost now, and like what my sister said, he might probably never find his way back onto the right path again. I guess he stepped off that path when he.. did whatever he did, and yeah.. he isn't the decent Kenny boy that I know anymore. (Kenny boy is a nickname that my sister came up for him. They have this weird brother-sister chemistry between them that I just can never seem to understand and I thought it was pretty cute.) I can remember how he screamed at me over the phone about how he didn't worked his ass off to get me on the right path, for me to get onto the wrong path again due to a mistake he made. And so as soon as he said that sentence, I guess he kinda built a glass wall between the both of us, separating both of our worlds, locking me in the 'good' world and him leaving behind in the 'bad' world. Okay, this is probably just all in my head you know. See this is how I see things NOW, and will definitely see things in another light some time down the road. I can see what's happening to him in the other world, but I can't reach out to him because as we all know, glass is solid, glass is hard. We say that it's brittle, but it aren't really that easy to break, unless you're crazy enough to grab a hammer and smash through it, however that ONE piece of hard glass will shatter into hundreds of shards of tiny painful dangerous glass. And you'll have to step over all of these shards before you can enter the other world, and who knows what's gonna happen on the other world? You've only seen it, you haven't been there. Alright, I've probably gone a tad too far. Typing is just really addictive because I can see words forming very quickly and it helps to prod my mind into thinking at a faster speed.

I've been thinking.. why am I so against relationships? And I realise that it is because I hate hearing/saying the words "break up". I guess I've been drilled too much by Disney's fairytales, so I hate any stories that don't make me smile at the end of it. For HJ's story, it took almost 3 years to get an ending that I am satisfied with okay! I admit that when I see his cheesy facebook display picture with Wan Qing, my stomach turns and I get this creepy tingling sensation on my skin as though a chilly wind just went pass and all the hair on my skin got ruffled by that breeze, but from the bottom of my heart, I'm happy for him because I know that he is happy. And how do I know that? He's fat again ROFL. The cons of being in love. Unless you've got two feet on your emotional grounds, you'll definitely put on weight. That and the immense desire to spend every waking minute with your love, and it results in you distancing from your friends, and your heart is constantly on a roller coaster ride, and you'll feel like Chicken Little — as though the sky is ready to fall any minute. Which is why I say, unless you have good discipline over your emotions, love is like hard liquor, and you my dear, are the drunkard.


P.S. I do still love Kenny very very much, but I just don't like him anymore — not the current him.

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