More than a lifetime

I must give credit to K for this. He trained me on how to flick the 'off' switch, what with all the crap he threw to me. I guess all it takes is a little time, a little action, a little reasoning, a little understanding, that this person aren't worthy for me to stick around any longer. Then I'll simply flick that switch and the road of no return begins.

I'll admit that I am still a foolish mortal who is incapable of sniping away all earthly attachments, and tuning out the one essential element on the face of this earth which is otherwise known as 'love'. However, what with my latest obsession with philosophy, the day whereby I am fully capable of turning away from that complicated thing isn't far.
As quoted from Kaykay, "There is no fuckin guarantee when it comes to life and love. When you love someone, you open your heart to them. YOU RISK THE HEARTBREAK OF LOSING THEM."
I know I'd never be able to stop loving people. In fact, my life is surrounded by my motto to give unlimited love. To not believe in love, that is impossible. But to not believe in one form of love, yes that might actually be possible. That will require much reasoning, which will be done when my brain is less exhausted by everything else, and especially by that thick yellow book which is hardly seen more than 5 feet away from me.

I'm getting better -- in fact, much better -- at dealing with such craps. Each time I learn from the mistakes I made previously, and each time I gain more knowledge. However, the rapid mental advancement is pretty... frightening in a way. I feel as though I'm using up the span of a lifetime sooner than I should. Nonetheless, I am on the same pov as Socrates that "The life which is unexamined in not worth living." I will not be afraid of losing nothing, and lead a cowardly life in the shadows casted by social norms.

Go ahead and call me a fag, Bestie. It aren't gonna bring me down.

It is funny how people demands respect from others, but never do they have the same treatment for themselves. It makes me wonder if it actually crossed their mind that the most basic thing about being a human is instead of expecting respect from everyone else, but to expect respect from yourself for everyone else. You walk in and out of people's life, never once stopping to wonder if your presence actually mean a thing to them or not. You said the word "I", more than the word "you". You think that the choices you made are beneficial for both parties, but really, it's just your point of view, because you've never bothered to enquire about the other person's point of view. Like what I said earlier on, it is always about the "I" and seldom about the "you". I guess, it isn't a wonder why you are delusional afterall.

It is pointless being all sulky, moody and pathetic. Life is a waiting process. You wait to live till the end of it, you wait for things to happen, you wait to meet people, you wait to have a relationship with people, you wait for your other half to appear, you wait for that someone who knows how hurt can rupture a heart, who won't even think about leaving your side, because he has faced the world and has endured all its crap, you wait for love, you wait for that someone to instill faith into your definition of love. Somewhere in this world, that person is out there waiting for you too. One day, he'll walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else. This sentence sounds familiar huh. If you even bothered to read my past entries, you'll probably know where that quote came from.

However, throughout all the waiting, never forget what you are worth and what you deserve. Bestie once told me that no one deserves anyone else. He told me that from a very interesting point of view, and in a way I agree, yet I wish to refine it. It is true that no one deserves another person because of their physical exterior appearance, like how an ugliest person in the world can have the prettiest person in the world. And that is where the word 'deserve' comes in, because the ugliest person is also the most beautiful person in the world, hence he is worthy of such a pretty gift given by the Gods. Not forgetting that the pretty person must also deserve the beautiful person lah. I doubt you need me to tell you that, it's rather obvious.

Our lives are led by fairytales, and albeit till this moment, none of the chapters in our lives follow that fairytale storyline yet, but I believe that someday it will. We simply have to hold faith to that it will happen one day. Practise The Secret yo. And well, everything in our lives are... "one day" isn't it? Life is nothing, but a long wait.

Make the wait useful. Find your calling. Do something -- in fact, anything -- so long as it doesn't involve staring at the clock and watching your life tick by. You only have a lifetime, till the next time that you are being called up again, and you wouldn't know in what form you are going to live that next lifetime.

In this lifetime, I might be called a fag or a sad person, but at least I know that "I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance", as told by Socrates.

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